


Children Of The Sun

by InvisibleRaven



Category: Glee RPF
Genre: CrissColfer Big Bang, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2015-09-02
Packaged: 2018-04-17 19:23:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 64,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4678421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InvisibleRaven/pseuds/InvisibleRaven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All his life, Chris Colfer has wanted a soulmate, longed for his Prince Charming. Darren Criss has never really wanted a soulmate, never felt he was worthy enough to have one. The problem is that they are meant to be each other's. </p><p>This is the story of their journey.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Despite being a long time CC shipper, this is the first time I am poking my toes into the writing of them. So please be kind. This was a labour of love, and I really hope that you enjoy the read.
> 
> The title and lyric breaks in this fic, as well as a lot of inspiration came from The Origin of Love from Hedwig and the Angry Inch. 
> 
> Beta'd by the AMAZING drosophilase. Like she deserves a lot of love and praise for how wonderful she was about getting this giant thing done so fast.
> 
> I also had the equally amazing somethingappropos make an awesome fanmix for this fic which can be found [here](http://8tracks.com/farce/children-of-the-sun)

_When the earth was still flat, And the clouds made of fire, And mountains stretched up to the sky, Sometimes higher…_  
~~

Ever since Chris Colfer was a child he was obsessed with the concept of a soulmate. He had seen the soulmate marks his parents carried, deep red eternity marks over their hearts with the other’s name below them, showing they had bonded for life. When he questioned them, his mother explained it showed they were soulmates. 

“Mom what’s a soulmate?” he questioned, eyes shining with the curiosity and innocence of youth. 

Karen smiled, patting her lap to snuggle Chris as she thought up an answer. “It’s someone who will love you no matter what. Sometimes, like with me and your dad, it means you are in love. Other times it means they are your best friend, forever and ever. But everyone gets one. When the time is right.”

Chris smiled at this. He didn't have many friends, and though he knew Hannah would be a great sister when she grew up, right now she was a boring, crying baby. “But how will I know who they are, Mom? How did you know Dad was yours?”

She pointed to her eyes, and then to his. “You know when you look into their eyes. Because they have one of yours--” indicating the lovely glasz eye on the left-- “and you have one of theirs,” she then pointed to the brilliant hazel on the right. “You look into each other’s eyes and well, you know. When you bond you get your eyes back as well as your mark.”

“How do you bond?” Chris asked, always wanting to know everything. 

“Well sweetie, that depends on the type of soulmate you have. Which we won’t know until you get a bit older, so you don’t need to worry about that right now. Just know that when the time is right, you'll find that one person who is your other half, the person you are meant to be with.” 

With that, Karen dislodged her son and went to prepare a bottle, leaving Chris on the couch. He smiled, touching the place over his heart where he would one day get a soulmate mark. He couldn’t wait!

~~

Darren Criss looked into the mirror, hating his eyes. One was a mix of brown, green and gold that his mama insisted was called hazel. The other changed between blue, green and grey every time he looked. Sometimes it was a mix of all three. Neither of his parents could name the colour, but many of the children told him it meant he was broken. 

“Criss has three soulmates! His soul can’t decide which of them he wants more! He’s a freak! He’s broken!” they taunted on the playground. Some adults ushered their children away from him, and he was sure they were telling them to stay away from the freak. He knew he couldn't really be broken, but still, was it possible to have _three_ soulmates? Where there really three people out there with a mix of his eyes and the other two? Did that mean that all four of them were each other’s soulmates or was it one big mix up? He brought up his concerns to his mother, who just fluffed his hair. 

“ _Sinta_ , do you know the legend of soulmates?” Upon the shaking of Darren’s head, she motioned for him to sit next to her on the couch. “It is said that once there were three people. The children of the Sun who were two men joined back to back. The Earth were two women, and the Moon was one of each. The gods feared the power these beings possessed, so each were split apart and scattered. We must do our best to find one another and join once more, so we may be whole. So you see my darling, you are half of a whole. Alone you will be fine, but you must find someone to go on life’s journey with you, so you may be truly complete.”

Darren looked at her with sadness still tinging his soul. “When will I find them? Where are they?”

Cerina gave her boy a sad smile, ruffling his curls. “You'll find them when the time is right hun, when you are ready to find them. I have no idea where they are, but one day you will be together. It may be a wait, it may not be when you expect, but it will happen.”

Cerina hugged her boy tight, hoping to relieve his fears, wishing life could stop being hard for her sweet boy, but she also knew that cruelty slept in the hearts of the ignorant. “Whomever you are meant to be with my darling, they have beautiful eyes that change colour, which means they must be terribly special. Just like you.” 

With that she left a wet lipstick-smeared kiss on Darren’s forehead and went to check on their supper for the evening. Darren jumped to the bathroom to scrub off the bright red mark, but he got distracted by the sight of his eyes in the mirror. Both shining, but only his was shot through red from tears. The other was bright blue, almost radiating happiness from whatever his soulmate was doing. He smiled despite himself. Even if he did not want his life so tied to another’s, he was happy that his soulmate was not feeling his sadness and doubt.

Darren sighed. He was just going to have to learn to roll on without anyone right now and hope that in the end all this soulmate nonsense was worth it.  
~~

_February 5, 2005_

Darren awoke, gasping for breath and feeling like his chest was on fire. Looking at the clock he saw it was almost 2 in the morning, and when he flicked on the light, he finally saw what had caused him to awaken. On his chest, right over his heart, a cursive C had inscribed itself. 

It was **the mark**. The one that Darren had been wondering when he would get. Now he knew he was the older of his soul pair, though by how much was still a mystery. He watched as the next letter seemingly burned itself into his chest, a scriptive h, followed by an r, i, s. Each letter burned was absolute agony. Why had no one mentioned how much this fucking hurt? 

For now it seemed to be over. Chris. Christopher? Christine? Whoever it was, that was his other half. A black name spelling out his fate written across his heart. Darren touched it, almost reverently, finding no raised skin, almost like a tattoo on his soul. Chris. Despite it all, Darren smiled, touching the mark and feeling happy that through it all, he had gotten a name. Just one, and hopefully someone who he could make happy, who he would be enough for. 

Darren could still feel a mild panic rushing through him, and wondered if this was the first of the emotional bond that he had heard about. He sent a wave of calm out into the void, hoping one day that his Chris would be able to do the same for him. 

~~  
_And then fire shot down from the sky in bolts. Like shining blades of a knife. And it ripped right through the flesh of the children of the sun._  
~~

Another day, another locker shove. Another slur decrying soulmates of the same sex. It seems it didn't matter that Chris had never come out, had never stated a preference for boys. They just always assumed and paid no attention to the lore about the Children of the Sun. Well screw them all. He had only a few more months until graduation, then he could leave Clovis in the dust. Go find his destiny, find the mysterious ‘Darren’ that had written himself onto Chris’ skin right under where his soulmate mark would go. 

He was almost 14 when the mark appeared. Apparently when his soulmate hit 18 both their names appeared as a hint to help them find one another. He at first thought the name was not supposed to appear until after they bonded, or when perhaps it was not meant to be a bond of the romantic sense. He thought it meant he was meant for a platonic soul mate, and his inner romantic died a little. Upon further research, he found that everyone got a name when the older of the pair reached the age of 18. But the name that had inscribed itself over his heart was definitely that of a man. Which kind of confirmed why none of the girls had ever really interested him, something he had chalked up to not yet really entering puberty. 

Even though Chris appreciated the helping hand, he was terrified. He knew the mentality of Clovis, where the people were largely still not accepting of same sex soul mates, since they were so rare in the town. Many only accepted certain aspects of the lore, stating that only straight pairings were valid, and any others were deluding themselves. Or even worse, that they were the reason the gods had split them all up, as that type of pairing was unnatural and the gays had ruined it for them all. So Chris kept his shirt on, refused to let anyone see his mark. Trips to the doctor were out, swimming and the beach were met with scowls. Chris knew his parents loved him but who knew what they would think of who he truly was? 

Time had passed but Chris had retreated more into himself than not. Hiding this huge secret was killing him, but he refused to let it out. His parents were already stressed enough with all of Hannah’s medical stuff, no need to add to their burden by divulging this. Maybe when he left home to attend school in Los Angeles in the fall. But not now, not in Clovis. He knew now that being gay was who he was, given the faceless male specimen that starred in his nightly fantasies, but there was no need to give the idiots he went to school with the satisfaction of being right.

As the bell rang signalling the end of the day, Chris trudged through the hallways, knowing he still had a shift at the laundromat after school to contend with first. College didn’t come cheap and though he could get loans and his parents had promised to help, he knew that it would be on him to get through any more than the first year financially. Thankfully he could get a dorm at little cost, and maybe once he got there he would find that college was not for him. He wouldn't go at all if not for promising his parents that he would try for at least a year. Though he was sure when they suggested that they had intended for him to investigate the local community college, not UCLA for a writing program. 

Once upon a time Chris would have thought he would have gone straight onto the stage or television, but no auditions and limited credits to his name did not impress any performing arts programs anywhere. He took the screenplay he had been working on and the idea of a fairy tale story and decided maybe novels were where he wanted to put his love. Plus summers would be free to do stuff like Shakespeare in the park. He could always act in his spare time, sing at karaoke if he wanted others to endure the fact that his voice had never really dropped. Sure he could hit notes that divas were jealous of, but that got him typecast instead of adored. 

Another locker slam as the jocks shoved past, completely ignoring the people that now littered the hallways in their wake. Chris scowled but he was so tired of getting beat up for snarking at them and just couldn't afford to show up to work with a bloody nose...again. He briefly touched his chest, the warmth that always radiated from Darren’s name comforting him. One day they would be together, and Chris was sure that then life would get better. It just _had_ to be.

~~

_May 21, 2008_

When Chris finally turned 18, he knew the time had arrived for him to reach out to Darren rather than have Darren comfort him. He had spent three years having an unlimited resource of love and comfort, but Darren had nothing. Chris often wondered why the soulmate bond was so biased against the older of the two. They could help their younger partner, but were all alone when it came to their time of need. So as the clock ticked to the time he was born, Chris prepared to send out the largest burst of love he could. It had been _years_ , it was the least Chris could do to be there for Darren, to give him a least a little comfort for all the times he had been there for him.

The alarm on his phone went off, _Not Alone_ blaring from the tinny speakers. Chris had adored the song from the first time he watched A Very Potter Musical. It had spoken to him on some level, letting him know that no matter what, he was not alone, that the love between he and his soul mate would get him through the strongest storms. 

Plus it didn’t hurt that the guy who played Harry was freaking hot. He always wondered if the fact that his name was also Darren helped in that fact, but Chris tried not to dwell on it too much. He shook the thoughts out of his head, and sent all his love out in the universe to his soulmate... _his_ Darren. An instant wave of gratification came over him, and Chris knew that it had been worth it. One day he would find his prince, he would be able to show Darren his true feelings, and all this waiting would be over. 

Meanwhile, in a classroom in Michigan, Darren was mindlessly doodling in a feeble attempt not to fall asleep in class. Normally he would be paying attention, especially during a Political Science class, but the prof was so boring, droning on about their final papers which Darren had completed the week prior. He supposed it was his own fault for leaving the required Gen Ed. classes until now, but he had wanted to dive into the Fine Arts program head first. 

He was starting to pen some lyrics, just odd phrases that had been swimming around his subconscious for weeks now when it hit him. A near tidal wave of warmth and love. It surrounded him, almost emanating from within. What was this? But when Darren put his hand up to his heart, just to bask in the feeling, it seemed to get even stronger. As if the words emblazoned on his chest was the source of all the adoration he was currently being enveloped by. _Chris_. Chris was sending him feelings, strong wonderful, finally there feelings! Darren could feel the sob welling up in his throat and quickly got up from his spot.

He ignored his things, the glare of the classmates he stepped in front of, even the prof yelling his name. He raced out into the hallway, finding the nearest bathroom and slumped down against a stall. It was only then that he allowed himself to break, the tears flowing freely. All this time, he had thought himself alone, and then, unworthy of receiving anything from his soulmate. Of course time and study had let him know why he had been so neglected, but to experience it for the first time made every doubt die. He vaguely sent back as much gratitude and love as he could, wishing he could be there with Chris, pull them into an embrace instead of this vague warm tingling he was currently left with. But for now he would cherish this new connection, and patiently await the day that he could finally tell Chris how much that first time meant to him. 

~~ 

Stepping across the stage at the University of Michigan with a degree in hand, Darren beamed, but for some reason his heart wasn’t in his eyes as it normally was. He hugged all his StarKid friends, handing out high fives as he went looking for his parents. Instead he found a dark corner, placing a hand against his chest. Right over where Chris’ name was. It had appeared on his 18th birthday, seemingly out of nowhere. Darren hadn’t been phased, knowing it could mean any number of things. Some said it meant he was intended to be with a man, but Darren had never cared about the gender of his partner. All he knew is that touching that mark sent comfort to Chris, whomever and wherever they were. And Chris could finally do the same for him. 

Today it seemed that Chris needed comfort more than usual, giving how long the mark was panging. Darren had finally come to grips with having a soulmate, with all the torture little kids called harmless teasing. But knowing how often his other half was hurting, especially in the last three years, just made him wonder if it was worth it. He had no idea how to help other than the brief touch, and he longed to just reach out, hug the person meant for him. 

A sudden jolt came over him as he got dive bombed by Joey, cutting off his link and sending him into the dust. “Dare-bear! I thought you were off to find the parentals, not feel yourself up in an alleyway. Come on man!” With that, he started dragging Darren off towards where the Criss family was standing. Darren wished he could send some sort of apology out to Chris, but maybe when he and Joey went off to LA in the fall he could ask around, see if there was a better way to reach out and help Chris. 

Take the acting world by storm, maybe record an album, find Chris. Those were his only ambitions for the fall. He knew some soul mates went nearly their whole lives without each other, but gods, Darren could not bear that. He was just grateful that those dark days of endless wondering were behind him. 

But still, all those years spent virtually alone, seemingly ignored had taken their toll, made him start to doubt his worth, his value as half of a whole. Why was it that soul mates who were supposed to make your life better had done nothing but make his harder? Darren sighed, knowing that he shouldn’t complain. Some had lost their soul mates, some never bonded with them, preferring a solitary life. He just had to keep hoping, keep believing that it would all be worth it in the end. It had to be. 

~~  
_And if we don't behave, They'll cut us down again. And we'll be hopping round on one foot. And looking through one eye._  
~~

UCLA was...an experience to say the least. A lot more open-minded to be sure, but completely isolating for an introvert like Chris. He missed his parents, he missed the dogs, he even missed Hannah, though he would never admit to it. He loved his classes but had yet to make many friends, preferring to stick to the words floating around in his head instead of clouding them with alcohol. Not that he was prone to drinking, but that was not the point. 

So here he was, another Friday night alone in his dorm room, typing away as the Land of Stories poured from him. The swirling world of Alex and Connor may never see the light of day, but a Fairytales and Folklore class his sophomore year made it impossible to not at least get it down on paper...or well up to the Cloud at least. It was only when he had hit save that he noticed a pang of hurt that overwhelmed him. It radiated from his chest, specifically from Darren’s name. The first time he had felt this pain after his 18th birthday he had been terrified he was having a heart attack, but the mere touch of his hand to the mark seemed to quiet the ache. It was almost if...if he was sending his love and comfort to Darren. And Darren could do the same for him, something he felt he needed more often than not these days. He touched the name, sending his love and care to his soulmate, wishing more than anything it could ever be enough. 

Maybe one day they would meet. Maybe even here, but for now Chris had to focus on what he did have. And that was a way to help out the man who held his heart, even if it was merely through a vague feeling of comfort instead of reassuring words whispered into his ear or a firm hug. 

It had been over three years since he came to LA. Sure he loved the people he talked to in class, and he did spend time with them, but he still felt so alone. A void only that romance and love could fill. None of them were what he would consider _real friends_. Well, all except Nadia. They had bonded over a shared hatred of their Foreign Languages  & Literature prof when he denounced Victor Hugo as a pretentious pretender. She had taken him under her wing, showing him all the best spots to study, the food trucks to avoid, the tourist traps. 

The background of his phone was actually a photo of the two of them standing so you could see the Hollywood sign in the background, looking unimpressed. Nadia’s afro of curls shining in the sunshine, the pure cocoa of her skin highlighted by freckles across her nose. Chris’ own hair was swept up in what he had termed a coif, streaks of blond from the sun sticking out, a tinge of pink at the tops of his ears as he stubbornly refused to tan. It had been a wonderful day, something he swore to recreate when his parents came to visit in the coming weeks. 

A sudden blast of sound emanated from the direction of his phone, skidding along the desk from an incoming call. Nadia’s face popped up on the screen, and Chris smiled as he knew what was coming. He wasn’t going to fall to her charms this time though, he swore. The last time has ended with him covered in day-glo paint and a lifetime ban from the blacklight paintball arena. 

“Colfer!” Nadia screamed as he picked up, the sound of rock music blaring behind her. “You have to get your sinful looking behind into your tightest jeans and join me at Roxxy! You will never believe who is taking the stage in an hour!”

Chris sighed “Nads, I adore you, and I know you are trying to be a good hag, but I am not going to become some groupie, nor am I allowing you to become one either.” Nadia had discovered he was into men when she had caught him checking out the same man she was, but swore she would never out him. She understood his dilemma, though in the past few phone calls home his parents had stopped asking if he had met a nice girl to keep him occupied until he found his mate. So maybe...maybe there was hope.

“No Chris, you do not understand. It is Harry Freaking Potter! You made me sit through those musicals, so you damn well get yourself sexy to expecto his patronus! I **will** come drag you down here, you know I will!” The ominous silence of the phone call ending matched the excited nervousness churning in Chris’ stomach. The phone fell from limp hands, clattering to the floor, but Chris could barely bring himself to notice, let alone care. He had in fact, subjected Nadia to the StarKid Harry Potter musicals. More than once. Only he had never told her that half the reason he was obsessed was not because of his love for Hogwarts but for the innate connection he felt for Harry himself.

Darren Criss. The name resonated in his bones . Sure, maybe it was not the most common name, but somewhere in his heart, Chris knew that it was near impossible for his fanboy crush to be the same man who was intended to be his forever. It was rumoured that Darren Criss was known to swing both ways, but still...Chris was resolute, he had no chance with the man, but there was no way he was passing up the chance to meet him. He exchanged his sweats for the tightest jeans he owned, artfully tousled his hair and grabbed his stuff before booting it out the door.

Roxxy was an all ages club, not that it mattered to Chris, but it meant constantly showing his ID if he wanted to get a drink, curse his young looking face! Once he arrived and got the stamp showing he was allowed to drink, Chris was scouring the crowd for Nadia. A grab to his arm, a twirl and he was face to face with a tiny girl jumping up and down screaming nonsense at him. Obviously she was not in the under 21 crowd given the stench of cheap beer emanating from her. She was thankfully dragged off by one of her friends with an apologetic glance at Chris who was then assaulted from behind by the very girl who he had been looking for. 

“Took you long enough! Come on, we are going to rush the stage and get you some booty in the form of wizard boy! He is playing his set in 15, so let’s get you a drink and get ready to shout something obscene when he takes front and center!” With no word for argument, Nadia was dragging Chris off towards to the bar for a rum-laced Diet Coke and then to the stage. He had gotten used to being manhandled by this girl, and he supposed that she prevented him being a total hermit. But he did wish that she would consider the bruises she added to his collection by acting like his arm was the leash to her over excited puppy. 

Drink in hand, Chris stood in front of the stage amidst screaming girls as the band on stage finished their set. It was some techno punk thing that Chris had no interest in, but the girls around him seemed to be digging it. Nadia rolled her eyes with him, since she was a professed lover of show tunes and rap exclusively. The mere fact that she was here tonight meant that she was here on the hunt for some tail rather than the entertainment. Chris felt kind of bad he was crashing her chance at a good time, but the mere fact that she had put him above her quest for a man for the night warmed his heart. That or she was attempting to get him laid again, as he was apparently ‘too old to have never had _anything_ with a guy outside of stupid seventh grade spin the bottle shit’. Too bad he wanted it to be special, as misinformed as her opinion of him was. Maybe even with his soulmate, regardless of how long it took to find him. 

The man on stage gave one last scream of indignant rage before shouting “We are Plumtree! Thank you and good night! Oh yeah, and here’s Dare.” 

With that many of the girls scrambled to the bar, apparently in hopes that the band members would be gathering for a drink. _Groupies_ , Chris thought with a smirk, though he realized the reason he was here was not that far removed from the girls he was currently judging. It was then that Nadia tugged on his sleeve, pointing to the man who had taken the stage. Darren Criss. God the tiny screen of his laptop really did not do him justice. Chris could see the sweat already soaking the man’s indecently low cut white t-shirt, the necklaces tangling in chest hair, rings adorning the fingers running through a head of curls that had once put Nadia’s to shame. Now it was shorn down, but still gorgeous nonetheless. 

“Thanks for the great intro there Todd. Anywho, hi gang, I am Darren Criss, I am going to bring it down a little before they close ‘er up for the night. I hope you enjoy.” Darren said, his voice smooth and so much better than coming from tinny laptop speakers or even noise cancelling headphones. Chris was enraptured from the first second, but he knew his heart was no longer his own when Darren launched into one of his original tunes _Jealousy_. He was the picture of a rock star, crooning into the microphone and strumming the guitar with seemingly his entire body, tossing his head and squeezing his eyes shut. Chris’ eyes were pinned to the stage, and he was sure they were in permanent lovesick status.

~~

Darren was not sure how he had gotten this gig. Roxxy was a college bar that allowed students to play usually, but apparently the owners were one of the few who owned his EP and wanted to give him a chance. Darren suspected it was more of a last minute replacement situation type of deal, but who was he to turn down a gig? 

He had a bit of performance jitters earlier the evening, having been away from the stage for so long. Meaningless waiter jobs had been supplementing his income in the past few months while he waited on audition callbacks. So he had reached out, seeking the comfort only Chris could bring. He was so relieved every time that warmth surrounded him. Darren had learned that this was something that could only be done when the soulmates were 18, so he now knew that Chris was younger. That had been a relief to his aching heart, having spent years thinking his mate either just didn’t care or that maybe it was a weird one sided thing. There were days that the doubt lingered, but it had so much more to do with his past than his prospective future relationship.

Since coming to LA, Darren had been stuck playing in the bar scene more often than not. He had recorded his EP, sure, but more copies sat in the junk heap he shared with Joey called an apartment than in other peoples’ homes. He had a bit part on _Eastwick_ but that show had gone nowhere for him. So here he was, 24 years old playing to freshmen from UCLA and the groupies from Plumtree. But hey, free beers, decent crowd of attractive people, and rent for next month. He couldn’t really complain. Or shouldn’t anyway. 

As he strummed out his next tune, Darren looked out into the audience. The crowd at the bar had thinned out once they realized that Plumtree were going straight edge, aka too cheap to pay for their mixed drinks since the bar would only comp beer. The groupies were either out for a smoke or loudly discussing how hot they found the lead singer, Todd. A decent crowd was swaying to his tunes, though it was the duo in the front that had caught his attention. The girl was curved enough to be a 40’s pin up model with a head of hair that rivaled his own long gone mop. But it was the guy...the tall pale man with swoopy chestnut hair. The one in a simple blue shirt but jeans that highlighted his mile long legs. Darren could totally be down for seeing those in his room...on his bedroom floor next to his own. 

The one thing that was harshing his performance buzz was that between the smoky air and the dim lighting in the club, he could not make out any finer details of this man, but he swore that as soon as his last song was done, he was jumping off the stage and getting this guy’s number. Sure his heart would always belong to the still mysterious Chris, but he was not opposed to having a bit of fun while waiting for them to connect. And with his past concerning soul mates? He was willing to wait a long time for his other half. He would not live his life in waiting though, he would be honest, that ship had sailed before he even got the name thanks to junior prom. 

Darren had gotten around a bit, not caring what lay between a person’s legs but more so if they were down to get down and not a total dick. However, he tended to keep things casual and make sure that the other party knew that he was not up for something more serious. Not after Christine...no, not going down that route lest he bring himself down. So he had been with a few girls, fewer guys, in one disastrous threesome with a couple who had **issues** and even one drunken moment with quite a few of the StarKids that had been sworn to secrecy lest blood be spilled. Though he could sometimes still catch Joey checking out his ass after a particularly long dry streak. With this in mind Darren began belting out some Marvin Gaye, sending what he hoped was an alluring look to the man in the front row. At the blushing smile that was returned, Darren did an internal fist pump. 

Oh this night was **so** going his way. 

~~

Chris was not really the type to swoon, but right now? Total swoonage. Darren was amazing live. He was eclectic, from show tunes to Disney to his own stuff to all the old standards. Even if no one in the crowd was as appreciative for the man’s talent, Chris was population: 1 in Swoon Town. Especially after the sheer pants-melting look the man sent him during some truly sultry Marvin Gaye tune. 

Of course Chris had gotten some appreciative looks in the past. But nothing that was making him seriously consider giving his number to a guy. Maybe even go home with one. Sure the fact that it was Harry freaking Potter didn’t hurt, but even so, he wasn’t the prude that Nadia thought he was. He’d had a hookup or two at a parties where he got to experience oral pleasure with some frat guys. A quick mutual hand job in the bathroom of the only gay club he dared enter upon his arrival to LA. But he wanted his real first time,the time he went all the way, to be special. To be with **his** Darren. So he could have a bit of fun with random guys, wet his whistle so to speak, but he would save something for his other half. 

But still if Darren Criss wanted a tumble? Chris was all for a night in those sheets. Even if it was one night, it would be one he could hold in his heart forever. Until his soulmate came along, and then maybe it would be a funny story. He hoped _his_ Darren would see it that way any way. But there was no way that if he had a chance that he was going to pass it by. He had known that from the moment that Nadia had called him to tell him about this set. 

Nadia herself was rocking out to Darren’s set, but when she noticed the looks being exchanged between the two men she quietly excused herself back to the bar for a drink. No way was she going to need to act as wingwoman on this night. Colfer was getting him some, and about time too. She would send him a text later to let him know where to find her should he need an out, but hopefully she would not be needed. So she saddled up to the bar, order herself a drink and looked around the bar for a bit of her own fun. Maybe tonight would be the night she met her mate, the elusive Joey. 

~~

Darren finished his set, giving a slight bow and jumped right off the stage, his guitar still slung around his torso. He didn’t care that he was coated in sweat, he didn’t care that he was thirsty and tired. There was a smiling face looking for him, and it seemed that he was shyly awaiting Darren. He approached the man, running a finger through his damp curls, snagging a beer off the tray of a passing waitress with a wink. With a gulp of the liquid, he came within a distance of the man so they could potentially hear one another over the din of Darren’s following act. 

“Hey there, I’m Darren. You up for a drink with me?” he asked, a coy smile and heart eyes beaming out of his face. 

“Chris, and sure.” Chris said. But Darren could barely comprehend it. Sure Chris was a common name, but this man’s _voice_ went straight to the core of his soul. No voice had ever affected him so. It was light and melodious, but still strikingly masculine. Darren would stake his life on Chris having an incredible singing range. The dim lights of the club made it hard to tell the colour of Chris’ eyes but they both seemed to shine a dull green, though several shades apart. So not _his_ Chris then, almost a relief mixed with the smallest pang of longing. But no matter, he wasn’t prowling for his mate tonight. Just a fun night with someone he found attractive and fun. 

The two men moseyed to the bar, Darren ordering another rum and Diet Coke for Chris and a shot of whiskey for himself to chase his beer. They drank, and tried to talk, even through the raging din that rang through the bar. Darren refused to believe that this adorable man was a fan of his, even though he could quote AVPM from memory. That led to a debate over books or movies, their own houses and headcanons about the whole Draco/Harry ship. It seemed Darren could not have picked a better man with whom to spend his evening. Even if it went nowhere further than their drinks when it came to a romantic hook-up, he was determined to keep Chris in his life. 

Chris felt a vibration in his pocket. He was sure Nadia was giving him an out, but at this point? He was not going anywhere but home with Darren if the option presented itself. With the barman announcing closing time he knew they would have to make a decision one way or the other. Darren looked at him expectantly, motioning the exit, and holding out his hand. “Do you wanna head out with me? Maybe we could grab a coffee or go back to mine for a movie? As long as you don’t have a Saturday morning class or something. I am down for anything as long as it means that I get to spend more time with you.” 

Chris smiled, took Darren’s hand and tugged him out the door. “So which way is your place again?” With that, there was no stopping Darren as he tugged them into a kiss, Chris’ back meeting the wall outside the bar. When they came up for air, there was no denying they both enjoyed it, given their heavy breathing. With a smirk, Chris pulled him back into a kiss, from which Darren hated to pull away from. 

“Crap okay, we will get arrested for public indecency if we don’t stop. Come on, let’s grab a cab and get back to mine before I say screw it and take you against this wall.” Darren continued dragging him closer but also towards the road where a line of cabs usually hung out around now, and yanked them both into the closest one. With a quick recitation of the address, Darren went right back to consuming Chris’s mouth, but not enough for the cab driver to give the perfunctory ‘no funny business’ line. 

Chris was on cloud nine. Sure Darren was drenched in sweat, but it gave him a musky smell that added to his allure rather than give him flashbacks to a locker room. His hair was a mess of tangles that seemed eager for his fingers. None of that mattered because Darren? Was a supremely amazing kisser. He felt like he might need that mythical cigarette after tonight, if the kissing was anything to go by. He was already straining his tight jeans, could feel everything in him screaming to straddle Darren’s lap but thankfully his brain was keeping in mind that they were in a moving vehicle. Which had just come to an abrupt stop. 

Darren threw some money at the cab driver, holding Chris’s hand as he escorted him to the small house that he called home. He had already texted Joey to stay clear or hide for the evening, but he hoped the atomic bomb of food, laundry and sheet music had been cleaned before Joey had gone out. The door swung open, and then Darren found himself being pushed up against it once they were both inside, a pair of lips firmly attached to his. Lips that stayed magnetized as they stumbled through the hall, backs hitting walls with enough strength to make picture frames tilt askew. 

Clothes littered the floor as they made their way down the hall, shoes kicked off and shirts being practically ripped in the effort just to get them _gone_. By the time they reached Darren’s room both of their pants were undone, glimpses of soft cotton or in the case of Darren, overheated flesh were exposed. This caused Chris to trip backwards, tipping himself onto the plush mattress, pulling Darren atop of him, their mouths never really parting unless they needed precious air or to explore the topography of each other’s jaws, necks, collar bones. No attention was paid to the names on their chests, too lost in lust to really care who the other man truly belonged to. At the moment they finally found the pillows, pants had been lost, Chris’ underwear were dangling off his left ankle and neither man could really give a damn about anything else. 

At first it was frantic rubbing against one another, not getting much friction, but hands were too busy mapping out torsos for that to matter much. Apparently Darren had very sensitive nipples when mouthed at, and Chris arched languorously as Darren ran his hands over his chest. Chris discovered that bruises sucked hard along his hips drove him crazy but Darren was extremely ticklish along the sharp line of his hips. His laughter broke any lingering tension between them, and finally they just smiled at one another. Only the moon was shining in, making everything dark and muted soft, so neither could be bothered to turn on a light. Darren reached over Chris into his nightstand drawer, extracting a small tube of lube, smearing some over his hand, then taking both of them in hand. 

All noise disappeared except their gasps as Darren’s hand began to fly. Their hips moved in sync, rotating and thrusting as his grip increased. It had been building all evening, so it was not long before that coiling pleasure began to bubble up. Kissing was nearly futile, so they were merely panting into one another’s mouths, tasting the other’s air. Chris’ hands scratched marks down Darren’s back while Darren tried to keep himself upright on one elbow while his other hand grasped them tight. It was becoming too much, as fast as it was, but there was just something between them, some unnameable spark that made every action more intense and every feeling augmented. Neither man had felt this sensation in the past but chalked it up to their amazing chemistry, unwilling to question it as anything more substantial than that. 

A final messy kiss, a grabbing of Darren’s rather spectacular ass and a twist of a wrist was all Chris needed to tumble over the edge, a near deafening moan escaping him. Darren followed shortly after, letting out a grunt and groan that had Chris curling his toes with the sexiness of it. He had the breath knocked out of him when Darren collapsed on him with a kiss to his sternum. Chris pushed him off with a breathless laugh, enjoying the sated smile, the sleepy eyes. He had done that, made Darren Criss look like _that_. Darren grabbed a few tissues off his nightstand, both of them cleaning off as best they could manage before collapsing back onto the bed in a pile of limbs. 

“Stay?” Darren asked, his voice slurred by his overwhelming need for sleep. Chris just murmured in assent and curled up against him, drifting off to sleep before Darren could even register the response. Unbeknownst to either man, their mark glowed softly, turning a bright red, the names seemingly branded on their skin once more. 

As the sun shone through the blinds, Darren began to stir. He could feel a warm body still wrapped around him, and the contented feeling that came with a satisfying night. He recalled the wonderful time with Chris, not just the excellent sex but the sheer fact that Chris was a great guy who truly interested him. Maybe they could continue where they left, maybe even become more until they found who they were meant for? He knew he had sworn off anything serious, but damn, he could **not** let this Chris go from his life that easily. He wanted more than anything to take this chance. 

It was then that Chris began to stir, nuzzling into Darren, making him smile. He could finally make out the plethora of freckles that adorned Chris’ face, the highlights in his hair. But it was when Chris opened _his_ eyes, a sleepy smile on his face did Darren freeze. There staring up at him were his eyes. The ones that had been staring back at him from the mirror since he was born. He had accidentally met and slept with his soulmate. 

Well **fuck**.


	2. Chapter 2

_Last time I saw you, We had just split in two. You were looking at me. I was looking at you. You had a way so familiar, But I could not recognize._  
~~

Darren knew he should be dancing for joy, he had found the person he had spent his whole life looking for. A person he clicked so well with, a person he had amazing sexual chemistry with. But he was freaking out, trying not to show it on his face, hoping Chris had yet to realize that they were each other’s missing piece. He was not prepared to deal with this, to take on being someone’s soulmate right now. To be everything he was sure Chris needed in his life. Yes they both had been waiting, but Darren’s relationship with the whole soulmate ‘thing’ had never been a healthy one. He **didn’t** want to complete somebody, he didn’t need somebody to complete him. He just wanted a loving partner without fate dictating that it could only be one person. He wanted to choose love for himself. No matter what his eyes or his mark had to say about it. Not after... _her_.

But he also didn’t want to be cruel, to turn Chris away. He just wanted them to be natural, to make their own choices. Neither of them would be in their right mind to do so right now, especially if Chris realized what he did. Though doubtlessly, Chris could feel his inner turmoil, given they were so closer and Darren’s mind was reeling. So he shut himself down, hoping he could get them to come apart, take the time they needed to process and maybe reunite when his heart was not rebelling against logic. 

Chris was confused. He had awoken snuggled into Darren, feeling warm and content. Maybe they weren’t meant to be, but Chris had wanted to maybe have a morning repeat before he went on his way. Perhaps they could date, or at least be friends, because the connection he had with Darren? He wanted to hold onto it for as long as he could. But right now, looking at Darren’s eyes, all he could feel was Darren’s conflicted emotions. It was then that he finally noticed said eyes, one a golden hazel that shone like whiskey. The other...the other was a stormy blue that greeted him every morning. Oh, now he understood. Darren...Darren Criss was his soulmate. And he was conflicted about that. He didn’t want a soulmate. Or even worse, he didn’t want _Chris_ as a soulmate. 

Chris would normally send out a wave of comfort to heal the confusion he could feel radiating from Daren, but right now he had stiffened up. Should he bother? Could he neglect his soulmate, a man that did not seem to see their meeting as a joyous occasion but as a prison sentence? Would he be forced to endure a life without a soulmate or would it be worse to live his life with a man who was resigned to him? 

Both men could feel the storm of feelings brewing within the other. Knowing they had entered into an unexpected situation, they finally looked at one another, seeing the conflict that lay in their identical eyes. The unknown of this was anguish, but could they really give up what had been conscripted for them? Darren finally could not take the uncomfortable silence any longer and spoke up “So...you’re him.” with a gesture to the name on his chest that Chris could finally see now that the light was good. That was _his_ name. 

Chris pointed to the curvy Darren on his own chest “And you’re him. I never imagined that...I’d find you. Or that my high school crush would turn out to be the man I’ve been looking for since I knew what a soulmate was. I know that we have a lot to figure out. And I’m not expecting anything, but I don’t want to lose you...”

Darren cut off Chris’ rambling by a gentle touch to his jaw . “I get it. I think that maybe it would be best if we got up and dressed, maybe go have some breakfast, and figure out where we want to go from here. I don’t want to lose you, but I don’t want to jump in blind either. Is that okay?” At Chris’ nod, he extracted himself from the bed to gather his clothes from the floor “You go shower first, there should be a spare toothbrush in the cabinet, and I’ll jump in when you’re done.” 

The shower started to run, and while Darren would normally be making his overnight guest some breakfast, today he was trying not to have a panic attack. The man in his shower, the one whom he had a great night with, was his soulmate. Could he really walk away from that? Would Chris agree to trying them out rather than unconditionally expecting them to be meant for each other? He took a deep breath but it did little to calm him, instead ramping up his panic. Until a wave of comfort and calm came over him, making him remembering how intense Chris could probably feel his panic. As much as this situation was not what he pictured for meeting Chris, he was eternally grateful for the man. 

Chris stepped out of the shower, trying to send waves of calm to Darren, knowing they were both panicking, but it seemed all the worse for him. Chris had always seen a soulmate as a comfort, as a light at the end of the tunnel that was the hell of Clovis. He wanted the fairy tale, he wanted that other half of him to be in his life as more than a vague feeling, two different coloured eyes and a name on his chest. But maybe Darren felt differently. Maybe he was someone who saw a soulmate as a noose more than a life preserver. Maybe he even had expected a different person, a woman even. Was he disappointed in the fact that he was now tied to Chris? He could feel his own swirling panic starting to rise like a bile in his throat. 

Darren could feel Chris’ panic, but instead of relying on their link, he went to him, scooping the other man up into a hug. “Hey, I’m here okay. I know we have things to work out, but no matter what, I will always be here for you. Now I am going to get myself clean, then we are going to make some sort of food for what I can find in my kitchen. Then we will talk, and hopefully we’ll stop giving the other residual panic attacks. Okay?”

Chris nodded, snuggling into Darren just a little, grateful for the comfort of a hug, having gone so long without physical affection that came from a potential romantic partner. They both reluctantly let go, Darren to finally shower, Chris to investigate the fridge and see what his less than meager culinary skills could whip up. 

~~

Darren emerged from the shower, smelling the acrid scent of smoke wafting through the small apartment, and run to the kitchen, skidding on the floors only to find Chris waving a oven mitt over the toaster, trying to ensure the smoke alarm did not wake the rest of the neighborhood. Darren had to smile. It was nice to know that Chris wasn’t perfect, though his stomach mourned the loss of toast. He gently nudged Chris out of the way and tossed the charred remnants into the trash before turning the knob down for attempt number two. 

It was a quiet, awkward meal, neither wanting to discuss their situation on empty stomachs. But it felt like they were putting off the inevitable by saying nothing. Finally the silence got to Darren, wishing for the comfortable chemistry he had felt for Chris last night. “So, what are you studying at UCLA?” _Yes Darren, ask him questions like a nosy relative, great move_ he internalized. Chris just sent him a smile, looking like even if the subject was not what they should really be discussing, it was an appreciated icebreaker. 

“Writing. Well English I guess, but I want to write. Novels, screenplays, kid’s books. I just...love writing. It helped me cope through some tough times in my past. I could escape from reality, get lost in a world that wasn’t my own. So I want to create the new worlds that will do that for other kids. Inspire them. You studied acting right?” Chris asked, taking a gulp of orange juice, trying not to cringe at the pulpy texture.

“Yeah, UMich. Best four years of my life. Introduced me to some of my best friends, let me form StarKid and be Harry for awhile. Plus I wrote the music and songs, so that let me keep my love of music close. Helped that I could just adjust some of the songs that were all mine for my EP. It was a trip,” Darren responded, wishing he was bold enough to wipe the smear of jam Chris had at the corner of his mouth. 

“Human? I may have worn out my copy from all the replays I went through. Thank the gods for iTunes honestly, otherwise they would be lost forever.” Chris said, an embarrassed smile on his face. 

Darren looked at Chris, wishing he could believe in himself more in order to believe that Chris really was a fan of him. “You know you don’t have to lie to me about that kind of stuff just because we’re…” he trailed off, gesturing to the names on their chests, hidden though they were under shirts. 

Chris looked almost indignant, then pulled out his phone, opening up his music app, and went to Darren’s songs, showing the other man the truly impressive number of plays each of the tracks had. Darren then noticed _Not Alone_ had almost double the amount of plays than any other song. That song, that was the song he had written for Chris, during a time when he was receiving hurt emotions almost daily. He wanted to send out the feeling of being there for each other out into the void, in the vain hope that it would help _his_ Chris. Darren could feel the tears welling up in his eyes, but quickly blinked them away. One day he would tell Chris that was his song, that he had always intended to play it for him at their wedding, just...not today. 

He handed back Chris’ phone, hoping his emotions were muted enough for Chris not to question them. Though Chris’ understanding smile was enough. “Alright, I believe you. You can officially claim the title of my number one fanboy. Maybe we’ll get you a hat or something,” Darren teased, causing Chris to squawk at him, and giving a little shove to his arm before they both burst out in laughter. They both finished their toast, and while Darren normally was all about leaving the dishes, Chris insisted they at least get rinsed before they were added to the mountain in the sink. Then they could not put it off any longer. It was time for them to face the music. 

Darren led them both to the living room couch where they sat down facing each other. He could feel they were both trying to find the right words, but knowing he was the one who freaked out, Darren sighed and began. “I suppose I should be a gentleman and let you go first, but I kind of want to explain where I’m coming from, explain my history so you can decide if who I am is what you want once I’m done, ‘kay?” Chris nodded, an aborted movement of his hand like he wanted to reach out to Darren. He squeezed Chris’s hand for a second before he could question himself, holding onto the rush of comfort he could feel even as their hands let go.. “Alright, I guess I could start from the beginning, but what I really need to talk about is Christine…”

~  
_Darren smiled at the patrons of Maggiano’s, some leaving tips in the brandy glass he had left out on the end of the piano. It was a good night, a nice crowd for a Thursday night, not like there was before the club scene started jumping, but not barren like it could be during the week. This was not a bad gig, and though he ached for that movie cliché of being discovered, at least he could still audition during the day, and pick up shifts as a busboy when times were going slow. Plus the boss gave him free food, let him advertise his EP during the show and was pretty good about letting Darren play whatever he liked as long as it was PG rated when it came to language._

_Darren was packing up his gear when a voice stuttered out his name, but he froze solid when he looked up to see who it was. There before him was a lovely, petite girl with a cute blonde bob and a smattering of brownish freckles across her nose. But it was her eyes...his eyes that had him imitating a statue. He was sure, those were his eyes. One shining a blueish green, the other a carmely brown. Her smile at looking in his eyes lit up her features, and Darren was gone. She stuck her hand out to him, and with just a few words, his world turned upside down._

_“Hi Darren. My name is Christine, and I think you might be my soulmate.”_  
~

At this point Chris had to interrupt. “Was her name actually Christine? Because I can already tell this story doesn’t have a happy ending. I mean, you knew when you looked into my eyes but…” 

Darren pressed a finger to his mouth. “No, it was her actual name, her actual eyes. It didn’t start out bad. But I fooled myself into thinking there was the real soulmate connection between her and I. That the emotions we were sending each other “ he said with a wave between the two of them “were between her and I. With you, something in me just knew. I can’t explain it, maybe if you let me get through the bulk of the story…” he replied, Chris looking cross and so so tempted to lick Darren’s fingers to derail him. Instead he pressed his lips into a gentle kiss, and rolled his eyes in a way that showed he was willing to behave. 

“Anyway, before I was so rudely interrupted…”

~  
_And the children of the moon, Were like a fork shoved on a spoon. They were part sun, part earth, Part daughter, part son._  
~

_Darren and Christine spent an entire weekend together, just talking. He found that she was just starting at Cal State studying Social Work on early admission. She was from Washington, and had been dying to live in a state that was not wet 90% of the year. She had been raised by a single mom with a parade of boyfriends who ranged from awful to had-to-file-a-restraining-order bad. She had never met her father, nor did she know if he knew of her existence. She showed him the loopy Darren scrawled over her heart, and told him she was fine with being called Chris, having grown up as a tomboy when she saw the spiky name over his heart._

_“I know this is strange. But I’ve been visiting the restaurant with my girlfriends for a few weeks now. They finally told me that I was getting dumped there. If I approached you and nothing came of it, they would come back for me. I’m kind of glad that they didn’t have to.” she confessed shyly._

_“Me too.” Darren said, pulling her in for a quick kiss. It was a wonderful kiss. Just...no fireworks like he had always heard that occurred when you met your soulmate. Darren chalked it up to the lore once again being mistaken, at least when it came to him. Christine didn’t seem to have any objections, if the dazed look he saw when he pulled away was any indication._

_Time passed, and while they decided not to physically bond right away, they spent nearly every moment together. Darren worshipped the ground Christine walked on, thrilled that she cared for him, would listen to him talk about his day, and seemed to care when he got turned down for a part or when a customer was rude to him. She in turn, told him about her classes, complained about the terrible people she worked with at the college bookstore to help her mom pay off tuition. She listened politely to him play his songs and he helped her learn terms. From the outside, they seemed like the perfect couple._

_That is, unless you asked Joey. He and the few StarKids who had migrated to LA had all met this girl claiming to be Darren’s soulmate. And he didn’t like her. She was never outwardly rude to any of them, but you could tell she was only barely tolerating their presence in Darren’s life. She was never down for all day Harry Potter marathons, for random trips to Venice Beach on the weekend because they wanted to see the ocean. So she started asking Darren to hang out at her place more, around her friends. To go shopping where he was regulated to purse holding and man couches._

_Then it was changing his wardrobe, tossing his more geeky tees for respectable, expensive name brand button ups. Making him cut his hair from the signature afro to a short mop, claiming she was afraid that some woodland creature would jump out from there and god could he even get a comb through it anyways? Plus it would look more professional for auditions, the fro only made him stand out in a bad way._

“Is **that** what happened to your hair?” Chris asked, looking like he almost mourned the mass of black curls that used to adorn Darren’s head. “I mean, you look hot without it, but I had many the high school fantasy of seeing just how those curls made you react when they were pulled…” he petered off with a blush.

“Okay one stop interrupting, but yes, that is where the nest went. Secondly, I was never much for the hair pulling after my first boyfriend nearly tore a chunk out when I went down on him for the first time.” Darren replied, but a dark part of his mind wondered if Chris would be more gentle, if he could persuade him back into loving having his hair played with.

_Darren never really noticed or cared about Christine’s so called ‘self-improvement’. She had a point about taking his acting seriously, about approaching it maturely if he wanted casting directors to take him seriously. And yes, he would rather hang with his friends some nights than sit around waiting for Christine to stop gossiping with her friends to pay attention to him. He thought being with his soulmate would be different from being with any regular girlfriend. But at least he had found her, there was no more searching. He had never wanted everything to be perfect, but he was just hoping for...more._

_Months continued to pass, and things didn’t get any better. Joey barely saw Darren anymore, even though they lived together. And when he did, his friend more resembled a whimpering puppy begging for attention than a man. It was made worse by the way Christine continued to nag and complain. Nothing Darren did was good enough-- he went to the wrong auditions, he spent too much time on his silly music instead of trying to find a real job. His self-confidence was shot, seeing himself as not worthy of being given any attention from her. But he lapped it up when she deemed him worthy enough to dole it out. Joey tried to talk to him, get him to realize that he needed help, needed to get away from this girl._

_“But Joe, she’s my soulmate. She loves me! She’s the only one who does!” Darren insisted, on the rare occasion Joey had him alone._

_“Dare, has she ever told you she loved you? You haven’t even bonded with this girl, and yet you’re devoted to her when she treats you like dirt under her heel. Why are you letting this go on?” Joey demanded, wishing he could just take Darren by the shoulders and shake some sense into him._

_Darren sighed, Joey just didn’t understand. Christine insisted that she wanted to wait to bond. She barely let him touch her anymore, saying she wasn’t a piece of meat for him to paw. But he hoped that one day soon they would bond, and all this would be worth it. That some part of this soulmate lore would make his life better, would live up to the hype and stop making him feel like he was worthless._

“Okay, please tell me someone slapped some sense into you.” Chris interrupted, not feeling the least bit sorry for stopping the tale of this horrible woman. 

Darren sighed, running his fingers through his hair. He hated reliving this dark period of his life, but Chris deserved to know. “No. We did eventually sleep together, and no mark appeared. I tried telling her I loved her, and the next day there was a mark. But it wasn’t mine. Turns out she covered up her real one with make-up. I didn’t find out until weeks later, when I walked in on her with another dude. Turns out she had been seeing him for half our relationship, but he was with someone else too. She figured out pretty damn quick that he was her true soulmate, this **other** Darren. He took a while to figure it out for himself, and then it was an affair until he ended his other relationship. She was pretty good to me until she met this guy, but didn’t want to end things with me for whatever twisted reason, so she turned just evil. They didn’t bond right away, and when they did, she used makeup to keep me fooled. It was just a big fucked up situation all around.”

_Darren stood there, shell-shocked. There, wrapped around his girlfriend, his soulmate, was another man. They had thrown a blanket over them to keep modest, but refused to separate. They had spelled it out, that they were true soulmates, that Darren was not hers, and why she want him to be. He was worthless, whoever was his real mate could do so much better than him. So he could kindly get himself out of her life and stop polluting the population with his presence. Or at least that was what it sounded like when she let him down. His whole world was crumbling around him, sounds were muffled, his eyes blurry with tears. This couldn’t be happening. It just couldn’t._

“That bitch!” Chris exclaimed, then held a hand up to his mouth, wishing he could stop interjecting so Darren could get through his story, but he was getting the idea of why he was being told it. This detestable woman had broken Darren, reduced him to nothing, and he was still rebuilding. He needed Chris to be the strong one, to help him go back to being himself, someone who believe he was worthy of love, of a soulmate. One who would only bring him higher, not drag him down with their own issues. Chris knew he was insecure himself, but resolved to be strong for Darren, to be his prince charming if he would let him. 

Darren smiled, seeing the resolve in Chris’ face, the warmth that flowed from him, bringing a soothing calmness to his heart. “Anyways, I stumbled home, got stinking drunk, listened to Joey tell me _I told you so_ about a million times. And ever since I have kept things casual, tried to be careful around anyone named Chris. But there was something about you that made me want to trust you. Made me want to give you this chance. But Chris? She may have been right...about me not being worthy of you. I know how much you hurt during the past few years. You need a hero, and this guy is just not ready to don that particular suit of armour right now.” 

~  
_They had two faces peering, Out of one giant head, So they could watch all around them, As they talked; while they read. And they never knew nothing of love._  
~

Chris sat there, a little stunned. All his life, he wanted that Disney prince to come in, sweep him away that was the hell of Clovis. To not be neglected because health concerns of others had to come first. To give him inspiration, to support him, to tear away the darkness. He never thought about his soulmate needing him to be the savior, needing him to be the rescuer. Not until he got hold of Darren’s emotions, and he could remember the night they were pure agony. Nothing Chris did then seemed to help, making him feel useless in being able to help his mate. Now it all made sense. Maybe now he could help Darren see what it was really like to be with your soul mate, to be truly loved and appreciated. He would prove that being with your one true other half was worth all the agony that Darren had endured. It was the least he could do, just to be here as he had wished to be so long ago. 

Chris reached out, taking Darren’s hand and looked into the eyes that had been haunting his dreams for years. “I’m so sorry for what happened to you. I wish I could have been there, but maybe now that I am here, I can at least help you heal. I’m not saying we bond right away. Because yes, I was looking for that hero in high school. The kids there were less understanding about the lore. Claiming ‘fags’ were the reason that everyone got split up, the gods realizing that we were a mistake. It was hell. But your warmth helped me through that. Now I want to be the one who helps build you up again. Back to the Darren I know from YouTube and from my own heart. Maybe we stay friends, maybe we date, but I am always going to be your soulmate. And you **are** worthy of me, but more importantly? I have to prove myself worthy of you. I have to prove that I can be what...who you want. Prove that I’m worth giving this whole soul mate nonsense a try again. So please, let me be here for you.”

Darren could feel the tears swimming in his eyes, moved by this man who he had literally just met but was so willing to bend over backwards just to make him happy. That Chris got him better than some of his closest friends that he had known for years. Yet there was an undercurrent in what Chris had said, his own sadness and insecurities. “You don’t have to prove anything Chris. Part of me is screaming to claim you and never let you go. But the other half is telling me to hold back to avoid getting hurt or hurting you. But maybe you can tell me your story, explain why you think you aren’t what I am looking for.”

Chris smiled at Darren, taking his hand, the callouses and blunt nails mesmerizing him. This was the hand he was meant to hold, the one he had dreamed about offering him a dance at prom, rubbing his back after too many locker shoves, brushing away his tears after Hannah had a particularly scary health day. “I guess what I mean is, are you okay with your soulmate being a man? I know you said you dated guys, but maybe you always envisioned the white picket fence, wife, 2.5 kids kind of life. I can’t give you all that Darren. Are you sure you’re okay settling?” Chris said, almost in a whisper.

Darren tucked a finger under Chris’ chin, lifting it up so he could look him in the eyes, touching their foreheads together tenderly. “Okay, I have been out since I was 16. I like people, regardless of their privates, had more girlfriends than boyfriends yes, but my heart, my soul has never had a preference. And with a guy, I can still get married, still have kids, and I have never **once** in my life seen the appeal of a white picket fence. So no, Chris, I am not settling. I like you, dumbass. Boy, girl, dinosaur, whatever, it makes no fucking difference to me. Never doubt that.”

Chris had to chuckle at that. This was what he had always hoped for when it came to having a soul mate, someone to reassure him, understand him. So he started talking, explaining the bigotry he grew up with in backwards Clovis. The abuse that was reported but not dealt with because of lack of witnesses or equally bigoted administration. The period of homeschooling that mostly made him feel safer but so desperately lonely. He whispered about Hannah, spending nights in the hospital wondering if the last time he saw his little sister would be buried in wires and tubes. How his parents tried their best, but she always came first, making him hungry for that unconditional love that a soulmate was sure to guarantee. He never resented Hannah for any of it, but he sometimes wished he could have his parents back. He talked candidly about how much Darren reaching out through the void helped get him through high school. “No pressure here, but you are probably the reason I’m still here. One because you were there for me. Two because I could not bear to do that to you. I was so happy when I first got your comfort, it meant the world to me Darren, you have no idea.” 

“Tell me about the first time you got the feeling of me being there?” Darren asked.

~~  
_Eggs. Why did they have to throw eggs? Worse yet, red dyed eggs, because it was Valentine’s Day. They taunted that he would never celebrate the holiday with his soulmate, that the gods would soon strike down all their mistakes again, leave them to dust. Because they assumed he was meant for a man. Even though Chris would never let them know they were right, it was terrible that they assumed, that they judged. That they justified something outside his control as a reason to hate him._

_He wiped the shells from his face, staring at his reflection in the mirror. One blue eye, red rimmed and furious, the other a warm hazel that looked almost glazed over in boredom. Well it seems that Darren wherever he was, was probably falling asleep in class or something. Even that thought could do nothing to dispel the despair that he was currently wallowing in. He just wished that he could be wrapped in the warmth of a loving embrace, wished that someone would come to his defense._

_It was then that a warm feeling of love and reassurance came over him. It was unlike anything he had ever felt before. It was like there was someone there with him, whispering words into his ears to carry on, a faint feeling of just adoration, making sure he knew that it would get better. What was this? He was stunned for a minute, then had the urge to put his hand over his heart. The feeling of warmth and belonging grew stronger, his palm hot like the name over his heart was a brand. Was Darren somehow able to feel his emotions? Was he able to send him some sort of help through a bond of some sorts? That had to be it. Could Chris send his gratitude back?_

_Chris wished he could ask his mom, the best resource he had about soul mates up to about two weeks ago when the name had appeared on his chest. His parents would love him regardless...he hoped. But why chance it ? Why tell them and potentially end up homeless or an outcast in his own house? No, maybe when he was 18 he would tell them, when he would be off to college or be able to leave the house on his own if worse came to worse._

_So Chris steeled himself, cleaned the rest of the egg off himself, and resolved to make himself a date with the soulmate section of the local library. He had research to do. _  
~~__

__Darren looked at Chris, a question burning up in him. “Do your parents know now? What happened there?”_ _

__Chris looked at the floor, scuffing his foot against the threadbare carpet. “They know I got a name, a boy’s name. I told them when I got to UCLA, so that they couldn’t kick me out. It’s rude to ask about it, so they didn’t ask about how long it was there or anything. They just assume that I didn’t tell them because it was a platonic bond. They assume that I’m asexual, which explains why I never brought anyone home. I have never corrected that assumption, because until I found you, knew it would be a romantic bond for sure, I didn’t want to disappoint them. I’m a coward when it comes to this. I just don’t want to lose them if it can be avoided.”_ _

__Darren grasped Chris’ hands tightly within one of his, using the other the wipe the tears away from his cheeks. “Do you want to tell them? I will be there, either through Skype or in person, whatever you need. I think you’ll be surprised by how they react. And if not, then I’m there to hold you and help you pig out on ice cream afterwards.”_ _

__Darren was so brave, so selfless. That was all that was that was floating through Chris’ mind as he looked at his soul mate, maybe truly seeing him for the first time. Here he was, full of doubts and not sure of how to proceed, but willing to bypass all that to keep Chris safe, make him feel happy. It was then that Chris realized that as tempted he was, he could not do that to Darren. He didn’t need that pressure, not right now. “Maybe once we’ve figured us out first? Because they will ask questions that I have no idea how to answer right now. So I say I go home, we both take time to process this, and maybe in a few days we meet up and talk more? We take this as slow as we want, each day as it comes, to make sure it’s real this time. Now give me your phone so we can at least text and stay friends no matter what.”_ _

__An exchange of cells had Darren giggling. “What? Is it the terrible picture? Because I plead the fifth on that.” Chris asked as he added himself to Darren’s phone. Wordlessly, Darren handed back the phone and Chris could feel himself slump as he saw what had prompted the laughter._ _

_Nads: Colfer tell me you went home and tapped that generous booty after, because otherwise I may actually have to start worrying about where you are._

__“Is she calling my ass fat?” Darren asked with mock indignation._ _

__“No honey. Believe me, both of us greatly appreciate the amount of junk you have in your trunk. Well maybe me more so than her now that I’ve gotten to touch it…” Chris replied, a blush staining his cheeks while Darren gave him a shit eating grin. “Okay, now that I have thoroughly embarrassed myself, I think I should head out. I won’t say anything to her or anyone until we figure us out okay? Or bare minimum at the very least. See me to the door?”_ _

__Darren grabbed Chris into a passionate kiss, full of tongue and gratitude. “Thanks. So much. I’ll call you soon okay?” Chris nodded, and waved as he walked away, probably towards the nearest bus stop, since UCLA was too close to bother with a taxi but too far to walk and had refused a ride. Darren slumped against the door, running his fingers through his hair. It felt different from with Christine, but what if he was fooling himself again? He couldn’t handle going through this twice. Yet when he pulled away his shirt to look at the name over his heart, it was a blood red. Well, that was new. Maybe, just maybe, this Chris was the real thing after all. Maybe he could let his heart trust once more. Just maybe._ _

__~~_ _

__Nadia whistled at Chris as he entered his dorm room. “Walk of shame, nice job, now give me all the details!” she hooted as he tossed his shirt from yesterday into the hamper near the end of the bed. He sent her a look, which made her roll eyes but dutifully turned around and covered her eyes so that he could get changed in some semblance of privacy. “You know if I had interest in your scrawny pale butt I would have peeked by now. I prefer my guys with a bit more bulk and not translucent, thanks. Now, seriously spill.”_ _

__Chris quickly tossed his clothes and found some new lazing pants before pulling on a clean set of boxers and a t-shirt. “Not much to say hun. We got along, we went to his place, had some nice orgasms, decent nap, burnt some toast, went home.”_ _

__“The burnt toast was all you, wasn’t it?” she questioned with a snicker._ _

__“Shut it,” was the only reply she got. “I’m done, you can feel safe not having been blinded by my magnificence.”_ _

__She twirled around, and Chris was so thankful to have a single room, because no roommate would ever put up with her antics. “So that’s it? You hook up with the star of your high school wet dreams-- don’t squawk at me, you know it’s true. Anyways, you hook up with wizard boy and it was just _nice_? Not going to clash wands again?”_ _

__Chris wished part of him had never allowed her to make puns when it came to the musicals. But it was the only way she would agree to sitting through hours of amatuer theatre via YouTube. At least she had enjoyed them in the end, and he had someone aside from Hannah who would sing along with the songs. He was just glad that she didn’t know about the name on his chest, otherwise this would go a lot differently. “No, we had fun, might catch his next show, but we’ll see what happens then, we didn’t make any formal plans.”_ _

__Nadia punched him in the arm. “You idiot! You let **that man** go? I mean, I left you two chatting up a storm at the bar, you spent the night, so the sex must have been halfway decent, and you have NO plans to hook up again? What. Is. Wrong. With. You?”_ _

__“I’m looking for **the** one, he’s looking for the next one, seems foolish to continue on where one of us would get hurt. We had fun, let’s leave it at that, okay?” Chris asked, wishing he could gush about finally finding his other half, but he respected Darren too much, even if he trusted Nadia. It wasn’t really his secret to tell, not if he wanted this to work. And oh, how desperately did he want this to work. True, it looked like it would be a rocky road going forward, but in the end it would be worth it. It had to be. “Now how about you catch me up on your night and then we spend the day lazing before tomorrow gets devoted to homework?” _ _

__Nadia could sense that there was something Chris wasn’t telling her, his entire body language betrayed him. But when you looked into his eyes, they were both conflicted and resolute, so she knew not to push it. He would tell her when the time was right. She could be patient until then. “So you know that crap band Plumtree? You would not believe who the tool lead singer went home with…”_ _

__~~_ _

__Days passed. If not for the inane, silly texts such as _How blue does the cheese have to be before it is no longer edible? ___and _So apparently I am now forbidden from any handling of laundry due to Joey’s new white shirt being Easter egg pink thanks to my red briefs_ Chris wouldn’t be sure that Darren still existed. But the brand remained red on his chest, there was still warmth when his stress levels grew too high over a stupid group assignment. Not that Chris thought Darren would go so far as to cut their bond off or worse, but he knew what insecurities could do to a person. He wondered if he should be the one to reach out, take the first step, but no, this had to go at Darren’s pace so he had to make the first move. Chris just had to be content in waiting, praying that he would not waste his life on it. _ _

_Chris: Off to Dystopian Lit class, where apparently we are starting a whole unit on Ayn Rand. My joys knows no bounds! -_-_

_Darren: Hey, don’t go trashing Atlas Shrugged. If not for it, Bioshock might not exist and I cannot tell you how empty my afternoons would have been without that when it came out._

_Chris: Never played it, heard good things. Not much into video games._

_Darren: Oh man, you would really dig the story if you like the dystopian genre at all. Plus it proves how wrong Atlas Shrugged would go in the real world. Maybe I could play it for you sometime? Or find a vid of the cut scenes that we could watch together._

_Chris: I’m not really the type to watch others play games either. But I may take you up on watching the story if you find a video of just that. Let me know. Oops, prof is glaring at me, best put my phone away so they can exalt the genius of objectivism, talk later._

_Darren: It’s a date._

___Chris balked at that. No matter how his prof glared, there was no way he could pay attention on the merits of _The Fountainhead_ when his soul mate had actually used the word date. Sure, maybe Darren didn’t mean it **that** way, but it was at least a step in the right direction. He struggled to keep his mind on taking notes, but he wished he could spend the next hour clarifying things with Darren. Sometimes it was frustrating as hell to have a soul mate that you had to take baby steps with. Well at least this was giving him inspiration for future adventures in his own work. If he had to work to get his happy ending, maybe Alex and Connor had to do the same. _ _ _

___At the end of class, Chris nearly attacked his seat neighbor when he whipped out his phone, apologizing hastily as he scrambled to load up all his stuff while swiping in his password. New messages._ _ _

_Darren: Oh god, did the date thing freak you out?_  
_Darren: I mean, it doesn’t have to be a date date. Can just be bros hanging out together!_  
_Darren: Not that I don’t want to date you! I do! But I don’t want to mess this up either._  
_Darren: Fuck, I should have just left it, I was smooth before, why the fuck did I do this?_  
_Darren: Sorry for the word vomit. Just please ignore this._

_Chris: Darren?_

_Darren: Yeah?_

_Chris: I like the babbling, nice to know I make you nervous in a good way. Date it is. Just tell me where and when._

_Darren: I am blushing so hard right now. The people in the grocery store probably think I’m crazy. So date...Friday night at mine around 7?_

_Chris: See you then, I can’t wait!_

_Darren: Me either. :D_

_____~~_  
_And some Indian god Sewed the wound up into a hole, Pulled it round to our belly To remind us of the price we pay._  
~~ 

___Chris was pacing. He knew he was pacing, and damn him for falling into that particular cliché. But here he was, about to go on his first date with his soul mate and he had no idea what to fucking wear. It’s not like they were going out out, so there was no need for anything fancy. And Darren **had** already seen him naked, so really, there was no need to impress him either. But he still wanted to look good dammit! Finally he grabbed his tight but not too tight jeans, a comfy Henley in a green colour that brought out both of his eyes and ran some product through his thick hair to give it some sort of coif. Satisfied, he grabbed everything, including the small handful of [candy flowers](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=22883768) (because he was nothing if not a romantic, but he figured Darren would appreciate the cheekiness of it) and went out the door._ _ _

___Darren had offered to pick him up, actually owning a car, but Chris insisted that he liked the bus, plus he wanted to do this right. So what if he looked kind of stupid clutching his candy bouquet? As long as the homeless guy stayed downwind of him and the horny couple stayed on top of each other and not on him, he was okay. Though he did breath a deep sigh of relief when his stop was announced, nearly bowling over the stoner who decided to take his dear sweet time paying for the bus in **dimes** in his haste to just get off the sardine can disguised as public transport. Then it was just a jaunty hop, skip and jump to Darren’s place. One last check to make sure all the sweat in his body was not escaping through his palms, and he rang the bell. _ _ _

___The door slowly opened, Darren poking his head out, his smile beaming like the sun, but his eyes tense. Until he saw the bouquet of candy that Chris nearly shoved into him in his hurry to deliver it. That just caused a burst of wheezing laughter, Darren near doubled over, with Chris not sure if he should scowl over his gesture being laughed at or join in due to the sheer break in tension it had created. Finally Darren seemed to collect himself enough to accept the bouquet, and ushed Chris into the house “Thanks so much, how did you know I loved daisies? It used to be one of my nicknames, which unfortunately stuck around with some of my less mature friends. So if any of them see this, I am so getting flak, but screw ‘em, just means I won’t share.”_ _ _

___Chris was sure he would have to get used to the whirlwind that was his soul mate, but right now? Seeing him suck on a bright pink daisy lollipop, looking good enough to eat in a comfy pair of dark wash jeans and a X-men T-shirt, Chris could totally be okay with this change in the weather. Darren silently offered him a blue lollipop, and Chris smiled as he popped into his mouth. Points for knowing his favourite colour or at least having a lucky guess. Though the snickering when the candy turned his tongue blue was less than welcome. Which was only made worse when Chris childishly stuck his tongue out at Darren._ _ _

___A sudden dinging of the doorbell broke Darren’s laughter and Chris’ scowl. “Pizza’s here. Hope you’re not a vegetarian man, because I got meat lovers.” Darren sang as he made for the door. “Grab whatever you want to drink out of the fridge and a beer for me, set them up in the living room will you? I already laid out plates and napkins when I was setting up the tv.”_ _ _

___Chris grabbed two beers out of the fridge after seeing his other options were questionable milk, the remnants of the pulpy orange juice (seriously, who even liked _pulp_?) and some sugary no-name soda. The low coffee table sat in front of a worn, but comfortable looking couch, and directly across from a large television. The screen was black except for the words **1960 Mid-Atlantic** strewn across them in white. He had done a bit of research about the game after Darren had brought it up, careful to avoid the main story, but knew some basics, and was actually kind of excited to see it play out. _ _ _

___“So do you actually have to read all of Rand’s works for that class? Because I mean she only has four books but two of them are doozies, especially on top of other classes.” Darren asked as he lay the pizza on the table, dishing out two pieces to each plate and sat facing Chris, taking a bite as he awaited an answer._ _ _

___Chris popped the top off the beers, taking a swig of his own and tried not to pull a disgusted face at the taste, remembering why he didn’t drink it very often. “No, as much as it hurts my prof. We went over _Anthem_ this week in class, as it’s really short. But the rest of the unit is _Atlas Shrugged_ , until we get to do an independent study of either _Brave New World_ or _1984_. Three books isn’t bad, but we just had to start with the longest, hardest one. Thank goodness there’s only quizzes and two papers without a final. I think he said he doesn’t believe in standardized testing or something.” he finally was able to bite into the pizza, and damn it was tasty. Chris couldn’t remember the last time had a good pizza. Most of his meals came from the cafeteria style dining hall, since his scholarship covered his board and a meal plan. He did eat out every so often, using the money his parents sent or what he had saved from various after school jobs, but he prefered to spend that on bus rides home or Christmas presents rather than frivolities like actual pizzeria pizza. So he savoured each bite before he even realized he was moaning over it and it had caught Darren’s attention. “Sorry,” he said with a blush. “Dorm living means microwaved food, top ramen and whatever the dining hall likes to call meat. This is luxury for me.” _ _ _

___“Suuuuuuuure,” Darren drawled, but let it go, opening up the laptop he had set up to show the video on the screen. “Shall we?” he asked with a suggestive waggle of eyebrows._ _ _

___“Shut up and play the damn[video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBPeLTeSMaw),” was all the response he got._ _ _

___The first few minutes were a wonder to Chris. He knew the game started with a plane crash, but once you entered the world...it was beautiful. He had never been one to think about what lay beneath the waves, but the possibility of this one was glorious. Until he got into the town and saw the ruin...as well as the inhabitants. Seeing brutal murder not 7 minutes in caused him to jump and burrow into Darren’s side. “I don’t like horror,” he whimpered._ _ _

___Darren wrapped an arm around him, pulling him into a tight embrace. “Neither do I, but trust me, the story is worth it. If you want we can turn it off. I have got all of Harry Potter or all of Avatar: The Last Airbender on DVD. We can watch one of those instead.”_ _ _

___Chris snuggled further into Darren, inhaling the soft scent of laundry detergent, fading end-of-the-day cologne, and just the pure musk of man. “No, if it gets too bad we can turn it off, but I want to try. Might add to my class discussion. Just...hold me?”_ _ _

___Darren didn’t even respond, just pulled Chris practically into his lap, as if to keep him safe from the images paused on the screen.A little confused but ridiculously pleased, Chris hugged Darren and urged him to unpause the video._ _ _

___~~_ _ _

____Two and a half hours later…_ _ _ _

___“Wow,” Chris said, sitting there in wordless wonder over what he had just witnessed._ _ _

___“Yup. Makes you think doesn’t it? Or detox. It’s an amazing story, even with all the blood and jump scares,” Darren replied, still snuggled into Chris. The pizza and beer was long gone, but they had barely moved from their spots, only allowing for them to stretch out along the couch._ _ _

___“I’m glad he saved the girls, I think I would have told you to turn it off if he had hurt them,” Chris said, his legs gone numb from where they were intertwined with Darren’s, but not caring much until the urge to pee came up. “Okay, gotta hit the little boy’s room, be right back” he got up with a little trouble and hissed when the pins and needles sensation really set in upon putting pressure on his feet. On wobbly legs he almost limped over to the bathroom, shooting Darren a smile before he closed the door._ _ _

___Darren smiled and waited for the feeling to come back into his extremities while lounging. This was easy, it was so easy being with Chris. They had chatted about the philosophy of the game, debated the best pizza toppings (Chris had balked when Darren declared pineapple a disgusting option) and just enjoyed being close to one another. But maybe it was too easy? Maybe Chris was only acting this way because he felt like he had to give his soulmate a fighting chance before rejecting him. Maybe he was another pretender like Christine who was only stringing Darren along. Sure the brand had stayed red, but maybe he _was_ broken. Maybe Chris’ brand hadn’t changed, maybe it was only a one sided thing, maybe…_ _ _

___“Hey. I could feel you panicking in there the whole time. Which I can tell you was kind of distracting while I was trying to piss. So I need you to take a few deep breaths in order to stop hyperventilating here. In, out, in and out. Now I won’t ask what was going on in your head, because I can guess. But if you want to talk, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere,” Chris whispered, rubbing a warm hand over Darren’s back in a soothing motion, urging a regular breathing pattern. Darren could feel a warm kiss being pressed to his temple as Chris’ other hand began to gently run through his curls, until he started to relax, almost melting into his embrace. He sent grateful waves to Chris, still unable to really vocalize his sudden panic attack. Another kiss, just at his brow bone, at the corner of his eye._ _ _

___Darren looked up at Chris who wore a gentle smile, stilling his hands, just holding him, waiting patiently. Darren audibly gulped, and braced himself. “I was thinking that this was...too easy. That maybe you were just waiting to drop the hammer down, that you didn’t want me...that me feeling like this is real is all in my head. That…”_ _ _

___Chris silenced him with a kiss. Warm, brief but full of affection. He then pulled away and tugged his shirt upwards so that Darren could see the mark that bore his name. One that was bright red. He reached out to touch it tentatively, a shudder going through Chris, as if he was more sensitive there than anywhere else. Darren quickly pulled his hands away, as Chris lowered his shirt. With a little frustrated grunt he grabbed Darren’s hands. “This is real Dare, for me and for you. I genuinely like you. This name on my chest means a lot to me, yes, but I need **you** to know that you mean a lot to me not because of it, but because you’re you. Please believe me. You are my soulmate, and I wouldn’t change that if I could.” _ _ _

___“You don’t know me Chris, you can’t just...” he protested._ _ _

___“I can. I _will_ know you, and I very much doubt getting to know you better will make me want to run away. Plus I know the important things. I know you are kind, I know you have a delightful brain even when it’s not so good at drowning out your heart sometimes. I know you are talented even when that isn’t being appreciated as it should be. I know you are ridiculously attractive. So trust me when I say I know what I want. And what I want right now is more kisses before I have to go get the last bus back to campus.”_ _ _

___Darren was more than happy to serve, pulling Chris into a kiss, off centered, more teeth and tongue than lips, but glorious all the same. It wasn’t long before they broke apart for air, but also to reorient themselves on the couch, stretched out together on their sides, trading more luxurious kisses, letting hands roam gently over what of their torsos they could reach. Lips strayed over cheeks and jaws. Chris learned that biting the hinge of Darren’s jaw made him moan, but gently sucking or nipping on his earlobes made him _writhe_. Darren figured out that Chris had the world’s most sensitive neck, as even nuzzling it caused his eyes to roll back in his skull. Kissing it, even the tiniest bit of suction inspired Chris to roll him underneath so that Darren could only look up at the hazy look in Chris’ eyes before being nearly attacked with kisses. _ _ _

___Darren was just starting to wind his legs around Chris’ waist when the front door opened. “Yo! Dare Bear! You home man? Or did you go out and leave the door unlocked with all the lights on again?” called a voice. Chris pulled away from their kiss with a pop, both of them looking mildly panicked. They hadn’t really agreed to go public with this relationship, but with Joey less than 10 feet away, they had better come up with a story quick. There was a near pleading look in Darren’s eyes, and Chris knew what he had to do, as they untangled themselves on the couch. There wasn’t much they could do about their mussed clothing or swollen lips, but hopefully Joey wouldn’t question that too much._ _ _

___“Darren! ...and friend. Sorry man, didn’t mean to interrupt, my shift ended early and I want to know if you were into hitting the club tonight. You and…” Joey asked without asking._ _ _

___Darren’s eyes were pure terror and Chris recalled how much Joey had tried to warn Darren about Christine. True, this time he was the real deal, but neither of them were ready to let people know. They were still figuring out them, no need to invite trouble before they...well Darren was sure about making it official. Chris knew what he was about to do was wrong, and maybe when this was all over he would find it was a stupid thing to do, but right now he didn’t care about the consequences, he just cared about Darren. So he held out his hand and replied to Joey. “Paul. Met Darren here at his last gig, we were just hanging, watching some stupid stuff online. I was about to head out though, so you two have fun. Dare walk me to the door, would you?” he nodded his head towards the door once Joey had released his hand._ _ _

___Darren felt like his exhale of relief when Chris lied could have collapsed his lungs. He hated lying to Joey, but he just wanted to keep this thing to himself this time. No judgement, no overprotective parenting coming from his friends. He sent a wave of gratitude to Chris, knowing regardless of what Chris said, Joey would still be listening in. “Thanks,” he whispered once they reached the door. “Sorry to end our night here, I was enjoying myself. Maybe we could do it again sometime?”_ _ _

___Chris side-eyed Joey who seemed to be not-watching them rather aggressively in a rather obvious fashion. “I’d like that. Maybe next time we can get him--” motioning his head at Joey-- “to text if his plans change for the night ?”_ _ _

___Darren nodded and pulled him in for a gentle kiss. “Do you want me to give you a ride home or at least walk you to the bus stop?”_ _ _

___Chris smiled, loving how galant Darren was, even if doing either of those things would make Joey’s questioning all the worse after the kiss. “Nah, I’m a big boy, I can make it on my own. But I’ll text you when I get back if it will ease your mind any. Okay?” With one last kiss, Chris set off, wondering with a smirk on his lips if he should have warned Darren to hide the rest of his ‘bouquet’ or not ._ _ _

___Once back in the dorms, Chris kicked off his shoes and flung himself back on his bed, a smile still playing on his lips. He took out his phone, seeing a text from Nadia telling him that she was out with some dude from her statistics class who was boring her to death but she would 911 if she really needed an out. An email from his mom asking if he would to have dinner with them on Hannah’s next appointment day next week. And a kissy face text from Darren._ _ _

_Chris: home now. :* to you too_

_Darren: So Paul…_

_Chris: long story short, my granny is Catholic. It’s my middle name, because one saint’s name just wasn’t enough._

_Darren: Not like I can say much, mine’s Everett._

_Chris: Yeah I think if you ever meet any of my friends I’ll stick to Dare...or Daisy :P_

_Darren: Yeah yeah, yuk it up, Joey sure did when he noticed the candy. Even tried to steal one. Was tempted to lick them all, but then they’d be wasted. So I just brought the whole thing into my room and shut the door in his face while I ate the one he wanted._

_Chris: Nice. Serves him right for being an interrupting blocker of make outs._

_Darren: Yeah, he felt kind of bad about that once he realized it was a date. Been pestering me since you left but I told him that he gets nothing since I am now left with the company of him instead of you. Now he’s singing loudly and purposefully off-key as he gets ready._

_Chris: Not going with?_

_Darren: Nah, he wants me to wingman for him, and I am not feeling generous towards him atm._

_Chris: Really Darren? Chat speak?_

_Darren: Like you’ve never typed out one single lol or wtf._

_Chris: I plead the fifth._

_Darren: You totally do._

_Chris: Do you want a second date?_

_Darren: Very much. I’ll shut up now._

_Chris: No, I didn’t mean it like that. It was supposed to be sarcasm._

_Darren: Sorry, I know. I should know anyways. But yes to date number two. Your choice._

_Chris: Lunch on Sunday? Meet at the Tar Pits around 12:30? I will figure out a way to make a picnic and everything._

_Darren: Sure thing. But maybe leave the food to me and you bring like a blanket and some drinks? No offense, but I don’t exactly trust your culinary skills._

_Chris: Yeah, I know, me+kitchen=disaster. Hannah has told me many a time that I am useless at food prep. makes me think I should have taken home ec instead of choir in school._

_Darren: Does this mean you might sing for me?_

_Chris: Maybe. One day. My voice is...unique._

_Darren: I can’t wait to hear it. For now though, since Joey is out, I’m gonna clean up our mess and maybe try to tackle the dish pile._

_Chris: You have fun with that. I’m going to get some reading done before bed. Night Dare._

_Darren: Night hun._

___Chris fell asleep that night with the biggest smile on his face. Progress felt nice._ _ _

___~~_ _ _

___Sandwiches seemed to be the easiest thing for a picnic, so Darren went out Saturday to pick up all the necessary items and get groceries for the cavernous wasteland that was his fridge. Sure he had gone earlier the week, but that was to get only the necessities; eggs, toilet paper, and some bananas for Joey. This time he threw in some bread, meat, mayo, plus some pulp free OJ (seriously, that was the last time he let Joey buy groceries, no one but him liked pulp). He also picked up some grapes and cheese, and a few chocolate bars and bags of chips. Yeah, this was going to be a kick ass picnic. He double-checked his haul with his list and made for the checkout, a smile playing on his lips. Sure, maybe this was headed for disaster, but he was determined to try. For Chris. He owed him that much. It was then that he felt his phone buzz._ _ _

_Chris: I can feel your self-doubt rising all the way from the library. You wanna talk about whatever pit you’re digging right now?_

_Darren: Nah, I’m doing alright. But maybe we can talk about why you’re a lame ass who is spending this lovely Saturday in the library._

_Chris: Some of us have to maintain their GPA to keep their scholarships and have to have a reading journal done for their American Lit class done for Monday. And since that same someone has a date tomorrow he has to get his homework done today._

_Darren: Oh. Sorry._

_Chris: Oh it’s fine. Just means that that I get to relax tomorrow night while the rest of my classmates panic trying to get it done last minute._

_Darren: Aren't you doing it last minute technically?_

_Chris: No, I’m doing next week’s as well, freeing me up for regular Sunday picnics._

_Darren: Shouldn’t we see how this one goes first?_

_Chris: Unless there are ants, I am counting on several of them._

_Darren: I could be up for that. At the register, gtg._

_Chris: See you tomorrow!_

____Darren couldn’t help but beam at his phone. Tomorrow. Never had a word held so much meaning for him. Even if it all went down in a flaming mess, complete with ants, he sort of couldn’t wait._ _ _ _

___~~_ _ _

___Joey was woken by the sounds of Darren whistling a jaunty little tune. Looking at the clock he saw it was just after 10 in the morning, a good few hours before they usually deemed it fit to greet the world on a Sunday. He grumbled as he went out to the kitchen to bitch out Darren, wondering what could have inspired him to be up and about with such pep. He supposed it was something to do with the mysterious Paul who he saw kiss Darren on their date Friday night. Joey was still a bit sorry to have broken up their night, as it had been awhile since Darren had brought anyone home for more than a good time. In Joey’s opinion it was far too long to be alone, to be without love or at least affection. But since _her_ Darren had been too cautious, not wanting to be broken again so he kept it simple, kept it loose and easy. Joey knew he was in no hurry for Darren to chase down every Chris in the LA area, but to at least get himself out there for a real relationship would be nice. _ _ _

___Darren was standing at the island, spreading mayo on thick bread, singing under his breath and swaying in a little dance. He was just doing a twirl, preparing to belt out into the butter knife when he noticed Joey. “Yo Joe, sorry man, did I wake you?”_ _ _

___Joey shrugged “Eh, sort of, but no worries. Whatcha doin’?” he asked with a suggestive drawl, eyeing the layout of sandwiches on the island._ _ _

___“Preparing to conquer Spain. What does it look like I’m doing idiot?” Darren answered, his voice full of sarcastic venom._ _ _

___Okay, obviously Darren was not in the mood to be trifled with this morning. Which meant he was probably nervous about something, as he usually got snippy right before big auditions, tests and important dates. Joey could guess that the latter option was the one inspiring this mood. “It looks like you’re making a picnic for you and Pauuuuuuuul.” A scathing look came from Darren, until Joey waved his hands in defense. “Which is great, as he seems to not be a psycho. So you two crazy kids have fun and if you want to bring him back here afterwards to get things a bit more Biblical, just text and I will skedaddle until morning. Or until you give me the all clear, whichever comes first.”_ _ _

___Darren looked at Joey, part of him wishing he was brave enough to tell his friend the truth. But it felt like he would jinx everything if he confessed, that all his doubts and fears concerning Chris would come to pass. So he just smiled, and gave a slight nod. “We’re taking it slow, but might make use of a empty house for make outs if I get lucky. I’ve gotta finish this and then get ready. Thanks man.” Joey gave his back a hearty slap and then lumbered back to bed, his good deed for the day done._ _ _

___Once the food was prepared and packed, himself showered and shaved, he put his guitar in the car and took off to meet Chris. Who still refused to get a ride from him, but Darren was determined to drive him back to his dorm today or at least get some answers as to why he couldn’t. Once he parked he saw Chris waiting at the Tar Pits entrance, a colourful plaid blanket slung over his arm, a backpack slung over the other, looking around hopefully. Darren shouted out and waved, feeling overjoyed at the delighted smile that broke on Chris’ face at seeing him._ _ _

___They smiled and discussed their day apart, finding a nice spot under a tree to set up their lunch, Chris spreading the blanket and extracting a few bottles of water from his backpack. Inane chatter was interrupted with chewing, tossing the grapes to see who could catch them in their mouths best (Darren totally won), and arguing over the sole Snickers bar that Darren got, which they ended up splitting. Darren asked if they could Lady and the Tramp it and Chris just shot him a look before he sheepishly split it in half with his hands. “Ask again when you make me spaghetti,” Chris said coyly , a light pink dusting his cheeks. Darren gave his best mock salute and missed another grape toss before they both burst out laughing._ _ _

___Before long all the food was gone, and Chris stretched himself out along the blanket, enjoying the sun while Darren strummed his guitar with random melodies to give their lazy afternoon a musical interlude. They watched the people walking around; the befuddled tourists, the locals walking their dogs, the families getting dragged by over-enthusiastic kids and the couples walking hand in hand, basking in their own personal bubble of intimacy. Chris just smiled, enjoying his own private concert and his generous company who was currently staring at him in wonder._ _ _

___“What?” he questioned._ _ _

___“Nothing...just, I can’t believe you’re here with me. That you’re real and so wonderful,” Darren replied._ _ _

___Chris gave a gentle smile. “You’re pretty wonderful yourself, mister. So I feel lucky that you turned out to be mine.”_ _ _

___A cloud instantly came over Darren’s face. “Is that why you’re here? Because you’re supposed to be? Because I’m yours?”_ _ _

___Chris felt the panic wash over him, but was unsure if it was his own or Darren’s. “No! Of course not! Darren, I know that woman made you feel like you aren’t worth it, but you are. I like you. I liked you before I even knew you were meant to be mine. Now I’m getting to know you and I honestly care for the person you are. Just like I would if we weren’t meant to be together.”_ _ _

___“But you don’t know me Chris. We’ve only hung out three times, you don’t know the real me, you can’t say that I am worth it. You can’t say those things. One day you will ashamed to be seen with me, disappointed that you wasted your time with me. You might be even doing that now.” Darren argued._ _ _

___Chris was gobsmacked at that. “What has even given you that impression?”_ _ _

___The response was a mere whisper, but it came out almost as a hiss, “You won’t let me pick you up, you won’t let me drive you home. I’m not a bad driver or anything, I just know it’s because you don’t want to be seen with me.”_ _ _

___At this, Chris was downright livid. “No. That is not it at all. The reason I don’t let you transport me places is because my best friend was there the night we met. She knows I hooked up with you. But I **lied** to her, telling her it was a one time thing to respect **your** privacy and **our** relationship. So since she pretty much lives in my room she would notice that you are not Everett, the nice guy from the coffee shop that I am now seeing. Never think that I am ashamed to be with you. I am lying to my best friend, to the world when I want to scream it from the mountaintops that you’re mine. But I won’t. Because you aren’t ready for that yet. So maybe you need to take a step back and figure out if you even **want** to try this or continue to self-sabotage it until you drive us apart.” With that, Chris collected his backpack and stormed off towards the entrance, and left Darren staring at his back. _ _ _

___What the fuck did I just do?_ was all both men could think._ _


	3. Chapter 3

Chris knew he had been irrational. And that blowing up at his soulmate with self-worth issues was potentially the stupidest thing he had _ever_ done. But dammit, life had been shitty to him for the past twenty-one years, when did he get his happily ever after? He was supposed to meet his soulmate, it was supposed to be a beautiful, romantic epic thing and what he got was nothing like his fantasy. Why didn’t he deserve the fantasy? Why did he have to get stuck with the defective match? The match that had been broken because someone else couldn’t have treasured Darren for the wonderful man he was? It was just so damn frustrating! 

Maybe he was being unfair, making Darren live up to his romantic expectations. They had agreed to take it slow, and here was Chris, already declaring that was not what he really wanted, but had agreed to. What kind of match could it be if one of them was constantly bending over backwards to accommodate the other and was essentially unhappy? Maybe Darren wasn’t ready for a soulmate, maybe Chris wasn’t ready to have a soulmate, or at least one who so obviously needed to work on themselves before they could commit to him. Maybe it was best that they figured this out early, before they damaged this relationship beyond repair. 

His phone buzzed in his pocket, but he refused to look at it. Not right now when he knew he would continue to say things he would end up regretting. Maybe even saying something he couldn’t take back...if it wasn’t already too late for that. He could already feel Darren’s despair, his regret, as Chris was sure Darren could feel his, as well as his resignation over this being the best thing for them. He turned his phone off without even looking at the message, and locked his door in case Nadia got the bright idea of trying to break in later. He shut out the world, hoping that would make his utter disappointment in himself go away. For the first time since he had come to LA, Chris cried himself into a fitful sleep. 

~~  
_Darren: Chris?_  
_Darren: Chris please come back._  
_Darren: God I fucked it up, I fucked it up so bad._  
_Darren: I mean, of course I want to be with you. It’s just I constantly have HER voice in my head telling me that no will want ME._  
_Darren: And I have to wonder if you’re sticking it out because of the mark. Which I know you’re not, but god it’s so hard to remember sometimes._  
_Darren: Tell me what I can do to fix this. Please. I will do anything._  
_Darren: I can’t lose you, I just found you._

New Voicemail: Okay, so it seems you have turned off your phone. Which I can’t blame you for. I have your blanket by the way. I can drop it off, I don’t care who sees me Chris, because all I want to do is see you. Grovel a bit for your forgiveness. I want to try, I want this...no fuck it, I want US to work. So please call me back when you eventually feel like listening to my voice again. Just...please. 

_Chris: Darren. I just need some time right now. Please give me that._  
_Chris: And maybe talk to someone, a professional about what you’re going through. I think it might help._  
_Chris: I’ll talk to you soon, but just...not right now._

 _Darren: I’m sorry._  
~~  
~~  
_And then storm clouds gathered above, Into great balls of fire_  
~~

Weeks passed in silence. When Nadia asked what had happened with ‘Everett’ Chris just shrugged, like it was nothing serious, but she could see that there was more to it than that. Yet she never pushed, just wishing she could get rid of the haunted look Chris was always wearing. Like he had lost something precious and was still coming to grips with it, like he was in mourning. He even refused offers to sit through the AVPM videos with her, almost looking pained when she mentioned the acronym. She tried swiping his phone, but found it locked and the password changed, making it impossible for her to investigate what in the world this guy could have done or said to reduce Chris to this giant moping lump.

Sure he still went to class, but it seemed like he was sleepwalking through life, doing his absolute minimum, putting in almost zero effort to not drift off into sadness. It was obvious that he was disproportionately sad about a single date, as if he was not only feeling his own disappointment, but the heartbreak of another. Finally Nadia put together the pieces, figuring that Chris’ soulmate must be going through his own ennui at the same time, making it all the worse for the both of them. And she didn’t have a damn clue who his soulmate was, not even a name to track down. She just hoped that whoever this Everett guy was, he now knew and regretted what he had passed up by letting Chris go.

Joey was at his wit’s end. Darren had been inconsolable for weeks now. When he asked what had gone down with his date with Paul, Darren nearly burst out into tears. God, he had never been like this, not even when the bitch monster damn near destroyed him. Darren shut out the world, not looking for auditions or gigs, not bathing and barely eating. When it came time to pay rent, Joey didn’t even bother trying to get him to get dressed and to the bank. It had been nearly a month of the same thing, day after day of Joey trying in vain to reach out, and Darren becoming more and more unresponsive. Finally enough was enough, and Joey declared an intervention. He dragged Darren out to the couch, plopped a bowl of cereal in front of him and demanded he eat, then get his ass in the shower, shave the rug off his face and then get back to the couch in clean clothes (if he had any) because they need to talk now . 

Darren lagged in all these things and what would normally be a twenty minute task took over an hour to accomplish as a result. Finally he sat himself down in front of Joey, not looking any better than he had beforehand. His eyes were both red from crying, dark circles underneath both showing how little he had actually been sleeping. Joey felt pity, he really did, but he wanted Darren back, or at least some semblance of his former self. So he decided to only pull the big guns out as a last resort. 

“Hey dude. Look, I have no idea what happened between you and this Paul guy, and I doubt you’re going to tell me. But you’ve let it wreck you for too long. It is time to re-enter the human race once more. So you need to go out and something to do with yourself, find a way to move on. Because I am seriously worried here buddy. I do not want to have to explain to your soulmate why your name is gone grey and struck out on their chest. I know you would never purposefully hurt yourself Darren, but right now? You are killing yourself by inches, and it kills me to see it happen. So please,” Joey begged, hoping he was somehow getting through to his friend. 

“He asked me if I really wanted to even try. He felt I was trying to make the relationship fail with my constant self-doubt. Told me to go get counseling,” Darren replied, his voice almost hoarse from being unused for the past few weeks. 

Joey sat down on the couch, facing his friend, rubbing his back. “Okay, first off counseling is not the worst idea in the world for you. You’ve been through hell man, and maybe having a professional to talk to would be helpful. But maybe think about if you really did want to be with this guy. Or were you so sure you would fail that you made it happen, and as a result, did something to ensure it failed. Even if you were crazy about him, just to prove your doubt right. Maybe you getting broken up over something so new is a sign of something deeper going on. I’m here for you either way, but you have got to get yourself out of this funk, okay?” 

Darren just looked so crestfallen, and part of Joey just wanted to find Paul and shake the everloving fuck out of him for making his friend look like that. “Now, let’s get your laundry done, maybe air out your room so it smells less like ass. Then we’ll see if we can get you a gig for the night, get all the angst out through music. I’ll even come sing with you as long as we do Granger Danger, okay?” 

Darren just let out a weak, watery chuckle as he nodded, plodding off to his room to open the window. Even though he was still wallowing in a sorrow of his own making, he was eternally thankful that his friends were there for him. He located his phone, seeing it had gone dead, not remembering when it died or he had checked it last and decided not to obsess over whether or not Chris had contacted him. Right now he needed to work on him. So go out tonight and tomorrow find a therapist. Because it wasn't fair to anyone to have him stay broken.  
~~

 **Monday**  
_Chris: I feel I owe you an apology._  
_Chris: I think I put my expectations of romance before I put you. That must have just heaped the pressure on top of everything else you were dealing with._  
_Chris: So I am sorry for that. And for getting mad at you like I did._  
_Chris: And especially for walking away. That was childish of me. I should have stayed so we could talk about this like adults._

 **Tuesday**  
_Chris: I don’t blame you for ignoring me, you probably have your phone off, and have made yourself into a blanket burrito._  
_Chris: You seem like the blanket-ritto kind of guy._  
_Chris: So yeah, when you’re ready, I’m here._

 **Wednesday**  
_Chris: No rush, only contact me when you feel ready._

 **Thursday**  
_Chris: Though I am so tired of feeling sad and would love to see you to make sure you’re okay, because I can feel you’re not and it sucks that I made you feel like this._

 **Friday**  
_Chris: Can you please text me as soon as you get this so I know you’re at least ok?_

_Darren: I’m okay._

_Chris: Oh thank god._

_Darren: But I’m not ready yet Chris._

_Chris: And I can respect that. Take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere. Just...please make sure you’re taking care of yourself._

_Darren: I am, after Joey kicked my butt. I am seeing a therapist though._

_Chris: Well thank him for me, I was worried that you might neglect yourself because of me, which made me feel even more terrible. Good for you though, I really think talking to someone will help._

_Darren: We’ll see, only just had first appointment, not sure how well I gel with this doctor. but it was intake, so he’ll recommend me to whoever he thinks would be best._

_Chris: Well keep me updated, and if you need me for anything, I’m here._

_Darren: I know that, and thanks._

_Chris: Anytime sweetie. Just know that I will be checking with Joey to make sure you are properly rested, fed and hydrated from here on out._

_Darren: :P_  
~~

Darren was sure he wasn’t supposed to have his feet up on the seat of the plush armchair in Dr. Peyton’s office, but she had yet to reprimand him about it. He was just the type of guy who sat cross-legged in chairs when he could. And she had told him to get as comfortable as he could get in this very uncomfortable situation. That was what had won him over, that she got it was a sucky situation that he didn’t want to be in. She didn’t pretend to get him. She just offered to listen, judgement free and try to help him out by giving sound advice as opposed to psycho-babble or bullshit. She also insisted her name was Amelia, not Doctor or ma’am because “Christ Darren, I’m barely a decade older than you, not a grandmother. But if you call me Amelia Bedelia I **will** end you.”

Right now he was finishing his anecdotes about grade school ; the teasing as a child, but mostly his worries about his mark and not being able to get any feedback from his own emotional traumas. “I mean I did research it eventually, that he couldn’t get mine until he turned 18. I just wish I had thought to do it earlier instead of spending so much time thinking there was something...defective about me. I don’t know how people with a bigger age gap deal with it you know? I was going crazy never knowing how old he was, how long I would have to wait. It’s a sucky situation for the older party, you know? So skewed against them, like, older doesn't mean wiser or more mature or ready to deal with all of this before the other half.”

Amelia looked like she wanted to interject, so he waved a hand at her to go on. Sometimes he spent the entire hour just talking, meaning they spent all the next meeting going over what she had to say in response. He was getting better at picking up her clues that he might want to take a break, maybe help himself to the bottle of water she always provided for him. “Look, these meetings are for you, but if I can give you some insight? My soulmate and I grew up as best friends, we were lucky in that way. But his older sister? Her match was 20 years her senior. He spent most of his life being able to feel her every distress but getting no comfort back until he had reached middle age, worried that he didn’t get his soul mark or emotions for two years after most usually do while she was born with his name branded on her skin. So he struggled every day, wondering if she even existed or if he was defective as you called it. And she got to live her whole life knowing her soulmate was decades older than her, making her always worry that he would never find her mature enough. They met when she was his nurse during dialysis. He said meeting her was worth a lifetime of waiting, all the doubts and pain, she said she was thrilled that all her worrying was for nothing. And though the life they had together was short it was so very very happy. Do you think it’s worth it for you?”

“Damn, ask the hard questions why don’t you?” Darren grumbled. “I mean, I think so. Once Chris turned 18 he made sure to be there for me constantly, as if to make up for those years when he couldn’t. And he told me that he appreciated every second of care I could give him, that if I hadn’t he… he might not have made it to meeting me . So yeah, in the end the suffering was worth it. Huh, I guess I never saw it that way. But that’s still him liking me for being his soul mate, not for me.” 

“Yeah, but he also told you that he’s a fan of your musicals before he knew what role you would play in his life. He told you they made him happy, gave him inspiration right? That is him caring about you, appreciating **your** talent. Not his soul mate’s talent. Even if I think it is dangerous to separate them, because you are in competition with yourself that way Darren. Stop comparing who you are with who you think Chris wants you to be. Or berating yourself when you think they don’t measure up. Yes, Chris has some idea of what he was expecting, but he will have to adjust those expectations, just as you will have to adjust your ideas of who you really are and your worth. You’re both works in progress, and can find a way to become a wonderful pairing together. I think you both just have to see a new version of yourselves and of each other for that to happen. Now next week we have to talk about the hard stuff. I know you outlined it in our first meeting, but we can’t really avoid it much longer. So time to rip the band-aid off. In the meantime, I want you to keep doing those affirmation exercises every night. And this week, I want you to come up with a list of 10 things that Chris likes about you. Darren Criss, his soulmate. Not one or the other. Okay? Now get gone, I have actual patients now who are much less fun to deal with than you.” Amelia shooed him out of the office with a smile. 

That night Darren looked in his mirror, trying to see himself. He was looking better now that he was not living in his own filth. Getting actual food, exercise everyday even if it was just a walk to the corner store and back. Plus he had found a regular slot at the Shadow Grove downtown playing his music during the dinner rush. Just classic oldies and jazz standards, but it paid well, and it was a bit more upscale with connections to the music biz which he had yet to make, but he did get appreciative smiles and compliments more often now than at the clubs around. Things were looking up for him, he just had to spend some time everyday remembering that he was deserving of it. 

So here he was, looking in the mirror every night repeating to himself “I am not worthless, I deserve love. I am wanted, I have a right to happiness.” And as hokey as it seemed when Amelia had suggested it, he found it was actually working. He may not believe it yet, but he was starting to convince himself, loving himself again by inches. Now if he could get his brain to cooperate enough to make that damn list. Ten things didn’t seem too daunting, but he knew that his demons would rear their ugly heads once he started. So he shook himself out, determined to find two things every night, get it done early. Hell, be optimistic and see if he could impress Amelia by getting 14, be cocky, be egotistical. Be confident that he was worthy of Chris, that he could win him back and deserve that second chance. 

“You can’t just do this for Chris you know?” Amelia had said at their first meeting weeks ago. “You should improve yourself, seek help for yourself too. Yes, it is important and sweet that you are doing this for him, but he cares about who you are now. He wants you to do this so **you** can be happy with you, not so that he can be.” 

Darren did know that, but it was easier to use Chris as motivation some days. To forever quiet his demons that always sounded like _her_ was the ultimate goal yes, but if getting Chris just happened to be the gold medal at the end as well as his own happiness, well that was a bit less difficult to visualize. So list, right. Two things. He could do this. Even if the blank paper was the most intimidating thing he had faced since his audition for the Eastwick producers. He chewed on the end of the pen, trying to come up with one thing, wondering if numbering it would make it more or less daunting. He could do this...he could do this. Alright. One thing. Just one.

_1\. Chris likes my song writing, which is funny because so many of my songs were inspired by him or to help him or to impress him._

Okay, that wasn’t so hard. Now one other thing, give himself that goal, he could set the bar as high or low as he wanted to, so one more thing would be fine. 

_2\. Chris likes how I look, even confessed that I was his high school crush, even if he does mourn the death of the fro._

There. Two things. Now tomorrow he could work on things three and four. It was good to have a goal, to have something to accomplish. And maybe one day he and Chris could laugh over this list, let Chris prove how true all of them are, how they could add to it, change it together. Maybe make a list of things that Darren liked about Chris that didn’t not-so-jokingly consist of one word: Everything. 

_3\. Chris likes my mind, that we can have deep, philosophical conversations and that I can sometimes trump him in geeky knowledge_

_4\. Chris likes that we have similar tastes in movies and books, so we can have a good time watching the same thing or introducing one another to new things we know the other will enjoy._

“And yeah, that is the lovely, horrifying tale of me and Christine,” Darren summed up, the story never getting any easier to tell, bringing up all the memories and emotions each time. 

“Yikes. No wonder you are reluctant to believe in your own awesomeness. Okay, so you know with the hard story comes the hard questions right?” Amelia asked and he nodded, gulping down some water and desperately wishing it was something a bit harder to get through this. “So I am guessing her eyes were close enough to your own not to question it. It’s not a perfect method of finding your match anyways, so anyone looking for one would overlook more miniscule differences. But when her mark didn’t turn red after a while, didn’t you question it?”

Darren hung his head a little, almost ashamed. “I have never been one to do research about soulmate stuff. And it’s not like any of my friends had met their match for me to know the mark is supposed to turn red after you interact, I always thought that it was something that happened when you bonded. And she covered her mark once hers did change, the girl should have a minor in makeup artistry for how good she was. It wasn’t until I walked in on them did I notice it was red. It’s just like when you get the name, people don’t advertise the changes that are suppose to happen. There needs to be a Soulmates for Dummies book or something, because there’s too many books on each thing but no one book that covers everything. It should be handed out in school and drilled into everyone’s head.”

_5\. Chris likes my sense of humour, he loves that I can make him laugh since he’s had so little chances to do so in his life._

_6\. Chris likes that I babble when I’m nervous, that he makes me nervous enough to do so._

Amelia smiled. “I would love to see that, even if it would probably cut the number of patients I see by at least a half. So really tough question for you. Why do **you** think Christine changed, why do you think she did what she did?” 

Darren was astounded. Had he never really considered that before diving into the whirlpool of defeat and self-deprecation? He looked contemplative while he pondered the question. “I think if I had met my soulmate and they didn’t want to be with me or couldn’t be with me, I would lash out too. And maybe she did feel bad that she had wasted both of our time, and figured I would end things so she could be the good guy. Even if that is twisted beyond belief, I really think she had to know just how gone I was for her. But by the end, I think she really believed the persona she had created to get me to end things, that what she had done to ‘help’ me was for the best. Maybe she just never cared for me, and got some sort of sick pleasure out of destroying me. I really don’t know. But I don’t think I can ever forgive her for what she put me through.” 

Amelia nodded along, looking glad that he was actually thinking this way, putting some blame on Christine and not on himself for once. “Well then I guess the big question is do you forgive yourself? For allowing yourself to believe her, for allowing yourself to go along with how she treated you for so long out of whatever misguided loyalty and love you may have felt? Because I have no doubt you did care for her, but you allowed it to blind you to her more abusive tendencies. You seem much more mad at yourself than at her. You know what she said and believed is not true, but it’s ingrained in your mind, and you get mad at yourself for believing it, not at her for spouting those lies in the first place. So you have to remember that those things are Christine’s mistruths, not the truths of Darren,or of Chris, and forgive yourself when you think that they are.”

_7\. Chris likes that I am honest about how I’m feeling. He respects that I need time to work on me. He’s proud of me for getting help._

_8\. Chris likes that I support him, offering to be there when he comes out even if it means rushing for me, because I care about him._

Darren wiped the tears away from his eyes, graciously taking the tissue that Amelia held out. “I know, I just don’t know how. Am I supposed to snap a rubber band against my wrist every time I think that way or something?” 

Amelia smiled kindly, shaking her head. “No, that shit hurts. I just want you to try and stop, remind yourself that she wasn’t right about you. I’m not saying it will be easy Darren. You may spend weeks, years or even your whole life battling against her poison, but as your life goes on her voice will dim. It will get easier for you to win against her each time until it barely ever happens. With love from yourself and from others, you have the arsenal to fight this.”

_9\. Chris likes when I serenade him, he loves any small romantic thing I do for him, it makes him feel special, and he seems to like my voice._

_10\. Chris likes me. He always seems to relax in my presence, like he is truly comfortable with me. Like he can be himself, and I think I’m more me when I’m with him._

Darren sniffled, then blew his nose loudly. “I can try. I finished my list though. I was going to try and make it longer, but I got caught up in writing a new song, and well, the list stands at ten. Do you want to read it?” 

“No sweetie, that list is for you. I just wanted you to prove to yourself that you could. That you had qualities that you can openly acknowledge, that Chris appreciates and that you obviously don’t have any doubts about. But I am happy to hear that you are writing new songs. I can’t wait to see what your brain comes up with next. Now next week we don’t have an appointment due to Thanksgiving, so I’ll see you in two weeks. But Darren? If you feel like you can’t wait, that you need to talk to me, give me a call, and I will squeeze you in somehow okay?” Amelia gripped his shoulder, squeezing tightly for a second. Darren offered her a small smile. . “Now, go on, have fun next week. You’re going home to see your folks right? Make sure you hug your mama extra tight and to overeat all the desserts.” Darren rolled his eyes good-naturedly and went out of the office. It wasn’t the first time he had to tell the story of Christine, and maybe it wouldn’t be the last. But he felt lighter, like the burden of having experienced it couldn’t weigh him down anymore.

 _Darren: Are you heading home for Thanksgiving?_

_Chris: Yeah, catching the bus to Fresno Wednesday night and the parental units are picking me up from there to get to Clovis (oh joy and bliss) and back Sunday afternoon. You going back to San Fran?_

_Darren: Yup, not going to pass up Mom’s Filipino interpretation of Thanksgiving dinner mixed with Dad’s traditional dishes._

_Chris: I have never tried Filipino food but it sounds better than my aunt’s always dry turkey or my mom’s insistence that the only way to eat potatoes is in salad or fry form. (I think I know which parent I gained my culinary skills from)_

_Darren: I would say I’ll see what I can save, but Chuck is actually coming home from NYC this year (and bringing his gf Lucy too) so between the two of us there usually isn’t much left_

_Chris: Is this your covert way of saying you might be ready to see me after the holiday?_

_Darren: I’ll see how I feel then, but right now signs are pointing to yes. Are you ready to see me?_

_Chris: Honey, I am trying to be patient over here, but I have been missing you for weeks. I miss your hugs, and your voice and just...you._

_Darren: I miss you too. So much. But I think this time apart has been good for us...for me._

_Chris: I know. And I am so proud of you, but it doesn’t help when all I want to do is burrow into you and tell you all about this terrible Dystopian Lit assignment and how I would so much rather be watching Bioshock with you then discussing John Galt with him._

_Darren: Well you’re definitely right, my couch is way more comfy and comes with cuddles. Let’s say unless you hear from me otherwise we take advantage of the Monday after Thanksgiving when we’re both back?_

_Chris: mmm cuddles, I am counting down the days until then!_

_Darren: You know what? Me too. Just over a week babe._

_Chris: I can’t wait :)_  
~~

Darren loved being home, loved spending time with his family and being in San Francisco again. He got a kick over teasing Chuck who had gone all moony eyed over Lucy, to the point that they were planning on marrying in the next year or two, and starting a family eventually. Marriage was not a default thing for bonded couples, but funnily enough all the Criss family members happened to have adhered to the practice. Cerina was over the moon about gaining a daughter after years ‘surrounded by boys’ as she so nicely put it. Darren adored Lucy. She seemed to be perfect for Chuck, supporting the Freelance Whales, even helping them find connections in New York to record another album. Chuck hinted she would do the same for Darren once he decided he was done slumming in LA just so he was “close enough to home cooking but far enough not to have mom looking over his shoulder at every move.” 

Cerina gave him a playful smack upside the head at that, winking at Lucy as she went past. Darren just shook his head and went into the kitchen to help his mother instead of being stuck with the lovebirds. He was happy for Chuck, no question, but part of him ached to have that himself, to have Chris here by his side to show him off. To go through the embarrasing baby photo routine, to have his mom ready to adopt Chris by the end of the day as she had Lucy. He silently started peeling vegetables for his father’s mashed potatoes and glazed carrots as his mother began boiling water for rice and mixing spices for chicken adobo. 

“ _Sinta_ , how are you doing? Any news? Anyone new in your life? I can’t help noticing your nose in your phone a lot lately,” she remarked, a sly tone that let Darren know she was fishing and he wouldn’t get away with shrugging her off. 

Darren sighed, knowing this was coming. Of course his parents knew the bare bones version of Christine-- thought she was his soul mate, turns out she wasn’t, it ended badly-- and had been eagerly awaiting him to get back out there. At least they had never met the girl, making Darren grateful for that, even though he knew his mom would have been able to see through her lies in a minute. “Not much Mama, working a lot, getting my name out there. And making sure Joey doesn’t burn down the house, he’s having a few of our UMich buddies over for Thanksgiving since they couldn’t get time off to go home. I would like to have a place to go back to on Sunday.”

Cerina looked at him, a pointed glare that made him aware that she was not buying what he was selling. “Out with it. Who is the person who has you so tied up in knots? I know that look Darren, I want something. Come on, you know I know you better than that.”

“You know you can never get anything past your mother. It’s best not to even try,” said Bill, entering the kitchen, opening the oven to give the turkey another baste. “Learned that the hard way when I tried to set up this big elaborate proposal. She figured it all out, told me not to bother, and she would have married me ages ago if I had just gotten around to asking. She then let me go through with it just to humour me, but we were technically engaged for almost a week by that point,” he finished, leaving a kiss on his wife’s cheek with a smile. They both turned an expectant glance to Darren and he knew he was defeated when his parents teamed up on him.

“So there _is_ someone, but it is still insanely new. We’ve just been texting, and we are taking things very very slow. Glacial even. So it will probably be nothing. But I like them, and we are hanging out on Monday so I can feed them Ma’s cooking and just catch up. So yeah,” Darren replied, scuffing one foot on the floor, almost shy in answering, feeling the blood rush to his cheeks and betray just how much he wanted this to work. Thankfully his parents seemed content enough with that answer. 

“Name?” Cerina asked, shooing Bill away as he tried to dip a finger in the gravy she was graciously making. 

Darren froze. He had never been able to lie to his mother, not really. But he knew if he said Chris, a name they knew, a name they had celebrated when he turned 18, making guesses as to it being a boy or girl, they would not let it go. So he gulped, kept his head down and tried to not slice a finger off with the potato peeler as he said “Paul. His name is Paul.” 

“Does Paul have a last name?” Cerina teased, to which Bill shushed her, urging her to let it be. Darren smiled graciously at his dad and went back to the veggies. Yeah, it sucked lying, but he wanted to keep Chris as his own for just a little while longer. This small, fragile, precious thing was his. Just for now.

~~

Chris waved at his family from his seat on the bus, watching them shrink and then fade into the distance and finally let out a sigh of relief, one he felt he had been holding in all weekend. He loved his family, he really did, but at times they were very exhausting. The constant berating from aunts who told him his degree would get him nowhere. The great uncles who complained about him going to a school sure to be full of coloureds and fags. His parents’ hopeful faces when they asked if he had met anyone nice and their dashed hopes when he said no. If not for Hannah, he would have cut out on Friday to avoid the constant noise and crowd of people inhabiting his small childhood home. 

_“Hey Bubba, how’s your story coming?” she asked, head on her cupped hands as she lounged on his bed while he typed._

_Chris grunted. “As well as can be expected. It’s my last year so school work has to be a priority. But my Advanced Fiction Writing prof said she had some connections for me if I was close to done by graduation. And my academic advisor told me about a cool new indie publishing place that might be looking for submissions after Christmas. So I’m determined to finish it before I graduate. How’s school going?”_

_Hannah pulled a face, which was answer enough for him. She went quiet for a moment, the only sound in the room the clacking of keys, and the muffled noises from all the relatives below. Chris would never know why it was his home that was Colfer Thanksgiving Central, but every year all the family members congregated here to overeat and then nap. “Have you found him yet?” she finally asked._

_“Who?” Chris asked, distracted by a sentence that just would not come out right._

_“Him him. The guy who owns your heart. The name on your chest. Mom’s convinced it’s a platonic thing and you’ll meet some girl with a platonic bond herself and give her grandbabies. But you keep checking your phone and smiling, and it isn’t a girl who’s texting you, I can tell,” Hannah replied, prodding him to confide in her._

_Chris finally turned around, knowing he had to look terrified. Of all his relatives, Hannah was the one he was the least scared to come out to, but she was also scarily perceptive. “How long have you known I’m…”_

_“What? Gayer than a May pole? For years now. I don’t care Chris, love is love. I won’t tell mom and dad either. Not my place. I just want to know who he is. And if he is the same guy who’s got you all smiley when he texts you,” Hannah replied, waving him to dish._

_Chris slumped, defeated. He could only hide so long it seemed. Pretty soon he would have to tell his parents. But he had a reprieve now, and a confidante. “The guy who is texting me is Everett, we’re sort of a thing, but there’s not much to tell yet. We’re seeing how things go, but we have a date Monday. The guy who owns my heart as you call it...well that’s mine to keep for now. I’ll tell you one day Han, just not right now. But thank you for this.” He moved over and scooped her into a hug, grateful to have one family member on his side._

_“I expect a call Tuesday morning to tell me all about this date, I hope you know,” she replied, burying her head in his shoulder. “And if this guy hurts you, let me know and I’ll come kick his ass for you. Kay?”_

_“Kay. Love you Han,” Chris replied, giving her hair a kiss and sniffling as the tears came to his eyes._

_“Gross Bubba,” was her response, causing them both to explode in laughter._

Chris decided that he might just see about staying in LA for Christmas. The dorms closed, so he had always gone home before, and yes he loved spending the holidays with his family, but this holiday was the hardest yet. It seemed like he was constantly accosted by relatives with their expectations, with their questions, with their opinions about everything. It was worse because this year he was alone and longing for a very real someone by his side instead of the fictional soulmate they always harped about him not finding yet. He wanted one holiday of peace, just his parents and Hannah. Maybe he could convince them to come out to him, they could get a hotel room together, go down to Disney, just anything to avoid Clovis at Christmastime. 

Maybe if things improved, he could spend time with Darren, that is if he wasn’t heading home again. He knew it would be too early to involve their families, but just to have each other for the holidays would be enough for Chris. He knew he was getting ahead of himself though. Date tomorrow first, holidays together at another time. Speaking of which, he should see if their time together was still a go. He wouldn’t blame Darren for cold feet, but he was so hoping for a positive answer.

 _Chris: So what time tomorrow should I come over? Please note “not at all” is a valid answer._

_Darren: Work called and wants me to take the 5-10 shift, so could we do lunch instead of dinner? I’d have to bail at like 4, but that gives us some solid time together._

_Chris: I can do lunch, my only class that day is a 9-11 one anyway, the 3-5 prof told us he wasn’t coming in so not to bother coming in ourselves._

_Darren: Nice. Even if it would have been nicer for your morning class to also extend that offer. Alright so come over once your class is done?_

_Chris: See you then!_

_Darren: See you then. Make sure you’re hungry, Ma packed me extra food when I told her you wanted to try some._

_Chris: You told your parents about me?!?!_

_Darren: I told them my friend Paul, who I had something going with wanted to try it, yes. Felt like shit lying to them, but I wanted to make sure we were okay before bursting into song about finding you or some shit._

_Chris: I told Han about Everett, so I guess that makes us even._

_Darren: Wait, did you come out to your folks?_

_Chris: God no. Just to Hannah, and she had already guessed. I will tell them soon though. Just...is your offer to be with me still on the table?_

_Darren: Always._

_Chris: Once we’ve got us figured out, I will tell them then, and I would like you to be there with me when I do, as long as you can handle that._

_Darren: I meant it when I offered Chris, you say the word and I am in the car to Clovis or on the couch in front of Skype, whatever you want._

_Chris: Thank you. Not yet, but hopefully soon?_

_Darren: Taking each day as it comes babe. But yes, hopefully soon._  
~~

Darren had kicked Joey out for the day, telling him it was a matter of life and death that he not come back until Darren was gone to work. That if he screwed this up for him, he could find himself a new best friend for at least a month. Joey had laughed until he saw the deadly serious expression on his friend’s face. “Oh shit, Paul gave you another chance? Yeah, consider me gone for the rest of the day. Just...be careful man. And save me some of the rice! Your mom’s cooking is the best!” 

“Nope, no rice for you. Get, go on! Okay fine, I will make you a personal helping of the rice myself if you promise not to text or call unless there is an emergency,” Darren said, holding out a pinky for them to swear on, knowing how much Joey valued his mom’s cooking. Joey beamed, locked their fingers briefly and shot out of the house as if on fire. A good thing too since Chris had just texted that he was on his way from the closest bus stop. Darren took one last cursory glance around, making sure the place was clean and that all the dishes were still warm so they could eat right away. He was just done pouring them both glasses of water when a knock sounded at the door. 

Darren made sure his clothes were stain free, straightened out the pink plaid shirt he was wearing and threw open the door to a very nervous, but happy looking Chris. He looked gorgeous, wrapped in a dark blue peacoat and light grey pants. Darren gestured for him to come in and took the coat, revealing a simple black button up underneath. They looked at one another, not sure what to say after months apart. Finally, neither could take the tension any longer and they rushed into each other’s arms. Chris swore he could hear a swell of music as Darren swept him into a hungry kiss, pushing him until his back met the door. Pain didn’t matter though, it was heavenly to finally be in Darren’s arms, tasting his mouth, breathing in his warm, musky smell. 

They eventually broke apart, breathing heavy but both smiling brightly. “I feel I should apologize for nearly molesting you, but I am so not sorry,” Darren wheezed out, his breath still struggling to keep up from the powerful kiss they had just shared. 

Chris giggled, pulling him in for another quick peck. “Neither am I. But I am also ravenous, so I need you to feed me first before we do anything else.” Darren nodded and pulled him into the small kitchen, waving to reveal the plethora of choices that he had laid out. Both of them dug in, practically inhaling the food, trying bites off the other’s plate, laughing over the last spoonful of leche flan that Darren managed to win. 

“How much food did your Mom make? Like how did the five of you manage to eat all this?” Chris asked, licking out the pan the flan had been in.

Darren savoured the last bite of dessert before responding. “She always makes more than enough so we have a variety of food over the weekend and then loads us up with leftovers to take back. Plus she gives some to shelters in the area or to the neighbors some years if they have a block party. And this year, where I hinted I was sharing it with someone special, she made sure I had extras so that you got a full helping of everything. I did have more but Joey got into some of it last night.” 

“I don’t blame him, this was so delicious. Please thank her for me, and tell her I will gladly be her taste tester for any future cooking endeavors,” Chris said and with a heavy heart, pushed the empty dish away from himself in an effort not to lick out any remaining crumbs. “Also, I want the recipe for that flan. Or for you to have the recipe and make it for me.” 

Darren laughed. “I’ll see what I can do. One of these days I will teach you some kitchen basics. You can’t live on ramen and microwaved meals forever.” 

Chris shrugged. “Well that’s what I’ve got you for. You cook, I do laundry.”

Darren squawked, “It was ONE time!” at which Chris levelled him a look. “Okay, maybe I have shrunk some clothes and ruined others with bleach. And there was the time I figured out why you’re not supposed to put fabric softener in with towels. Okay so yeah, you can be in charge of laundry.” 

Chris fist pumped in victory, then pointed to the couch. “Should we get this over with then?”

Darren nodded, and took his hand, leading them both to the cushions. “So I have been going to therapy for a few weeks now. It is helping, so thank you for that. I know that I still need to work on me, but I feel like I am ready to try again with you if you are willing to give me that chance.” 

Chris smiled and was about to answer but Darren put up his hand, as if to indicate that he still had things to say. “I need you to realize though, that I am still struggling with my self-image. So try to just be supportive if I get into a funk about it. But you also need to realize that this is me, Chris. I’m not your fantasy guy, but I’m still yours. Are you okay with settling for less than you imagined? For less white knight and more traveling bard?

Chris sat and thought on this for a moment, really wondering if he could let go of the Darren he had built up in his head, if he could really take this at Darren’s pace and be the strong supportive one in this relationship. He had to figure out if it was worth it, if this man was worth it. If not they could always be platonic mates, and seek romance elsewhere, as Chris could never see himself forsaking this bond. But could he be content with that? No, he wanted the romance, he wanted love eventually. And he wanted that with Darren, pitfalls and all. So he did the only thing he could do, and pressed a sweet kiss to Darren’s mouth. “I demand at least one ballad in my honour per date, good sir,” he joked when they broke apart. 

“I can do that,” Darren whispered before he brought their mouths back together again.

Mere minutes later they found themselves toppled over on the couch, exchanging heated kisses and letting their hands roam. “Joey’s not going to burst in this time is he?” Chris asked when he managed to pull away, his breathing much more labored than when they had started.

“He damn well better not,” Darren replied and looped his legs around Chris’ waist. 

Chris smiled as he went in for another kiss, starting to subtly rock his hips, letting them both acknowledge their growing hardness and the need for friction. When Darren went for his neck, he could feel the blood rush decidedly southwards. It was when teeth got involved that Chris became vocal once more, panting breaths and moans intermixed with his next question. “Wait wait...oooh that’s nice...I thought we were taking it slooooooooow?” 

Darren finally pulled away, admiring for a fleeting second the red mark he had left behind, a mark of ownership that **he** had created. “I have missed you and this so very much. And I told you I am ready to try again. And we probably should go glacial, but I just want to be with you like a normal couple would for one freaking date. If afterwards it was too much, we can stop and reassess then. But if you’re on board with this, then right now...” Darren stopped and pulled Chris back into a blistering kiss, the small sound of surprise being muffled between them. 

Chris decided to fuck logic, throw caution to the wind and enjoy himself some make outs. Their rutting had slowed down, but their kisses were growing more frantic, hands pawing at buttons and belts, just anything to free a bit of skin. It was Darren trying to flip them over that flung them off the couch inspiring pained moans and peals of laughter. “I think we might be a little over-enthusiastic,” quipped Chris, rubbing his shin where it had whacked off the coffee table while Darren ran a hand through his curls with a sheepish smile. 

“I did tell you I missed you right?” Darren just asked, an apologetic look on his face. 

“Nah, I didn’t catch that at _all_ ,” Chris replied, rolling his eyes good-naturedly. “Now how about we either move this party or cool down. Your choice.” Wordlessly, Darren yanked them towards his room and pushed Chris down on the bed. “Good choice,” Chris smirked as Darren stripped off his shirt and motioned for Chris to do the same. They both wiggled out of their pants and then joined back together in a frantic pace once the party was underwear only. Hips met and rubbed together, their erections ridiculously evident under thin cotton, elastic cutting into cock heads, precome smearing into stomachs. 

Darren pulled himself away momentarily, finally allowing himself to look at Chris. This was the first time they would be able to actually see and appreciate the other’s body and here he was, rushing towards the finish line. Yes, he was painfully hard, but god he wanted to appreciate the man stretched out before him. Miles of pale, smooth skin, blushed pink down to his collarbones. Toned and fit, definition in his spectacular arms that looked like they could hold Darren down and make him take it. Sparse brown hair in all the right places, freckles highlighting the glorious skin, especially his face. 

Chris noticed his appreciative glance and decided to check out his own private strip show. Darren was a bit more compact than his own lithe frame, but he was covered in golden skin, dark swathes of curly hair, a toned physique with just the smallest bit of pudge around his belly button. He was starting to sweat, but it just made everything glisten and look even more sun kissed. But those thighs looked like they could crush a watermelon, or be very helpful if Darren wanted to ride him like a bronco into next week. Most of all Chris wanted to get rid of those lovely purple boxers, because they were in the way of his ultimate goal. He snuck a finger under the elastic and gave them a slight snap, indicating they should join the pile of clothes on the floor. Darren pulled them down with a sultry grin until they gently fell to the carpet and then gestured to Chris’ own grey striped briefs. He yanked them off, throwing them to the floor with a smirk.

Both of their faces took on a glazed look. Darren was almost salivating at Chris’ cock, long and flushed red, the head dark and leaking, a thick vein winding up the shaft. The brown hair surrounding it was closely trimmed, wiry and thick. Chris meanwhile was distracted by the almost purple color of Darren, about the same length of his own but generously thick. The foreskin was starting to peel back, precome bubbling out of the tip. Chris reached out to trace his finger shyly up the shaft, feeling the smooth velvety texture rising up out of a thick thatch of midnight curls. When it reached the liquid at the top, a drop landed on his fingertip and Chris mischievously raised it to his mouth and sucked on his fingertip, savouring the bitter flavour. At this, Darren dived in to kiss him, chasing his own taste in Chris’ mouth. 

Darren then began to kiss, suck and lick his way down Chris’ body, lathing his nipples , leaving a bite mark on his ribs, nibbling on the tiny bit of skin around his belly button. He could feel Chris’ fingers in his hair, twisting his fingers in the curls, giving a slight tug that brought their mouths back together. Darren gave Chris an adoring smile then a kiss to where his name was scrawled across Chris’ chest. But his mouth knew where it wanted to be, and with a glance at Chris, he silently asked permission, which was met with an enthusiastic nod. Darren lined his hips with kisses, then let his mouth wander around Chris’ groin, sucking random places high on his thighs, sucking on his balls, until he finally licked a wet line up his cock. Chris felt like he was choking on air, Darren’s mouth just going to town, sucks, licks, twirls of his tongue, moans and hums that had him thrusting his hips up until an arm was slung across his hips to keep him still. 

Then he started _moving_ , with suction that felt like his soul might just come out of him when he came. His fingers found Darren’s curls again as he felt the end approaching, seeing Darren’s hips making their own movements against the mattress. “Dare, I’m so fucking close, so come up here and kiss me, then I am returning the favor.” He gave a particularly hard tug, to which Darren let out a toe curling moan, sucking with renewed vigor before popping off at almost the last second to surge up and kiss Chris soundly. Chris saw white as he finally gave in, feeling only the hot pleasure and then wet spurts hitting his abdomen, streaking him with his own come. 

Darren just stared at Chris, enthralled with seeing him in the throes of pleasure. His eyes slammed shut, his face gone entirely pink, his mouth wide open in a silent shout, his body twisted in convulsions, and Darren was awed that he had caused such a glorious, beautiful reaction in this man. And while he was tempted to lick Chris clean, he knew they may not be at that stage yet. A small lick was one thing, but he grabbed a few tissues for Chris to wipe himself off with, all the while humping at his thigh in desperation for his own release. Chris hastily wiped himself clean and then pushed Darren down flat on the bed with an “Ooof!” and began devouring his skin, leaving marks on every inch he could reach. 

By the time Chris reached Darren’s hips, his entire torso was covered by his mouth and deep red scratches from his fingers, the tan skin beautifully marked. Darren was whimpering, almost pleading at Chris to do something, anything, before he went mad. Chris decided to take pity on the man and enveloped him in a single motion. God, Darren was delicious, and Chris happily took in the salt of sweat and precome, allowing his tongue to swirl around the length, making sure his use of teeth was minimal,feather-light. He sucked and bobbed, slurped and hummed like a man possessed, letting Darren thrash around until he began to thrust with abandon. 

At that point, Chris gripped both of his shapely hips and pinned them to the bed. It was mere minutes after he did this that did he felt hands in his thick hair, nearly pulling it from the roots in order to dislodge him. Darren pulled Chris up for a fierce kiss, and Chris quickly tugged on his cock to finally have the other man sob out his release. God this man was beautiful when he came. He was vocal, crying out his release, kicking his feet and arching his entire body. , Even as he came down, Darren still twitched and moaned when Chris tugged on his hair, which he fully intended to exploit further next time. When it was finally over, Chris took some tissues and gently cleaned them both up, as Darren looked near passed out from the overwhelming pleasure.

“Good?” Chris asked with a chuckle. 

“No, terrible, do it again,” Darren mumbled, snuggling himself into the sheets. Chris smiled, making sure his phone alarm was set for 3:00 so they had plenty of time to get Darren ready for work and then snuggled into him for a well deserved and needed nap. 

~~

Darren awoke to a small flurry of kisses being placed over his face, smiling at the tiny bursts of warmth showering him. “Mmmm, best wake up ever,” he said, stretching his arms out, finally taking in a beautifully bed ruffled Chris, a warm grin painting his face. “What time is it?” 

“Almost 3. Figured I’d get you before the alarm did, maybe get something small to eat before we get you ready for work? Then I unfortunately have to head off, as I have reading to get done and a paper to start on. Otherwise I would go to work with you and swoon over you all night.” Chris said. “Maybe next time we have a date we can talk more about us? Do the generic first date thing where we actually get to know one another a bit **then** we can totally do this again. Sound good?” 

Darren nodded, beaming at Chris, pulling him down for a quick kiss. “Okay I gotta jump in the shower, you wanna join me or warm up the food?”

Chris smirked. “Always join. Race you!” he exclaimed before racing out of the room, leaving Darren to untangle himself from the jumble of sheets. 

“Not fair Colfer!” Darren yelled with a laugh, lunging at him in a hug from behind, causing them both to explode with giggles. A quick peck and then the shower was turned on full blast, both jumping in once it was an acceptable temperature. Both of them wished they had the time to lather one another, take their time, languish in the intimacy. This of course did not stop Darren from digging his shampoo covered hands deep into Chris’ hair while Chris did the same with his curls. “Don’t think you can get a mohawk out of that. Not that you ever could, really,” Darren remarked as he definitely did not spike Chris’ hair. 

“I don’t doubt that. But I am glad you let it grow out. Just trim it from now on maybe, I do love your curls. Of course, it’s your hair, so you do what you want. But I think you could probably rock the fro again if you wanted,” Chris responded, moving them both so he could rinse out his hair while Darren soaped himself. 

“Nah, it was too much work. But I do want them a bit longer than the pseudo buzz cut I was rocking. Moderation I guess. Switch? I gotta condition,” Darren replied, happy that Chris wasn’t trying to change him, just stating an opinion and respecting what Darren thought. Chris gave his ass a firm smack as he passed, cackling as he took the soap, allowing Darren to rinse while he cleaned himself off. It was an awkward dance, but it was still enjoyable to share a space with his soulmate. They could be playful, and honest with one another. This was just them being domestic, and while it was no real sweeping romance, Chris could be content with this. Just to be with Darren, this could definitely be enough for him. 

Once they were clean and toweled, Darren asked Chris to heat up the food while he did a cursory shave. Chris threw on an undershirt which he knew was not his, but screw it, sharing clothes was high on his list for domestic soulmate bliss. He did pull on his own underwear before tugging on his pants, leaving his shirt somewhere on the floor. He was just finishing heating up the food when the front door slammed open. 

“Sorry sorry sorry, but my boss called me in and I needed a shirt and you are not answering my texts, so I promise I can be in and out in five seconds and...you are not Dare,” Joey shouted, almost out of breath by the end. 

Chris looked him up and down, wondering how snarky to be and just was thankful that Joey had not come home earlier when they had emerged from the shower. There would have been no way to hide his soul mark in that instance. “What was your first clue?” 

Joey smiled, liking that this Paul guy seemed to have some fire in his soul, but still cared enough about Darren to give him another chance. “The snark? Or maybe the three feet of height you have on him?” 

“Not that short, asshole!” Darren gave an indignant cry from the bathroom, obviously listening in on their exchange. 

Chris snickered, dishing the last of the leftovers onto three plates, silently offering one to Joey who gave him a once over before taking it and quickly shoveling most of the still cold food into his mouth. “Thanks man,” he said, muffled by a mouthful of rice. 

“No problem, just don’t let him know I shared some with you.” Chris responded, tilting his head towards the bathroom, placing the other two plates in the microwave, heating them up as Darren finished his shaving.

“No dude. I mean, yes thanks for the food because Dare’s mom is the best chef in the world. But thanks for coming back, for giving him a chance. He was a little ball of sad when you guys called in quits back in September. He seems to really like you. Just...don’t break him again, please?” Joey replied, almost in a whisper so Darren didn’t overhear them.

Chris wasn’t sure if he was supposed to feel insulted or think it was sweet that Joey was looking after Darren like this. “I’m not _her_ ,” he hissed the last word, spitting it out like venom, “I would never do that to him.”

Joey stood there, absolutely gobsmacked. “He **told** you? About that bitch?” Darren didn’t like to share the story of Christine. Usually if anyone asked, Joey just gave an abbreviated version when he was out of earshot, trying to keep anyone else from questioning with inane gestures after seeing how it affected his friend after the first couple times. So the fact that he shared it with someone he had known for such a short period of time implied a great deal of trust and a depth of feelings Joey doubted either man was ready to admit to yet. 

“Yeah. And I want to smack her probably almost as much as you do. Maybe more. So just trust me, his heart is safe with me. And I hope mine can be safe with him...one day. We are taking it slow,” Chris answered, a small blush lighting up his features, especially when Joey looked with a dubious look at his wet hair and the last of steam escaping the bathroom. “Okay, slow-ish. We **did** get interrupted last time.” 

Joey did at least have the decency to look a little sheepish at that and looked at the time with a yelp, running off to grab his work shirt and out the door once more, screaming about being late for work and how nice it was to meet Paul one more. “Nice,” Darren chuckled, rubbing his now smooth cheeks against Chris’ shoulder, “I think he’ll give me shit later, but at least this time he gets you mean business. Food time now?” 

Once all the food was gone and they were properly dressed-- “Yes Darren it is your shirt. No I am not giving it back. Because it smells like you--” and numerous kisses exchanged, they knew it was time for Darren to hit the road if he wanted to be to work on time. “Do you mind dropping me at the corner near my dorm? It’s on your way, and I don’t exactly want to say goodbye to you yet,” Chris requested shyly, to which Darren smiled warmly and yanked them out to his car, an aging dad wagon that got him from point A to B so it was good enough for him. 

Once they got on the road they discussed their next date, debating the traditional movie and dinner or if they wanted to go do the kitschy tourist thing. “Maybe hold off on trying another picnic?” Darren suggested, to which Chris agreed. “I mean, it was a good idea but it’s November, not that LA really gets cold, but still…”

Chris grinned, allowing Darren to babble on for a bit before pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Sounds like a great plan for spring. Until then how about we stick to dinner and a movie Friday night and go from there?” It was too soon before they pulled up at the curb, close enough for Chris not to have too much of a walk to his dorm, but not too close so that any of his friends would be around to see Darren dropping him off. They said goodbye with another kiss, Chris waving as the car pulled away with a wistful sigh, then trudging off to get some homework done. 

_Nadia: You’re not in your room. I thought you had studying to do and that’s why you couldn’t hang this afternoon._

_Chris: Ever heard of a library woman?_

_Nadia: Where do you think I started looking for you?_  
.  
Chris: _Didn’t say I was in the one on campus._

_Nadia: Why would you travel off campus in order to go to a library to study?_

_Chris: Because I was studying the anatomy of a particular young gentleman, and needed a more ‘hands-on’ approach ;)_

_Nadia: Colfer you dog, I demand deets, now._

_Chris: Nope. :D I really do have to study._

_Nadia: Colfer I will hunt you down, you know I will._

_Chris: Can’t I have any secrets?_

_Nadia: …_

_Chris: You don’t know him, what does it matter?_

_Nadia: Come on, my love life is non-existent right now, let me live vicariously through you. Give me a name at least._

_Chris: Le sigh. Everett._

_Nadia: Wait, Everett from September Everett? The one you refused to tell me what happened with Everett? That Everett?_

_Chris: One and the same. He texted me out of the blue asking if we could give it a second shot, and well...I really like him. So I said yes, and I am so glad I did._

_Nadia: I bet you are. Alright, I will have to have a talk with him to make sure he doesn’t hurt you again, but I approve. For now._

_Chris: Gee thanks. Can I go study now or will you be sitting outside my door?_

_Nadia: Oh no, I am totally still here. But I suppose I will head off to my room and get my own reading now. Give me a text if you wanna head off to the dining hall for foodstuffs or need a break._

_Chris: Will do. And thanks Nads._

_Nadia: NP_

Chris: <3


	4. Chapter 4

Darren had been beaming all week since his date with Chris on Monday. Yes, sometimes the dark thoughts instilled by her still floated around him, but he focused on the good things right now. Chris’ smile, the sounds he made in bed, him sneakily trying to get one more bite of food off Darren’s plate, the sweet kiss they exchanged when Darren had dropped him off. So who could blame him for smiling, for whistling and singing around the house. Thankfully Joey had said nothing but he always kind of had a crooked smirk on his face when he saw Darren. But now he was just itching to do a happy dance over Chris sending him texts expressing his excitement for their date. Darren had asked if Chris was okay seeing _The Muppets_ instead of something more artsy. Chris had scoffed and told him he adored The Muppets, and also popcorn with a ton of butter. 

He relayed all of this to Amelia, who tried to keep all expression off her face, but Darren could see her hiding a smile when he told her about the date, how they were going to try and start fresh...well as fresh as they could. They were trying, and more importantly, they were doing it together. He bounced in his seat as he went into detail over his plans to try and up the wooing for Chris’ sake. He was still struggling to believe that he was worthy, but Chris made him want to be better, or to even believe that he was okay as he was. 

“Sounds like you are making excellent progress Darren, I am so pleased. Just keep up the hard work, okay?” Amelia said. “I want you and Chris to remember to take it slow though, as much as that makes me sound like your mom. I mean, you two seem to be alright, but we want to avoid setbacks. So keep things slow, remember to be honest with one another, keep the lines of communication open. Talk to him when you’re having bad days; either to tell him you need space or that you need him to support you. But listen to him as well, he may have days when he needs you to be strong, even if you don’t feel particularly strong or worthy. You both will have moments of weakness, days when you need to work on yourselves, either on your own or as a team. So remember that-- you two are a team. If you work together, things will go much easier, days may be better. Just don’t beat yourselves up when they aren’t.” 

Darren nodded, almost solemn now that reality was calling. He knew that the land of sunbeams and lollipops wasn’t just around the corner, but with Chris the skies were less gray. “So homework?” he asked.

Amelia shook her head. “I want you to keep doing what you’ve been doing, but if you have a day where the invasive thoughts are really bad, write down what they were, and how you dealt with them. We’ll revisit it sometime in the new year, and hopefully you won’t have much to report, but just in case. Now we only have a few weeks left before Christmas, so I have to ask the hard question. Do you want to meet again next week or do you think we can wait another two weeks, meet once before the holidays and then again in the new year? It’s up to you, and you know I love hanging out with you, but I could go without seeing you every frigging week rubbing your puppy love in my face while my husband is away working.” 

Darren thought about it, knowing the holidays were going to be a harder time for him, the stress of finding the perfect presents, dealing with the crowds, and he already knew he wouldn’t get much time off work, so going home to his family was looking more and more out of the picture. “Can we try two weeks but if I’m doing really bad I can maybe squeeze myself in like we did last time? I may need an appointment between Christmas and New Years, but I’m hoping I won’t. Is that okay?”

Amelia smiled and nodded. “Sounds like a plan. Now go, enjoy your date this weekend, try not to stress about it being perfect, and I will see you in two weeks where I am sure you will gush all about it.” She squeezed his shoulder like always and sent him on his way, motioning for her next patient to come in while Darren embarked out into the cold and off to work for the evening. He was more thankful than ever he had negotiated weekends off at the restaurant, as he had a plan to make this the best date ever. 

Darren looked at his phone, seeing that Chris has just gotten out of his last class, so he figured he would give him a call, not wanting to spend all their time texting now that he was welcome to actually talk to his soulmate again. He pressed the number to dial, reminding himself again that he needed to replace the joke kitten pic that served as Chris’s contact picture, resolving to replace it with a good picture as soon as he got the chance. He broke into a grin as Chris answered. “Hey babe, how was class?”

“Boring, full of the prof lecturing about our final papers being due soon, all that jazz. How was therapy?” Chris responded.

“Apparently I am annoyingly sappy and Amelia told me not to come back for two weeks so she didn’t throw up with how sickening cute we are.” Darren laughed as he got into his car, turning on the speakerphone so he could drive and talk hands free. “I mean, I still have work to do, but she’s pretty happy with my progress and that we managed to pull ourselves back together.”

“Me too. Nadia, screw off, I am on the phone. Yes with Everett. No, hey give that back!” Chris exclaimed, sounds of a struggle coming through the line.

“Chris?” Darren was worried, not sure if Chris was just getting pestered by his best friend or had gotten mugged. 

“Yo, you Everett?” a female voice came over the line, Chris’ voice swearing in the background. Best friend it was. 

“Yes ma’am,” Darren replied, hoping and praying Chris had changed his contact info like he had due to inquiring friends with no concepts of privacy. 

“Listen, I dunno what you did to my boo back at the beginning of the semester, but he seems inclined to forgive and forget . So I will give you a chance, just one. You hurt him, I hunt you down and literally emasculate you. Capische?” she said, her voice bright and chipper, even when levelling threats against him.

“ _Si signora_. May I please have _mio ragazzo_ back now?” Darren asked, hoping that this girl had no understanding of Italian lest she confirm his relationship status before he did. 

“Colfer, your boy is spouting gibberish, but he passes muster for now. I’m off to my next class, you enjoy your night,” the girl said, presumably tossing the phone back to a grumbling Chris. 

“Sorry, she likes to meddle, claims it’s because she cares. Anyways, I am glad that therapy went well. So where are we going for dinner?” Chris asked, a slight hum in his voice.

“I’ll pick you up where I dropped you off around 6 and it’s a bit of a surprise from there. Then late movie, after which I can drop you off or you can come back to mine and well…” Darren trailed off. 

“I like well. Just stock up the fridge this time so we are not regulated to burnt toast and pulpy juice,” Chris said, his lingering disgust evident .

“Oh gross, no, that shit is Joey’s. I have made sure that I have my own so neither of us are subject to having to deal with pulp ever again. I’m almost home, gotta head off to work in a few, talk to you later?” Darren asked as he pulled into his driveway, to which Chris agreed before they both hung up. 

~~  
_And there were three sexes then, One that looked like two men. Glued up back to back, Called the children of the sun._  
~~

As weeks passed, Darren had never been happier. Dates with Chis were going well, often ending with Chris staying the night, or even the weekend. They had yet to label anything, but they had grown close, exchanging superficial getting-to-know-you information before going into deep secrets, always discussing their insecurities and expectations. True, they were still growing together, still learning, but the days where Darren delved into darkness grew smaller, Chris staying patient, whispering reassurance when he retreated into himself. Darren sometimes helped Chris by quizzing him on concepts for his final exams that were almost over, making sure he didn’t stress himself out with trying to finish everything and cram in one night. 

As of right now, Darren was lounging in bed, waiting for Chris to finish his last exam and come back home...no here, to him. The dorms were closing over the weekend, so as soon as he was done, Darren was determined to steal Chris for himself before he was forced back to Clovis for the holidays. He was staying in LA for the break, as his parents were going to New York to spend time with Chuck and Lucy. Darren knew there was no way he was getting that much time off work, nor did he really want to give up the generous holiday tips or an empty apartment as Joey was going home and, leaving Darren alone. He had already anticipated having to schedule an appointment with Amelia, knowing loneliness this time of the year would trigger his more aggressive dark moods. 

The door swung open, and Darren really hoped it was Chris and not someone breaking in. He and Joey really needed to have a talk about who could have a key to the place. Where he and Chris at that point when they wouldn’t even say the word boyfriends? Or soulmates? Maybe they needed to actually say out loud what they were so Chris could at least answer some questions from his parents when he went home. He had offered several times to be there when Chris came out, so he would go up to Clovis on his days off if it came to that. As Darren the soulmate or Everett the boyfriend, whatever Chris needed. He called out to whomever was in the house and heard Chris shouting his hellos as he kicked off his shoes and then fell face first onto Darren’s bed. 

“So should I ask about your exam or…?” Darren questioned, rubbing a hand over Chris’ back in a soothing pattern. 

“My kingdom for the use of my right hand again,” came the muffled response. “So glad that they are all done now, I think I was in danger of developing severe carpal tunnel from all the essay and paper writing. Please tell me we have no plans for the weekend other than sleep, food and orgasms because I do NOT want to move until Monday night when you have to go to work.” 

“Nothing but lazing for us, my good sir. Though you may wanna schedule time to gather your stuff from the dorms before you head off to Clovis. Unless you made a deal to snag the same room next semester.” Darren said, ruffling the hair on the back of Chris’ head as he nuzzled into his hand. 

“Mine til I graduate, no worries. But about Clovis…” Chris sat up suddenly, shaking his head as the blood reoriented itself. “I don’t want to spend my entire winter break putting up with that place this year. Especially if it means leaving you alone, cuz I know Joey is going home next week. So I was wondering...would you be opposed with me staying over for a bit? I mean, I’m going to Clovis for the 23rd, and I’ll be back New Years Eve at the latest, and I can shack up with some friends until the dorms open up for spring semester ...I just don’t want to pretend to be something I’m not my whole break. And I don’t want to leave you alone. I would spend the actual holiday with you, but my parents refused to come down here or let me stay because I want independence. I got the whole ‘Christmas is a time for family, Christopher’ speech and everything. You are just staring at me and letting me babble, so could you give me any thoughts on the matter?”

Darren had been smiling, the tables finally having turned, and yeah, he could totally see why Chris found it cute when he had nervous word vomit. But…”What are we?” he asked finally, looking down at the duvet instead of at Chris. It was a relief to get the words out, but they left his gut churning with anticipation of the answer

Chris took Darren’s hands in his own, a kind smile on his face. “You’re my soulmate, Darren. But when Nadia or Joey ask us, we are boyfriends. Well we are both, but that first title is just for us right now. If that’s okay? We’re not ready to bond, I know that, but I do want us to belong to each other in some way.” 

Darren looked at Chris, a smile spreading across his face. “I like that. and yeah, feel free to shack up with me until the dorms open up again. Be good practise for...well what I hope is our future. I’d offer to go with you to Clovis, but we don’t want to spring that on your parents. But I’ve got Christmas Day and the day after off, so if you decided you want me to come down, I can if you want. Either to tell them something, or just come rescue you if it’s terrible. Whatever.”

Chris was biting his lip. This subject had come up several times between them, Darren taking care to never push him to come out, but Chris could see Darren misconstruing it as some sort of shame when it came to being with him, not just with men in general. “I think I might...be ready. Just not on Christmas Day, the day after maybe, and then if I need rescue you’re there to either support me or whisk me away. Will Joey be okay with me staying here?”

“As long as you help pay for some food, he should be fine. He’s going to be working a lot until the holidays though, just to get that week off. So he may not even notice you’re here if I keep you locked in here like I want to do,” Darren replied with a cheeky smile. “But yeah, I would love to have you here, spend more time with my shiny new boyfriend. Maybe we could even get a tree together or something completely, grossly coupley like that?” 

Chris beamed and leapt onto Darren, wrapping him in a hug. “I would love to do a very kitschy Christmas with you. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Now, I am going to have a nap, and afterwards we can go get my stuff and some lunch. Okay?” 

“As long as I get to snuggle the fuck out of you while you sleep,” Daren bargained.

Chris snorted. “Cuddle whore. Like I am going to turn down my human teddy bear.” He stripped off his outer layers, wiggled under the blankets and grasped onto Darren tightly before promptly passing out with exhaustion. Darren smiled down at him, and maneuvered them into a more comfortable position before setting his alarm and dozing off himself, dreaming of sharing Christmas with the wonderful man beside him. 

_Darren looked Joey in the eye, wanting to make sure that adding another to their already small space would really be okay. “Listen, the UCLA dorms are closing for the semester, and Paul isn’t keen on going home right away. So would it be cool with you if he shacked up here until the holidays and for a bit after until they open up again?”_

_Joey was hesitant, because Darren was the one who had claimed they were going slow, but practically living together after a few weeks was not slow in his mind. However, he had sworn to be supportive, and he did like Paul, and as long as he made Darren happy, then what did he care? “As long as he buys his own food and you pick up any water charge we get from the frequent showers and sheet washings. Yeah. I’ll be working anyways, so just keep the sex noises to a minimum when I’m here.”_

_Darren smirked. “After the hell you put me through when you were hooking up with Celeste? Please. Or Madeline. Or that ill advised hook up with Jamie? Or..”_

_Joey slapped a hand over his mouth. “Okay okay, I get it. I like loud girls and loud sex. Just...at least keep it in your room and to a dull roar when I’m asleep okie?”_

_Darren licked his hand and then ran away laughing, tossing an “Okay!” over his shoulder before he bolted out the door to his car to meet Chris at the dorms. They would drop his essentials off and then they were doing some present shopping before a late dinner._

~~  
_December 22, 2011_

The apartment was dim, only the lights of the Christmas tree and the yule log burning merrily on TV lighting up the room. Chris and Darren were snuggled on the couch, enjoying a glass of eggnog each, the faint sound of carols playing over the crackling of the burning log. They had found they enjoyed sharing the apartment, though Darren worked most days and Chris decided to spend his time writing, wanting to finish his novel before May. He had taken the time to see Nadia, who had been couch hopping in an effort to avoid going home until she absolutely had to. He had barely managed to weasel out of having Nadia meet Darren, but both of them had resolved that as much as it sucked lying to everyone, until they were ready to bond, the truth of their relationship was no one’s business but theirs. Well, Chris would love to loudly proclaim that he had finally found his soulmate, but he knew this was one thing he had to compromise on. 

“Do you want to do presents now? You’re leaving early tomorrow, and I don’t want to leave them until after,” Darren said, finally breaking the silence. They had agreed to a price limit on presents, since they were still adjusting to being a them, but according to Darren, “Everyone likes presents, you’re getting one whether you like it or not Chris. So suck it up.”

Chris nodded, and extracted himself from their cuddle pile in order to get the wrapped package from his bookbag, the one place he figured Darren would keep out of. Once back on the couch, he faced Darren with a slight blush on his cheeks. “So my present is a bit silly and maybe a tiny bit selfish, but here, I hope you like it,” he said, pressing the gift into Darren’s hands, which was torn into with abandon. Inside were two copies of a [book](http://www.amazon.ca/BioShock-Rapture-John-Shirley/dp/0765324857/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1433370669&sr=8-1&keywords=bioshock%3A+rapture), to which Darren gave a questioning glance. “It’s a book about how Rapture got formed and started to fall. I figured since you introduced me to the game, you would like that. And I got two copies so we could read it together?”

Darren pulled him in for a sweet kiss. “That’s awesome, and I would love to read it with you. But you know how much of a fast freaky reader you are, so you might be going through it a second time around by the time I finish it. So no spoilers!” he said with a menacing finger point, completely failing in being taken seriously when he started cracking up. “Thank you though Chris, I love it.” 

Chris smiled once more, one of his rare smiles where Darren could see his teeth, satisfied to know he was truly happy. Darren pulled a slim parcel out from under the couch and handed it over, hoping that he had done well with the present selection. Chris neatly peeled back the tape, not because he was the type of person who saved the paper, but because he liked to aggravate Darren with how long it was taking him to get to the present already. One look at the scowl on Darren’s face caused him to break and burst out laughing, finally ripping the paper off with a flourish. Inside was a [DVD](http://www.amazon.ca/Masterpiece-Downton-Abbey-Season-U-K/dp/B0047H7QD6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1433371598&sr=8-1&keywords=downton+abbey+season+1) showing a cast in period clothing in front of an enormous estate with the name Downton Abbey written across the front. “It’s a British show about the aristocracy in the early 20th century. I know you like, love the Royals and history, so I figured it would be right up your alley. I have to confess I’ve already seen the first few episodes, and I loved it, but if you wanted we could watch it together. Then if you like it, we can get the rest of it.”

Darren had a hopeful look on his face, and Chris wasted no time in pulling him into a tight embrace. “I love it. Just be prepared to binge watch it with me. And for snarky commentary over things that they get wrong.” 

“I’d have it no other way. Plus it has Maggie Smith! Fucking McGonagall! You know I will never pass up on my favourite Hogwarts professor!” Darren replied. 

Chris beamed, and though he was tempted to pop it into the DVD player right away, he knew that he had to get up early in order to get the bus to Fresno. Darren would have liked to drive him all the way home, but he had work all the next day, so would have to settle with dropping him off at the station. “We’ll have a watching party after we get back from Clovis in a few days.” 

Darren saw the smile and light vanish from Chris’ face and grabbed his hand. “Hey, if you don’t want to do this...I feel like I might be pressuring you. I mean, just because my folks were cool with my sexual preferences doesn’t mean yours will. So you say the word and we say nothing to them.”

Chris gave a weak grin, wishing he could be sure that his situation would turn out the same. “No, I’ve got to tell them. And now that I’ve finally found you, there’s no reason not to be honest. But I’m not going to tell them you’re my soul mate. I just...cannot see that going well. They will just question if I’m sure, whereas if you’re my boyfriend, well they still might do that, but hopefully they will accept it easier. I know it sounds backwards, but lumping both news into one day would just...not work well for any of us. Are you okay with that?”

Darren hated that they were lying to everyone actually, it just wasn’t in his nature. But one thought of the hell he went through with Christine, and he remembered why it was good to keep this little bliss to himself for now. Without the questions from their well-meaning and overbearing friends, or the pressure from their families to be one way or the other. So yeah, the fallout would not be pretty, but hopefully everyone would be happy enough for them in the end that it would outweigh the months of dishonesty about the name of his partner. “I told you time and time again babe, whatever you need. So I’ll be Everett the boyfriend instead of Darren the soulmate, and if you need to hightail it out of there afterwards, we can. Or if you want to stay, we can. Or well, you can, I have to work the night of the 27th so I could secure New Years off with you. So I’d have to leave early that morning if I stayed, okay?” 

Chris nodded, then snuggled further into Darren’s embrace. “I don’t know how I can ever thank you for being here for me through this. For pushing me to do this and believing that it will all turn out okay. So...just know I’m grateful.” 

Darren nuzzled the top of Chris’ head, inhaling the sweet smell of his shampoo. “For you babe, it’s no hardship. You know I’m crazy about you.”

Chris gave a gentle kiss to the slight bit of Darren’s neck he could reach. “Crazy about you too.” He snuggled in further, both of them letting the dim lights and quiet carols on the television lull them into a gentle sleep.  
~~

_December 26, 2011_

To say Chris was nervous was an understatement. Darren had texted hours ago that he was hitting the road and should be arriving around lunchtime, provided he could follow the directions to the Colfer household that Chris had provided. He hadn’t yet told his parents that he was expecting company, but neither of them seemed to be in any hurry to do much of anything after the hectic mess that was Christmas. He didn’t want to do this, he really really didn’t. But could he go on living a lie to his family? Sure he would be lying to them either way regarding the soulmate situation, but that could be forgiven, as the bond was only between two people and whomever else they chose to share it with. But this? This was completely unknown territory. He had already packed his bag, and thrown together another one of anything he had left behind in his childhood room that he couldn’t live without. He had written letters to each family member if the worst should happen and they decided that he was no longer welcome as their son. 

Chris didn’t really think it would come to that. While he had never heard his parents say anything homophobic, they had also never spoken up when others were and never expressed any pro-gay thoughts. So he had no idea what their thoughts on the matter would be, especially when it concerned their son. He knew Hannah would back him up, but he worried that they would see him as corrupting her, and the pain of being separated from her because of his orientation terrified him. Oh god why was he doing this?

_Darren: Hey babe, pulling into your driveway now. Am I coming in or turning around because I have been dealing with your panic for three hours now and am guessing you are freaking the fuck out._

Chris felt a wave of warm calm go over him, feeling Darren’s affection wrap itself around him, allowing him to truly breathe for the first time all day. He could do this. He was doing this for Darren, and more importantly for himself. He sent his gratitude out to Darren then waved at him from the window beside the door, letting him know he should come in. Darren smiled at him, doing his best to look reassuring and supportive, even though they both knew how scared he was. Here he was, still struggling with his own issues, but facing his boyfriend’s parents for the first time. God Chris lo-- adored him for that. Nope, too soon for the L-word, even in his thoughts. He yanked open the door once Darren reached the stoop and wrapped him into a giant hug. 

“How was your trip?” he asked, inhaling the sweet smell that he had definitely missed over the past 3 days, all warm spices and sweat. 

“Twas fine, I think most people took the day off since no one wants to go back to work or travel the day after Christmas. Boss called me when I was 20 miles away asking me to come in, but I was almost here, and he understood, especially when I worked Christmas,” Darren murmured, doing his best to hide that he was getting himself a good hit of Chris’ smell as well. 

“Christopher how many times do I have to tell you I am not paying to heat the outside? Stop leaving the door open like...oh. Hello.” Tim Colfer took in the sight of his son pretty much wrapped up in a strange man, both scrambling to disentangle themselves and look as much like they had not been caught in an intimate embrace. “Why don’t you and your guest come inside and maybe we can have some cocoa?” Tim had phrased it in a way to let both boys know it was not really a request. They sheepishly followed him into the house, making sure the door was shut firmly behind them. “I’ll go get the kettle started, and then we will join your mother in the living room. Christopher, why don’t you take this nice young man’s coat?” Tim said before turning into the kitchen.

Chris knew his face was blazing red, this was not how he wanted this to go. He took Darren’s coat, trying not to hyperventilate with how panicked he was feeling. Darren grabbed his face in his hands, making their eyes meet. “Hey, it’s going to be okay alright? We face the music and either have a great story to tell our future kids about or we get the hell out of dodge and you get to tell me ‘I told you so’ at least five times.”

Chris looked astonished. Kids? This was the first time Darren had even mentioned wanting kids, or even spoken about their future with such certainty. Fuck it if his parents walked in on him, he grabbed Darren in a quick, passionate kiss. “You make me want to be so much braver than I am,” he whispered. 

“You make me want to try, so we’re even. Now come on, I was promised cocoa, and I was hoping to see adorable baby pictures before I go,” Darren said, smiling with forced over-the-top confidence and ushering them both towards the living room where the Colfers were now sitting, whispering quietly. He offered up his hand to Chris, who took it, though it was sticky and moist with sweat, though Chris was no better, both of them teaming with nerves. They sat down on one of the couches, facing Chris’ parents with their raised eyebrows and expectant expressions. 

“So…” Chris drawled “This is my boyfriend. I’m gay. I’ve been gay my whole life, I’ve been pretty aware of it since I was about 14. It’s not a phase, you can’t cure me with prayer or therapy. I would like it if you would accept and respect this aspect of my life. But if you can’t, and want me to go, I will. I understand this may be a shock to you, and I can also give you time to process it. But I can’t change who or what I am.” 

Darren squeezed his hand tighter, admiring how Chris had come right out and said it, no beating around the bush. After 7 years of keeping this bottled up, he could feel that Chris was just a little relieved but it was being swallowed by his nervous anticipation. He finally looked at the Colfers, seeing how they were reacting, which was stone faced shock. Had they really never even guessed that their son was not entirely straight? He knew that Chris had tried to keep the reason for the bullying and even a lot of the abuse itself quiet so as to not cause them more stress. But had they never gone into the school to question the administration about why their son was getting beat up? Or was the administration of the same mind as the bullies? 

It was the sound of the kettle whistling that broke the silence, and Chris jumped up, muttering something about cocoa before dragging Darren with him into the kitchen. Once there he got down four mugs, explaining that Hannah was over at a friend’s house for the afternoon. He put cocoa mix in each mug, mixed in a little milk and then filled each with boiling water. Darren grabbed the bag of mini marshmallows to plop a few into his drink and then more into Chris’. Gods knew the boy deserved something sweet after having to go through that and getting no reaction to it. They brought the mugs in, setting two in front of Chris’ still shell-shocked parents and then sat to begin sipping on their own. Tim was the first to react, lifting up his cup to blow across the top, taking a hearty gulp and wincing at the scalding temperature. 

Karen was just staring at Chris, like she had never seen him before, like she was trying to put together the pieces of the puzzles of the man she once knew as her son. Chris gave her a weak and nervous smile. She then looked at Darren who tried to give her his most charming smile, waving slightly. She then smiled ever so slightly, her entire face warming as she took in the two of them. “So how long have you two been together?’ she asked, finally bringing her drink to her mouth.

Darren swore he could feel the breath of relief that Chris let out beside him. “Since September, but we only started being boyfriends after Thanksgiving.”

Tim regarded Darren, almost if he was peering into his soul. Darren tried to hide the fact that he was sweating bullets, and audibly gulped. “So son, why don’t you tell us a little bit about yourself, starting with your name since my child over there seems to have forgotten his manners today and the importance of introductions,” Tim said with a teasing air. 

Chris scowled a little and Darren held in a laugh. “I’m Everett sir. I’m 24, from San Francisco originally. I have a degree in acting from the University of Michigan. But right now I play piano at an upscale restaurant while I’m working on putting together some songs for a CD and going to auditions.” 

Chris looked at him with a little bit of surprise. “I didn’t know you were putting stuff together for a second EP. I had best get an advanced copy mister.” Darren just nodded, wanting to surprise Chris with how much of the album was for him. 

Karen cooed at them, then asked about where they had met and what his parents did. If he had any brothers or sisters. On and on, and Darren guessed they had no issue with the whole gay thing. They were probably thrilled that Chris would have love in his life, as Chris had told him they had always worried he had no interest in the matter. They just want to figure out if he was good enough for their son. Something he still struggled with, but he was trying his hardest, even though he could feel the blackness of doubt always tugging at him. Chris could obviously feel that, so sent him a wave of pride in him for doing so well, but motioned his head towards the hallway bathroom if he wanted an out for a few minutes. Darren gave a grateful smile and excused himself, hoping that he could calm himself down before it got too bad. 

As soon as the door to the bathroom closed, Karen whirled around and faced Chris with a concerned expression on her face. “Why didn’t you tell us before, Christopher?” 

Chris felt ashamed and pretty guilty, but he knew he owed his parents the truth. “You know how they treat gay people around here Mom, they blame us for the splitting of the souls and worse. I wasn’t sure that you wouldn’t agree with them. And then when you were so disappointed when I got a boy’s name...I just figured it was better for me not to say anything.”

Karen and Tim exchanged a look, a sadness permeating their expressions. Tim looked at Chris, who was twiddling his thumbs, looking downtrodden. “Son, if we ever gave you the impression that we would not accept you and love you, no matter what, then I am sorry. Maybe we could have spoken out against those ignorant people more, or have let you know we would never judge you based on who your other half is. We just want you to be happy.”

Chris could feel his eyes start to flood with tears. This was what he had hoped would happen, that his parents would be okay with this. With him and who he chose to live his life with. “I am really happy. Especially now that you two know, and can support me. I was so afraid…” with that both of his parents swooped over to grab him into a hug. They were not a physically affectionate bunch most of the time, but right now? It was the best feeling in the world being wrapped in his parent’s loving embrace. “I love you both, so much,” he struggled to get out through the tears. 

Karen kissed her son’s hair, murmuring her love to him while Tim rubbed his back with similar sentiments. “Now, should you go check on your young man before we grill him about how to treat you? Because I have been waiting years to do that with whoever you brought home and you cannot deny your father this pleasure.” Chris laughed before wiping at his eyes and extracting himself from the couch. 

He knocked at the door quietly, feeling some waves of blackness rolling from the man behind it. “Babe? Can I come in?” He heard a sound of assent and he quietly entered the room, closing the door behind him. Darren was slumped against the sink, hands on the rim, head down, radiating panic and doubt. Chris came close, placing a hand on his arm very tentatively. “Darren? Babe? You okay? Or is that a stupid question?”

Darren grunted, unable to get words out right now. His thoughts were swirling, feeling the pressure of being judged, of being strong, of being good enough. God, it had come on so fast, and this was without Chris’ parents even knowing they were soulmates! Why had he put himself through this? Chris deserved better, someone who wouldn’t freak out and have a panic attack just from answering a few questions. He deserved someone who could stand with him, proud of their relationship, not having to hide behind secrets and lies because of their insecurities. He felt like he was drowning in the expectations, his breathing becoming choppy and frantic, almost struggling for air. He could feel warm hands on his shoulders, massaging his tense muscles, but they did little to help. A voice whispered in his ear to breath along with it, arms wrapping around him, radiating warmth and care. He slowed himself down, reacting to the comforting aura surrounding him, filling him with calm. His breathing slowed, and he started coming back to himself, finally seeing his pale face in the mirror, Chris’ concerned expression behind him, his arms surrounding him. 

“Hey. Lost you for a moment there. You need me to do anything for you? Call Amelia? Get you a drink? Leave you alone?” Chris offered, lowering his arms to his sides, allowing Darren to step away. 

Darren turned around, looking at this man who so openly adored him, who seemed happy and proud to be with him, accept him through everything. “Kiss me?” he asked, his voice quiet and meek. Chris smiled and tugged him into a sweet kiss, pouring his feelings toward Darren until he was almost slumping, overwhelmed by the warmth that Chris held for him. Darren hummed when Chris pulled away, a grin on his face. “Alright, let’s go back out to your parents before they think we’re getting frisky in their powder room.”

Chris held him back, hesitant for a second. “I think we need to talk about what just happened. It got really bad, and I want to make sure you’re okay to go back out there and that it won’t be too much for you. You say the word and you can go, I promise I understand.” 

Darren melted by just how concerned Chris was for him. “Yeah, it got bad, never had a meet the parents moment before and I guess it got to me. I want them to think I’m good enough for you. I’ll call Amelia tomorrow and see if we can move up our next appointment or sneak another one in. Maybe you could come with me this time, and let her know what happened since I was so out of it?” Chris nodded and motioned for him to go on, knowing he needed reassurance before facing the Colfers. “I’ll be okay now, I think. If it gets too bad, you’ll feel it and maybe we can make excuses. Just hold my hand, and promise me your dad is not a gun owner.” 

Chris laughed out loud. “My dad is a giant teddy bear who gets sick at the sight of blood. I think you’re safe from harm, but he does want to ask you questions, so just pinch me or something if you need him to shut up. I promise I will find a way to distract them, even if it does mean dragging out my baby photos for you to coo over. Okay?” 

Darren could feel the words _‘I love you’_ welling up in his throat but he pushed them down. No, he couldn’t just spring them on Chris now, the bond was still humming around him, and he wanted to be sure before he said them. Even if he felt them, without a doubt. Instead he pressed a quick kiss to his cheek and pulled them out of the bathroom to see Tim and Karen sitting expectantly on the sofa, smiling at them both. He could do this. Chris was with him, Chris thought he was good enough...and someday Darren hoped he could believe it himself. 

~~

As time went on, things returned to their normal swing. Chris returned for his last semester of courses, meaning they had less time to spend together, but Darren tried to work as much as he could to save up for a mini vacation for them during Chris’ spring break. Amelia was impressed at them working together to help Darren, and though he never joined in on any more therapy sessions, Chris knew he was always welcome to attend. Joey grumbled about ‘Paul’ practically living with them on the weekends, remarking that Darren should just put him on the lease already. 

“Not quite ready for that yet...but would you mind if I gave him a key? I mean, I was going to give him a drawer so he stops lugging stuff back and forth. But would that be okay?” Darren asked. 

Joey looked at Darren, seeing how happy Paul made him, seeing him actually getting better, back to his old self. Yeah, it sucked to listen to their sex noises sometimes, and their apartment wasn’t really big enough for three people, but he wasn’t going to deny his buddy anything right now. “Sure, he can have a key. But when he graduates? He isn’t moving in here. Either he gets his own place or you both shack up somewhere else, because this place is too small as is. Comprende?” 

Darren glomped him in a hug and told him it was understood. Yeah, Chris had a dorm room, but with them only having weekends free, what was the sense of him using it when he could spend it snuggled up with Darren? So yeah, he was going to present Chris with a key, and space for his stuff. They were there by now, right? True, they had yet to say the L-word, but this seemed natural, right. He felt good about moving forward for once. Hopefully Chris would be okay with the cheesy gesture and agree to this baby step in their relationship. Or giant leap, whatever. He would ask soon...maybe on Valentine’s Day? It was coming up soon, and he had asked for it off so he could spend time with Chris. Not that he had made any plans for that either, maybe he should ask Chris if he was even into Valentine’s...who was he kidding, Chris the uber romantic would love anything Darren did. Would it be weird if he gave Chris flowers? He was interrupted from his planning by a text message from his phone. 

_Joey: Hey assbutt, we doing anything for your b-day next weekend?_

Oh right. His birthday. He hadn’t forgotten about it, per se. Every year he never really liked growing older, as it had reminded him how alone he was. But this year, with Chris? Maybe he would actually feel like celebrating. 

_Darren: Hadn’t planned on it, why?_

_Joey: Because Lolo will be in town and wants to know if you want some drinks for the big 2-5. Figured you, me, Paul and her could go a few rounds the night before then sleep them off all day before we massacre a cake in your honour. What says you?_

_Darren: Does she know about Paul?_

_Joey: Dare-bear, what do you think?_

_Darren: Of course she fucking does. Alright, as long as she promises to be as nice as Lauren ever can be._

_Joey: Yeah, good luck with that buddy._

_Darren: It’s my birthday wish. Tell her that and that if not, I still have pics of her that she def doesn’t want the internet to see._

_Joey: Tell her yourself, I ain’t getting in the middle of that fight again. No sir._

 

 _Darren: Lo, please, as a present to me, please please be nice to Paul._

_Lauren: Who? Moi? When am I not nice?_

_Darren: -_-_

_Lauren: Fineeeeee. But only because it’s your birthday Criss. and Richter seems to think this one's a keeper after the bitch monster._

_Darren: Thank you. I’ll see if he can come._

_Lauren: He had better, I am only coming down to meet him!_

_Darren: It’s MY birthday!_

_Lauren: Yeah, been there, done that. I wanna meet your new boo!_

_Darren: Please never call him that again._

_Lauren: You’re no fun anymore._

_Darren: Old age will do that to you._

_Lauren: :P See you in a few days old man!_

_Darren: Gods what have I gotten myself into?_

When he looked at his phone, he knew Chris was still in class, but was due to come over after he was finished. He had promised to hang with Darren at work tonight, claiming he wanted some nice background music while he tried to get through his writer’s block. Of course, Chris had also promised to let Darren read his novel when it was done, but he seemed to be taking his time finishing it, claiming it needed something more. Darren had laughingly suggested putting himself into it, but Chris had looked like he was half pondering the idea instead of joining in on the laughter. Darren left it alone after that, figuring that Chris would be done when he was done and hopefully he would see what was eating up all of Chris’ free time lately. He had hinted at having a chance at it being published after he graduated, so Darren understood, but he just...missed his boyfriend lately. God, he was becoming needy, and that road lead to bad places. 

As Darren was finishing getting ready, he could hear a knock on the door, and called out that it was open, hearing an exhausted Chris slump into the house. “Hey sweetie, how was your day?” he asked, already sensing that Chris was in no mood for talking. 

“Fucking group projects. I hate them. Why bother agreeing on a meeting time if only half of us are going to show? I mean it’s not like our final grade and possible graduation is riding on this fucking project. Oh wait, yes it IS! Argh!” Chris replied, almost to himself, tugging at his hair, pacing around the room, almost stomping in frustration. “What’s worse is that the prof knows about the whole team not pulling their weight and refuses to get involved or even just give grades to those of us who did the work and fail those who are riding OUR coattails! She is all ‘solve it yourself, work it out between your group members, that’s how it works in the real world’. Except in the real world the slackers would be fired. Or reprimanded. Just so stupid!”

Darren would be amused if Chris wasn’t so scary when he was pissed. Red faced and nearly steaming with rage, he continued muttering his frustrations while Darren quietly heated up the kettle, making sounds to show he was listening at the appropriate places. “Okay Mr. Angry, how about you have some calming tea before you wear a hole in my floor, and then you can tell me who to send the hired killers after?” he said, pushing the mug towards Chris who finally seemed to slow down, pulling up a stool to the counter. 

He sipped the tea quietly, giving his thanks, letting the scent of chamomile and honey wash over him. “Sorry about all that. It’s just frustrating that so many people refuse to take this seriously. I guess when I have a scholarship to maintain I get a little crazy when it comes to my grades. Plus we have to write a paper as a group and I just want to kick whomever came up with **that** idea in the teeth. Please give me something to take my mind off murderous intentions.” 

Darren smiled, sipping his own tea, allowing it to relax his vocal chords for the evening, as his boss promised a big crowd with awards season in full swing. “Well my friend Lauren is coming by next weekend and wants to know if us and Joey want to go out for drinks with her. She kind of wants to meet you, and I had to promise her to be on her best behaviour. There will be cake the next day and everything!” 

“Why will there be cake?” Chris inquired. “I mean, I would love to meet more of your friends, especially the StarKid members, but I am confused.”

Darren looked down, a blush forming on his cheeks. “Oh because it might...be my birthday next Sunday?” he finished off in almost a whisper. 

Chris nearly did a spit take of his tea. How did he not know his own boyfriend’s birthday? He felt lousy because it gave him next to no time to get a present. “Okay, why am I just now finding out about this?”

Darren shrugged, still looking a little embarrassed. “Not big on birthdays I guess. You don’t have to get me anything, just spend time with me. Although I will not turn down any and all forms of birthday sex.” his smile turned lavicious, for which he got a small smack to the arm. 

“At least let me buy the cake. Whatever flavour you want, and I promise I won’t make it,” Chris bargained. 

“I’d like to see you try to make me one in your dorm room microwave, ” Darren quipped. “Oh! Maybe you could do an Easy Bake Oven one! One of my childhood girlfriends had one and those things were always the shit.”

Chris just stuck his tongue out at him. “Just for that, I am keeping the flavour a surprise and you get no say in it.”

Darren smiled and kissed him on the cheek. “Fine by me babe, as long as it has frosting I’m game. Now, are you ready to go because I gotta motor if I want to be at work on time.”

Chris nodded, grabbing his bookbag, and the two were out the door, Chris still thinking about something he could give Darren for his birthday. 

~~

Lauren knew as soon as she met Paul that he was a good fit for Darren. And not just because she wanted to adopt him, but because of the moony eyed look Dare got when he was looking at, talking about or even thinking about Paul. He was smitten, plain and simple. But it was a different kind of love than with that bitch monster, Lauren could tell that Paul didn’t have Darren tied up in knots or degrade him. In fact he praised Darren, but wasn’t afraid to call him on his shit, especially after she got some fruity cocktails in him. The boy could **not** hold his liquor. That lead to a few embarrassing stories that Darren called to a halt once she started asking questions regarding their bedroom antics. 

“Lo, you promised,” he said, levelling a glare at her, which she met with a sigh and agreed to allow Paul to get some water in him lest he be too hungover to enjoy the delicious chocolate mud cake he had stored back at Darren’s apartment. 

“Tell me about doing the Potter musical. Your Draco had me in stitches, and I want more stories. These two have been rubbish at sharing,” Chris slurred, motioning at Darren and Joey, who were sipping at their beers with fake hurt all over their faces.  
Lauren smiled indulgently, loving what a fanboy Paul was, but knowing that he was with Darren outside of his minor celebrity and because he genuinely cared for him. “Well this fucker--” motioning at Darren with her Long Island Ice Tea glass-- “wrote all the songs with AJ, and guess who forgot half the words? That guy.” 

At first Chris giggled, knowing Darren had a penchant for forgetting his own song lyrics. He could memorize lines of dialogue, had a million songs in his back pocket to be able to play on several instruments. But his own songs just refused to stay put, and Chris suspected that it had something to do with him not thinking them good enough. He saw Darren’s face, noting a bit of shame and guilt, sure his friends had given him some crap about it when they were doing the show, and that Christine had made it all the worse when she found out. “Darren was too busy making sure that you all knew them first, and when he performs live, it gives the audience a more interactive experience. His fans love him and his music, so letting them sing along and enjoy it with him by involving them is incredibly smart.” He winked at Darren who was smiling at him like he hung the sun in the sky. 

By the end of the night Chris could feel the alcohol starting to wane, but he was still a few sheets to the wind, and hoped that he had not said anything he would come to regret in the morning. They stuffed themselves into a cab and once they were back at the house they dumped Lauren on the couch, pushed Joey into bed, and stripped before a quick shower and falling into a deep slumber themselves. 

It was going for noon by the time Chris and Darren awoke, both feeling a little rough, but not in agony like Lauren surely was after her sixth drink. Darren passed Chris over a bottle of water he kept on his nightstand after a healthy swing himself, but pulled them down to snuggle instead of getting up. “Nope, it’s my birthday, staying here. Joey promised me pancakes, and I am not moving until he brings them to me. Which knowing Joey will be in like two hours.” 

Chris smiled, throwing a leg over Darren’s hip, snuggling further in, loving the fact that he was becoming such a cuddle bug. There was just something about being in Darren’s arms that filled him with affection and a sense of security. “Did you have fun last night?” he asked.

Darren shrugged “It was alright, It was nice to catch up with Lo. Though she apparently wants to put you in her pocket and bring you home. So I may not leave you alone with her, just in case.” 

Chris snorted “I like her too, but no chance am I ever going to leave you for her. You’re way cuter, and no offense, but I think she’d fit better in my pocket than I would in hers.” 

Darren snorted, pulling Chris into a sweet kiss, morning breath be damned. Chris didn’t seem to mind either way, if the soft smile on his face was any indication. Darren felt so lucky to have this man in his life, but refrained from saying those words that would cement their bond, but maybe it was the bond that was creating the feelings themselves. Was he ready to chance that? To commit himself to another bond relationship, even if this time it was the real deal, even if he knew that Chris was his real soul mate, was he ready to risk getting his heart broken again? Maybe Chris was only putting up with him because they were meant to be, not because of any real affection. Was he second guessing himself to keep himself safe from hurt or because he should be?

“Hey, what’s with the clouds, mister? Birthdays should be sunshine,” Chris said, hugging him closer, as if that would help the incoming storm of self hatred. “I think you need your present, that should cheer you up.” He extracted himself from their hug and rooted around in his bookbag. “I know you said not to get you anything, but that’s always code for get me something, so suck it up and accept your present.” he said as he handed over a sheet of paper.

Darren looked over the page in front of him, seeing it was a character description for a prince named Charlie. Who sounded an awful like him. Chris had made _him_ a character in his story that he was trying to get published. Darren felt honoured, touched. Chris was looking at him expectantly, hopeful. “You told me to put you in the story...so I made you the Frog Prince. He’s a major character, and my personal favourite. I know it’s not a real present as I was planning on doing it anyway, but I figured it was a nice gesture.”

Darren could feel a swirl of emotions. “Chris...thank you so much. But why the Frog Prince? He’s not exactly the best of looking guys for most of the story,” he said with mock indignation.

Chris laughed “No, but inside he’s so much more, and a kiss from his soulmate makes his outside reflect that.” 

Darren froze at that, looking almost offended. “Are you saying I’m cursed or something? That your kiss is supposed to cure me or fix me. That because that’s not how it works in real life you had to make it so in your story?”

Chris looked at him, almost aghast. “No! Yes, love makes things better, and I think us being together has helped your issues. But you’re not broken Darren, you don’t need to be cured. Never once have I ever thought that! I just thought it was romantic that soulmates being together brings out the best in each other! That’s all I swear!”

“You do make me better, you know. It’s just hard to remember that sometimes because...she was always trying to make me into her version of better, not the best version of me. I’m sorry I ruined your romantic gesture with my stupid brain,” Darren said, looking almost ashamed. 

Chris grumbled under his breath “Well at least I try at romance…”

“I can be romantic!” Darren shouted, not caring if their...disagreement would wake the others in the house. Disagreement? Fuck it, they were fighting. They had been doing so well, but here they were, fighting.

Chris glared at him. “Name something romantic you have ever done for me Darren! I have been here, supporting you, taking things slow, lying to all of our families and friends so you can take this at your pace. So name me something you’ve done for me!” Chris felt like crap saying this stuff, but he had never claimed to be all that smart either, wishing his expectations would finally take the back seat to his wonderful reality. 

Darren glanced around the room, racking his brain. Crap, he was a shit boyfriend, making everything about him and his issues, never being what Chris might need or want in this relationship. But then his eyes landed on his guitar. “My songs.”

“What?” Chris bit out.

“My songs. I wrote them for you. I wrote Not Alone for you, when you were having a terrible time in school, I wrote it so it would somehow comfort you. That I could play it for you one day after we met, that it would show you how much I care! That maybe I could play it for you if we ever got married. That even without you next to me, you made everything better just by existing! It’s all for you, they are all for you Chris!” Darren exclaimed, looking at a shell shocked Chris. 

The words coming out of Chris were said in almost a whisper. “That song saved my life you know. It reminded me that I wasn’t alone and that I couldn’t leave you alone either. Darren, you have **no** idea how much I adore you right now.” Chris, tears streaming down his face, pulled Darren into a passionate kiss. He had wanted to say love, but after all that, he was terrified he would send Darren running, freaking out about it being their bond instead of what he was sure where his actual feelings. So he decided to show him with actions instead of words. 

Chris tumbled Darren onto his back, their kisses becoming a raging inferno, limbs intertwining, scratch marks and fingerprint bruises forming as hands explored. It was like they were ravenous for one another, an all consuming fire that drove them further and further. The fitted sheet popped off, the headboard slammed against the wall, and moans rang out as they rutted harder into one another. Darren was near gasping when their mouths detached, Chris faring no better, staring at one another with astonished expressions. Darren then gave a smirk. “You know you don’t have to kiss my ass about liking my songs just because we’re together you know.”

Chris gave him a look but then grinned, an idea forming in his mind. He manhandled Darren, flipping him over onto his stomach, giving a little grunt at the rough treatment. Chris began littering his back with kisses as he spoke. “I was your fan before I was your boyfriend.” A mark appeared on one of Darren’s shoulder blades. “You saw how many plays your songs had on my phone.” A lick up the column of his spine. “Hell, the night we met the only reason I was even in that dive was because my friend told me you were playing. So don’t flatter yourself.” A soft kiss was placed on the dimples at the small of his back. “Now if you want me to kiss your ass…”

A loud, silly smacking kiss was placed on the pillow of Darren’s left cheek, causing him to laugh. God, no other lover had ever made him laugh like this, had made sex **fun** like this. But then his cheeks were being pulled apart and all laughter stopped. A hand urged his knees up and apart, a sucking kiss placed at his perineum causing him to quickly inhale. Yes, he had been with boys before, had fingered been fingered, but no further. And no man had ever offered to put his mouth _there_. Which he could totally understand, as he had never seen the appeal of doing it himself. But glancing back at Chris, a hungry but questioning expression on his face, if there was anyone he trusted to make this good for him, it was his soulmate. He gave a slight nod, then dropped his head again, closing his eyes and allowing himself to just feel. 

Chris couldn’t believe that Darren had agreed to this. They had discussed their sexual past, so he knew how much this would mean. He was also glad that they had showered the night before, because he would never consider doing this otherwise. He looked his fill, the plump halves of Darren’s ass, framing a dusky hole, everything covered in curly hair and near quivering with anticipation and want. He placed a sweet kiss at the asterisk of Darren’s hole, laving small kitten licks around it before sucking very gently at the rim. Chris had done this to one other man, and hadn’t really enjoyed the experience, but eating Darren out? Was heavenly. He tasted of sweat and musk, a hint of tangy spice and just pure _Darren_. 

Chris worked his tongue and lips, feeling the small hole begin to open to him as moans rang out from Darren, both of them uncaring if they were being too loud. There was spit everywhere, but Chris just kept working until he could finally begin to corkscrew his tongue inside, thrusting and licking with abandon. He could feel fingers in his hair, keeping him in place, as it seemed that Darren _really really_ enjoyed the sensations that Chris was creating in him. His pace increased, tongue thrusting, Darren’s noises ringing out around the otherwise silent room. Chris’ jaw was starting to ache, he was finding it hard to breathe, but he kept on until he could start working a finger inside. “Lube,” he gasped out. “I don’t want to hurt you.” 

Darren froze just a second. “I’m not ready for…” 

Chris was taken aback for just a second, the realized where Darren thought he was headed. “No sweetie, just my fingers. I mean as much as I want to work myself into your gorgeous ass,” Chris gave it a mild spank, causing Darren to bite back a groan, “now is not the time for us to bond. Is that okay?”

Darren heaved out a breath of relief, then rooted in his nightstand, handing the slim bottle back to Chris. He closed his eyes, allowing his other senses to reign, the medical smell of the lube, the squelching sound as Chris worked it over his fingers, the first cold touch of it to his skin and the murmured apology Chris gave as he rubbed the silky liquid around Darren’s rim. Each knuckle was worked in with agonizing tenderness, constant reassurances sought before any new movement was attempted. Before too long though, Darren could feel three of Chris’ fingers stuffed inside him, twisting and rubbing, seeking out...”Ah!” yup, they found it. 

Chris could feel a thrum of satisfaction at the way Darren was reacting, the whimpers and moans he tried to smother into his pillow, the uncontrolled thrusts back to meet his fingers, his own hands clenching the sheets in a death grip. Apparently someone was really _really_ into prostate stimulation. With a near evil smirk on his face, Chris started pulling his fingers out, only to be met with a protesting whine from Darren before he shoved them back in. Rubbing and stroking, almost to the point of too much before he backed off again, over and over, until Darren took himself in hand and started stroking his cock in time with the movement of Chris’ fingers. Chris himself was almost in pain with how hard he was, thrusting lightly against the back of Darrens thigh, leaving sticky precome behind. 

“Chris...god Chris I am so damn close...please just…” Darren’s babbling cut off with a whine, a grunt and a hoarse shout as he started clenching around Chris’ fingers, finally releasing all over the sheets and his hand. Chris damn near yanked his fingers out to get a grip on himself, hand flying before he unloaded all over the back of a very sated and prone Darren. 

Chris slumped off to the side, giving a radiant smile and with a smirk said, “Happy Birthday.” 

Darren just grinned. “Best birthday ever.”


	5. Chapter 5

_Now the gods grew quite scared of our strength and defiance. And Thor said, "I'm gonna kill them all with my hammer, like I killed the giants."_  
~~

“So...is Paul like, living here now?” Joey questioned one night over video games while Chris was writing a paper back at his dorm. 

Darren button mashed, tongue sticking out, trying to pull off this impossible combo. “No. Just has some of his stuff here. Gave him a key and a drawer so he could stay weekends. But he has a dorm room, he’s there most nights. Why?”

Joey’s character pulled off a move that had Darren’s near dead, the annoying low life alert beeping incessantly. “Do you want him to be? Living here?”

Darren scooped up health as he really considered the question. “I mean, I’d love to fall asleep with him every night and wake up with him every morning. But then he’d never get to class and I’d never go to work. So yeah, but not right now.”

Joey delivered a failed move, groaning at Darren’s evasive maneuver. “You have got it so bad man.” Darren just hummed in agreement. “No seriously, you love this guy don’t you?”

Darren was taken aback, wondering if it was so obvious that he did love Chris. Or he thought he did. The constant doubt that it was the bond creating these feelings, that he wasn’t worthy of Chris loving him back; if his feelings would be genuine. “Haven’t said as much to him…” he trailed off, his thoughts swirling, not noticing that Joey had utterly obliterated his character. 

“Dude.” Joey said, facing him. “It is super obvious that the both of you are crazy go nuts for each other. And I like Paul, he makes you happy. I have been understanding about the sex noises...but I want warning if he’s gonna move in for the summer. Because this place is not big enough for the three of us, and my patience for your constant rainbow loving ways will only stretch so far. So when he graduates, if you guys want to shack up, either we find a bigger place for the three of us with soundproofing or you two find yourselves a love shack on your own. Okay?”

Darren nodding, knowing Joey had been having a bit of a dry spell, so rubbing his fairly successful relationship in his face was less than friendly. But the idea of living with Chris....were they ready for that? They had only been together for a few months, was it too fast? But the idea had taken hold and Darren could not shake it free. He had meant what he said; he wanted that stupid domestic bliss with Chris. He wanted to build a home with him, start a life with him. They had a ways to go before then, but Chris wasn’t graduating until May, so he had a few months. They could do this, they could live together, Darren was sure of it. “Is it okay if we stay here for a bit until we find a place?” 

Joey put on a look of fake contemplation “One condition.” Darren just waved his hand, motioning for him to continue. “Tell him you love him first. You are both miserable holding in the words, I can tell.” With that, he left Darren on the couch, controller falling from his hands as the word ‘Fatality!’ rung out from the television.

~~

“Colfer!” Nadia cried out, causing Chris to sigh. So close. He looked longingly at the library, knowing his plans to get this paper finished tonight was fading fast. The semester was quickly winding to a close and he needed to finish this work to finally graduate. It sucked for his social life, rarely seeing anyone who didn’t share classes with him, but when he walked across that stage to receive his diploma, it would be worth it. 

“Hey Chris, I am talking to you, don’t pretend you can’t hear me, that’s a dick move,” Nadia continued, finally catching up to him, wheezing a little and holding his arm to ensure he couldn’t escape. “What you actively avoiding me now?”

Chris sighed. “No Nads, just have a paper to write. You know how it is, semester ending and all.”

Nadia nodded, though didn’t look satisfied. “Yeah, I know. But man, I haven’t seen you in ages. Every day you’ve either got your nose buried in a book or you’re off with your boy toy. No time for little ole me anymore,” she said, a wistful tone to her voice, and though Chris knew she was partially joking, he still felt bad for how little time he had given her as of late. He had been so caught up in school work, writing and Darren, he hadn’t really had time for much else. “Sorry Nads. You know how my head tends to stick up my butt if you don’t call me out on it.”

Nadia grumbled good naturedly. “So am I ever going to meet the elusive Everett? I mean, you guys have been together for months, you practically live there when you aren’t in class.”

“We don’t live together!” Chris sputtered.

“Not in legal terms, but you have stuff over there, I know it. And his bed has seen more action than your own. I mean, why don’t you two just make it official already? Or at least stop kidding yourselves that it is exactly where you’re heading once school is out and you’re homeless. I mean, I know you guys love each other…”

Chris squawked at that. “How do you? I haven’t even told **him** that yet!”

Nadia laughed. “Oh please baby boy, it is written all over your face whenever you talk about him or text him. So I doubt he wants you to go back to freaking Clover-”

“Clovis,” Chris corrected. 

“Whatever. Neither of you want to do long distance. I know for damn sure you don’t want to backtrack it to Homophobeville, even if your parents are okay with you liking guys now. So maybe make sure he feels the same and talk about real estate listings,” Nadia replied, giving Chris a pat on his back lovingly. 

Chris froze momentarily, and in a fractured whisper said, “But...what if he doesn’t?”

Nadia took Chris by both shoulders, forcing him to look at her, his eyes welling up with the possibility that he was alone in his feelings. That all this worrying about going too fast and scaring Darren away with them would be for naught. “Listen to me Christopher. I have yet to meet this guy, which we will be having words about when you don’t have a paper looming. But you are so damn lovable, never forget that. He is guaranteed head over fucking heels for you but probably scared damn near shitless to tell you, thinks you’re too good for him or some shit. So make sure he knows how you feel, and he will probably be relieved. But I damn well better meet him before we cross that stage, got it mister?” Chris nodded and enveloped her in a hug. 

“Promise,” Chris whispered in her hair, unsure of how he would accomplish such a feat, but knowing their time as Everett and Paul would soon have to end. But right now he had bigger issues at hand. Like how to tell Darren that he loved him. 

~~

“Mr. Colfer? Will you see me before you go please?” Professor Stanton asked as his class ended. Chris started to panic; had he forgotten to turn in an assignment? Submitted a rough draft of a paper? Failed their last reading pop quiz? He gulped and nodded, gathering his things slowly as the crowd exited the room, all eager to get to lunch or their next class or just home to sleep. 

Soon it was just Chris and the teacher, who greeted him with a smile. “You’re not in trouble you know. I was speaking to Doctor Harris and she told me you were working on a novel? That she may have some connections for you when it’s done.” 

Chris could feel the panic leaving his body, being quickly replaced by amazement that his profs remembered him enough to talk about him outside of class, especially in a positive light. Sure Dr. Harris had been on the committee that had selected his short story that lead to him winning the scholarship that got him here, but he was touched that she thought so highly of his talent to mention him to other profs. “Yes sir. I just have to do some final revisions, but it is essentially done. Dr. Harris said she might know someone I could pass the manuscript on to, but I know it isn’t always that easy.”

Professor Stanton assessed him, looking him over with an air of respect, seeing he did not expect a hand out, but appreciated a leg up. “Well I’m glad you realize that. While the both of us have been published, neither Dr. Harris nor I can guarantee anything. However, while you wait for her offers to get back to you, I thought I would propose one of my own. A friend of mine owns a small publishing house and is offering a paid internship for the summer if you were thinking of staying in Los Angeles. It’s not much, just fetching coffee, making copies, but they are always on the look out for new talent, so they would probably at least look at your manuscript after a few months of slaving away for them. Just another avenue you could explore. If you’d like, I could get you their contact information so you could apply, and I would be more than happy to put in a good word for you, which will go a long way.”

Chris beamed. “Yes sir, I would love that, thank you so much! Though not to sound ungrateful, but why me?” 

“Christopher, you are extremely talented, I’ve read the story that got you in here, and a lot of your papers here show a great understanding of the English language. I would love to see you succeed. All I ask is that you add me into your acknowledgements page should the book ever go big,” he said with a laugh. He then handed Chris a business card, shiny black with gold print reading Anubis Books.

Chris thanked his professor profusely and nearly skipped off to his dorm. Lunch be damned, he had a book to finish! 

~~

Joey smiled in amusement as he watched Paul pace the tiny kitchen and living room space. Apparently he had finished the novel he had been working on all year and had wanted Darren to be the first to read it. Apparently he had even made Dare into one of the primary characters, so he was bound to be nervous over his reaction. Though Joey could do without the wear to his floorboards if he ever wanted the security deposit back on this place. He took sympathy on the poor man and motioned him over to play some video games while they waited. 

“You might have to wait a while, in all the time I’ve known him, Dare has always been a slow reader. Though that was mostly for text books, so who knows. Race me in Mario Kart and talk to your old pal Joey. Tell me how it feels to almost be graduated.” Joey said, passing him a controller and shifting so they could both fit on the couch. 

“Honestly I am mostly relieved. Don’t get me wrong, I have loved getting to learn at UCLA, but I am so happy to be pretty much done with school. Also to be done the book. I already handed off the finished copy to the profs who said they would pass it along, so now it’s just a waiting game.” Chris replied, mindlessly pressing buttons as his character careened all over the course. Racing games were so not his forté. 

“So what’s the plan for the summer? Back to Clovis, or you staying in LA, or off to parts unknown?” Joey asked, easily winning the race, waiting patiently for Chris to finish before they went on to the next course. 

Chris finally crossed the finish line and shook out his fingers before he replied. “Back to Clovis for a few days after graduation, my family wants to throw a party, and only my parents and sister can make it out to the actual ceremony. Then well...I’m going to do a summer internship at a publishing house. Probably find a place with a few school friends, then see where I am come the fall. Most of the bigger places are on the East coast though...so I’ll see where I am come September.”

Joey was shocked by this. Did Darren know his boyfriend had no intentions of staying in sunny California? Or did Paul expect Darren to follow him? “Not planning on staying here?” he asked sarcastically.

“No, I know we kind of cramp your style, and we should have made sure me being here so often was okay with you. But a friend of mine asked me if I wanted to share a place with her, so that’s probably where I’ll end up. Though I’ll still be by,” Chris replied, concentrating more on button mashing than any technique.

Joey wondered if his impression of these two being so great together was wrong. Had they really not discussed living together? He was sure that if Darren had gotten turned down, he would be a mopey mess. Or had they decided to keep it casual and not push anything in order to leave those big first to their soul mates? They weren’t even Facebook official, though Darren claimed that Paul didn’t have one, so really they couldn’t be. Maybe this was another one sided mess, where he had misconstrued Paul’s feelings. “I figured you and Dare would be shacking up together. Like, not here, at least not after you found your own place.”

Chris smiled a little, not realizing Darren had come far enough to consider them living together. That was why he was going to take up splitting the rent on a place with Nadia. “He never mentioned wanting to live together, and I never wanted to rush him by suggesting it myself. I would love to live with him, but you know better than I do that Darren is hesitant to jump into anything. I have to let him bring it up, I don’t want to lose him because I want the romance and domestic bliss before he’s ready for more.” 

Unbeknownst to both Joey and Chris, Darren was standing just out of view in the hall. God, had Chris really felt like he was holding him back like that? He knew they had both made sacrifices in order to make this relationship work. But that small nagging voice still protested that Chris still wanted that fantasy with his fantasy soulmate, and not with a very real Darren. He looked at the story in his hands, feeling immense pride in his boyfriend, and resolved to make a move soon towards moving them forward. He went back to the bedroom, contemplating ideas for how he could ask Chris to move in with him. 

“So...East Coast though? You think Dare would go there with you or are you thinking that far ahead?” Joey questioned. He needed to look after his boy, and he saw no point of him encouraging Darren further if Paul was just planning on calling it quits by summer’s end.

Chris looked thoughtfully at the ceiling, completely uncaring if his character went over a cliff for the millionth fucking time. “I mean, I’d love for him to come with me. Plus I know his brother has recording contacts out there if he wanted to finally put out another album. And I **know** he could seriously rock a Broadway stage if he tried. But I don’t want him to come just for me. He has to want to come, to uproot himself. It’s a sucky situation Joey, but if I can help it, I am not saying goodbye to him any time soon.” 

“You love him?” Joey asked, keeping his voice down in case Darren was listening. 

“More than anything,” Chris said, his voice sure. “But he has to say it first. I love him more than I need to hear the words. So I’ll wait until he feels the same or leaves.”

Joey dropped his controller and scooped the other man into a hug. “Thank you. But I’m fairly certain he feels the same. Just be patient. Okay?”

Chris nodded into Joey’s shoulder, hugging him back. He just hoped that all his waiting and hoping would not be in vain. 

~~

Darren could feel the sweat dripping down his back, and wished he could blame it solely on the heat. He was currently sitting next to the Colfers in the arena of UCLA, awaiting the 2012 graduation ceremony. But he was also sporting a thick beard and had gelled his curls flat to his head. He had overhead Chris lamenting to his friend Nadia that Everett probably couldn’t come to their graduation, knowing she would recognize Darren. So he decided on this ‘disguise’ and hoped it was convincing enough. Karen had taken a couple glances at him throughout the day, so it was good enough to fool her. Hannah had told him that he looked kind of stupid with gel but he was working the beard. Chris hadn’t seen either yet, having been nose and eyes into his final works for the past few weeks, and Darren working weekends to get a bit of extra cash. But he knew that Darren was coming and had a plan to meet the dearest friend he had found since moving out here. 

Finally the ceremony began, and Darren had to fight from falling asleep as the Dean and various professors droned on. He had tried to stay calm today, could feel Chris’ nervous energy thrum through him all day. He was still panicking, knowing that there was a chance they would be outed, that everything would fall apart today. But Chris was worth it, and he deserved the chance to show off his boyfriend. He was terrified that Nadia would confirm all his fears about not being good enough for Chris, that he would ruin today by breaking down if she did. 

Plus there was his present...god he had no idea how this would go over. But in his card he had stashed the real estate listings, with several apartments circled and a question scrawled across the top. Plus a few pages of sheet music, containing an original song he had written for Chris. It had been months of work, and almost impossible to keep secret. He planned on playing it for him later, as Chris was leaving for Clovis in the morning. He was worrying about Chris liking the song, of Chris saying yes to living together. Or maybe even saying those three little words that had been thrumming in his heart for months. Screw thinking that the bond was creating this. Screw worrying that Chris would not reciprocate. He loved Chris, and dammit he wanted Chris to know. Wanted the world to know. 

After what seemed like a century of waiting, they began announcing the names of the people receiving diplomas. Hannah had shredded her program, either in boredom or nervousness, Darren was unsure as to which. Karen had Tim’s hand in a deathgrip, and Darren winced with sympathy for the man. He could feel his own palms sweating, wringing them together and the seemingly never ending line of A’s and B’s trudged up to the stage. It was eons before they got to the point of the C’s that Darren felt he had aged almost three years due to the wait. And it would be longer still before he got to actually hold Chris, but once he had crossed that stage, Darren felt he might just pass out from exhaustion, catch a quick nap before they were allowed to exit the stands. 

“Colfer, Christopher Paul!” the announcer rang out, and though he was a mere dot on the stage, all three Colfers and Darren leapt to their feet. Cheering, whooping and clapping, ignoring the side-eyeing they were getting from those around them who merely gave polite applause. Once the next name was called, they all slumped into their seats, tired and eager for the rest of the names to pass quickly. 

Eventually, the ceremony was blissfully over, and then the wait for the mass exodus of the arena began. Darren could feel his panic rising, the sweat gathering on his palms, rolling down his back. Karen must have noticed his pale face, and gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. She figured he was nervous that Chris would not return to Los Angeles, and that their goodbye tomorrow when he left with his parents would be for good. But Karen knew that Christopher had plans to surprise Everett that night by suggesting they live together upon his return. He had confided as much to her during their last phone call.

 _“I know you might think it’s early Mom, but there’s nothing for me in Clovis, and since I have a job in LA the summer, it’s better I stay there. But I want to stay with him...I love him Mom,” Chris said, his voice quiet but sure._

Karen smiled, so happy that her son had found someone who truly cared about him, though she did wonder what would happen once either of them found their soulmates. She was hopeful that at that point, the boys would stay in each other’s lives as the best of friends, as she had grown to adore Everett. She just wished she could tell him that it would all be okay, her motherly instinct to protect this young man railing against her need to keep her own son’s secrets. 

They all finally found one another in a quiet corner near the English building, both Chris and Nadia looking ecstatic but exhausted, clutching mortarboards in their hands, robes open until cameras were pressed upon them. Chris was dressed nicely, light linen pants and a button up shirt, knowing his parents would want a million pictures to show off to his relatives. Nadia was in a funky red sundress, and Darren could spot a cursive ‘J’ poking out under the strap. Chris and he never really discussed soul mates outside of their own match. If Chris knew who Nadia’s match was, he had never said, just like Darren would never speak of knowing who Joey belonged to, as he had only caught a pot induced glimpse of it back in college and could never say for sure what the exact name was. 

Chris’ face broke out in a smile when he saw his family, embracing each of them in turn, while Darren hung back. Chris then began looking for him, and it was only when Darren gave a sheepish smile and wave did Chris even realize it was him. The look on his face was priceless, and he looked like he was holding in a laugh. Darren gave a shrug as to ask if it was a good disguise or not. Chris gave a mirthful smirk and tugged him in for a sweet kiss. “You’re ridiculous and bristly. And you look like you glued your hair on. Thank you so much for doing this. Come on, I want to introduce you to Nads.” he said, pulling him in. 

“Nads, this is my boyfriend. **Be nice**.” The last words almost seethed out, Chris shoving Darren forward who stuck out his hand like a dumbass going in for a job interview while Nadia assessed him cooly. Finally she scooped him up into a firm embrace, clucking about cute he was and no wonder Chris had kept him hidden, because otherwise she would have stole him for herself. She finally let Darren down, a bit winded, but both smiling, a look of understanding passing between them, and acceptance of each other confirmed. 

“Alright, I’ve met your boo, now let’s get the pics over with so I can go track down my familia and then later we partay!” Nadia exclaimed, squishing Chris in close for the first of what was sure to be many many pictures. 

~  
_Osiris and the gods of the Nile. Gathered up a big storm. To blow a hurricane, To scatter us away, In a flood of wind and rain, And a sea of tidal waves, To wash us all away._  
~

Darren waved at the car pulling out of the street, waiting until it was a blip on the horizon before pulling himself away. That was it, Chris was gone back to Clovis. Just for two weeks, he swore. He had as job to start after all, and Darren could freely come up and visit if he wanted. Darren had shrugged non committedly, knowing he probably would not be able to get the time off, taking on extra shifts to be able to go towards the cute little one bedroom he saw in the paper. At least he had gotten the courage to ask Chris that before he left. To which he had gotten a very enthusiastic ‘Yes!’ to. But those three words were still choking him, stuck in his throat. God what was holding him back?

He had sworn he knew they were true, he knew without a doubt that Chris felt the same way. But to even use the word love was becoming increasingly difficult for him now. It was like the word was refusing to come out, afraid of what would happen if it made itself known. It won’t be like last time, this is a true match, Chris would never do to him what that girl did. But still the words wouldn’t come. Was he so broken that he couldn’t tell his boyfriend, his soulmate that he loved him? 

He strode into his room, staring at the undelivered sheet music, the untouched piano. Why had he hesitated in giving his present? He knew Chris would love it, but now it all seemed like it was too late. Maybe he could try again over Skype, having lost the pressure of having Chris judge him in the same room. No...not judge. Chris had frequently said he loved Darren’s songs, loved the ones written for him even more. 

“Argh! What is **wrong** with me?” Darren screamed. 

“You want a general answer or were you shooting for a point by point list?” came a voice from the doorway, and Darren whirled around to see Chuck standing in the doorway. 

Darren nearly slumped into his brother’s arms, though he was sure he had also called him an ass as he did so. “Not that I am unhappy to see you, but what the fuck are you doing here?” Darren asked.

“Came to console you. Mama said you’d be beside yourself with Paul going back to whatever backwards place he’s from for a while.” Chuck responded, dragging them both out to the living room and flopping onto the couch. 

“How did she even know that?” Darren questioned, grabbing two beers from the fridge, and taking a sip.

“Bro, all you talk about is this guy. Like, _all_ the time. Which kind of peeves Mama just a little since she has yet to meet the dude. Which better get fixed before the wedding.” Chuck replied, swigging his beer and making a face at the cheap quality taste. 

Darren just grunted before doing a double take. “Wait...wedding?” 

Chuck smiled “Was wondering if you had caught that. Yeah, Lucy and I are going to tie the knot at the end of the summer. Just a low key thing, immediate families in NYC followed by food and dancing. Wanted to ask her as soon as we bonded honestly, but what can you do. At least this way before we start trying for a family we’ll be legit. So I need us all to meet Paul, as I assume he’ll be your date, and I need you there as my best man.”

Darren sputtered a little, swallowing hard . “Best man?” 

“Well duh. Only have one brother, gotta make him stand for me. Luce is asking her sorority sister, no other wedding party. Not even asking you to rent a monkey suit or give a speech. Just be there for me,” Chuck said, giving him a brotherly punch to the arm. 

Darren was nearly choked up, eyes going misty, trying to cover it all by taking another swig of beer. “Sure thing. Just don’t count on me not making an embarrassing speech.”

Chuck just laughed. 

~~

Chris stifled a yawn as he continued filing all the manuscripts before him. He was halfway through his internship at Anubis Books, and honestly was bored out of his mind. Sure, it was exciting to see all the intricacies of the publishing world, and he was in awe of all the raw talent he got to be surrounded by day in and day out. But he was hoping to get some idea of how books were judged worthy, in between all the coffee fetching, filing and mail room duties. Instead it seemed they were dangling that particular carrot for his last few days. A higher up by the name of Ashley had taken him aside and given him the low down during his first week. 

_“Listen baby gay, I know you’re here as a favour to Stanton. And I know you want that leg up in the whole book world. But you have to work for that. Had an intern when we started out, learned all they could days in and then up and left. Best seller now, with no thanks or acknowledgement or even apology for using us like that. So Cyrus put a stop to that, making sure if you want to use us as an in, you work your perky little ass off first. Capische?”_

_Chris nodded and yelped as she swatted at his ass. “I like you Colfer. You ever get tired of schlepping for O’Neil, you come talk to me and I’ll put you to work in marketing.” She walked away, laughing at the shocked look on his face. Chris was used to more brazen ladies, but this one took the cake. He decided immediately that he adored her for not taking anyone’s shit and ruling like the queen she was._

Since then, Chris had kept his head down, worked hard and counted the minutes until he could go home to Darren. They finally found a small one bedroom that fit their budgets, close enough to both of their jobs. Sure, it was wonderful to share a life and bed with Darren, but it had not been the dream Chris had always envisioned. They squabbled over dishes, since Chris was not allowed to cook ever again after the food poisoning incident. Though Darren was now forbidden from doing anything with the laundry after he nearly flooded the apartment with an overloaded washer. 

It was also a _small_ place, and they were just always in each other’s space. So if Chris wanted to edit but Darren wanted to play piano, there was no real escape inside their home. It had lead to some shorter tempers, some nights where Darren went back to Joey’s to crash on his couch while Chris cried on Nadia’s shoulder in her new place she shared with three roommates. Chris could feel the weight of it all pressing down on him. It was not constant, they still laughed and took advantage of having no roommates popping in to christen every surface (and then thoroughly disinfect _every_ inch twice). But Chris could tell Darren was holding back something. Maybe they **had** moved too fast in moving in together and Darren was just summoning the courage to tell him. 

Chris sighed and slumped down on the floor. He found that being in a real, adult relationship was no fairy tale. That even being with his soulmate, he had to constantly adjust his expectations and imaginings. He still believed in love, in the fact that being with the person you were meant to be with made things better. But being with Darren had opened his eyes to how much work it took to make things okay. He didn’t want to be one of the few soulmate pairs that failed, especially after a rocky patch. So he resolved to fight, to talk things out with Darren and find out what was going on. 

“Hey baby daddy, I know that filing is as dull as toast, but Cyrus is coming, so you may wanna look busy before he gets here,” Ashley said, poking her head into the doorway, giving him a jaunty wave before moving on. Chris immediately leapt to his feet, quickly sorting more files as the footsteps echoing in the hallway got closer. 

Cyrus O’Neil was what many would describe as a silver fox and he knew it. Tall and imposing with steely grey eyes and a head of short salt and pepper hair. Handsome and cocky, having become a fairly successful book publishing magnate just recently as he had previously been working with various publishing houses as an editor before starting his own publishing house. He came into the room and surveyed the pile of files yet to be processed and levelled Chris with a cool look. He gave the pile a slight gesture with his eyes, causing Chris to blush bright red. He could not screw this chance up, he needed to help pay for rent if nothing else, but more than that, he wanted to get his book out there. With no word from any other publisher, Anubis might be the only way to get his hard work out into the world. 

“Colfer,” Cyrus drawled, his look almost lecherous when he appraised Chris, something that always made his skin crawl, but the man had done nothing, making it impossible to go to anyone with his discomfort. “Do you have time to stay late and help me with some mailing? That lazy prick Dominique had to cut out due to some shit excuse involving her wife going into labour.” 

Chris racked his brain with his schedule, knowing Darren was supposed to be off to work just as Chris was off, so they had no plans. What was more, he knew he really had to say yes, even if he despised the thought of spending any time alone with this man if he didn’t have to. 

“No issue sir, just let me finish up here and I’ll be right with you after my lunch break,” Chris said meekly, not even recognizing his own voice. 

“At least _someone_ around here isn’t worthless. I swear, every time I need someone to actually pull their weight around here, I get excuses about spouses and soulmates. Waste of time. Get this done, I want to get the rejection pile out before end of day,” Cyrus barked, turning on his heel, grumbling under his breath as he stomped away. 

Chris let out a relieved breath, dreading the time between now and when he would be blessedly be allowed to leave. He would tarry with the filing, but he knew that wouldn’t turn out well in his favour. He felt his phone buzz with a text, knowing it was Darren, and smiled a little. _Do it for him_ , Chris thought, _He’s worth it._

_Darren: Hey babe, my shift got moved, so I’m gonna have time to come pick you up for once!_

_Chris: Crap, my boss asked me to stay late. :(_

_Darren: Boo. Would you be adverse to me bringing you some lunch on my way from work then? I miss your face, feels like we keep missing one another._

_Chris: God, if you do, I may fall to my knees and weep. Miss you too. You got any time off this weekend?_

_Darren: Yeah, rare weekend off. Date night?_

_Chris: Yes please!_

_Darren: I’ll be by soon with food stuffs then darling. :*_

_Chris: My stomach and I are eagerly awaiting you!_

With the promise of Darren with food, Chris sped through his work, knowing he would have to be quick if he wanted to avoid the wrath of Cyrus. He seemed to frown upon relationships, which made Chris wonder if he had a similar history with soulmates that Darren did. So he knew he was pushing it by having Darren here, but he was allotted an extra lunch break if asked to stay after hours. 

Soon enough a head of riotous curls poked themselves into the room, behind him a smiling Ashley, one hand with thumbs up while the other was pointing at Darren. Chris would have scowled at her but faced with a radiant Darren, he could do nothing but smile. God he loved that man, and the words just wanted to burst out in a big Disney style number, complete with singing villagers and cartoon bluebirds. But he held it back, wanting so desperately for Darren to say it first, to make sure he didn’t break everything they had worked so hard to build. Though right now he wanted to shake Darren’s shoulders as if that would garner a confession of love. But when he flashed that goofy grin, holding aloft a familiar white box, Chris still saw him as that white knight, as the man that all this frustration and changing viewpoint was worth.

“Here you go good sir, beef and broccoli with some spring rolls. And because I like you, I even got you a fortune cookie,” Darren said, giving a mock bow as he offered the food up. 

Chris laughed before faking a swoon then gratefully took the boxes from him. “Thank you so much sweetie. You are the best soulmate ever.” 

As if hearing the word ‘soulmate’ from his office, Cyrus popped into the office, causing Chris to freeze. “Colfer! I am paying you to work, not to get booty calls! Are you finished that damn filing yet?” 

Chris gulped, his eyes widening when he saw the clenched fists and look of anger Darren was sporting. “Yes sir, I am just having my mandatory lunch break and I’ll be right with you.” Chris looked at Darren who still didn’t look very happy, but there was nothing either of them could do. “My soulmate here was dropping off some food on his way to work.”

Darren’s eyes nearly popped out of their skull at that. Usually when they introduced each other, they always said boyfriend. But it was like Chris had something to prove to his boss, he had to validate their relationship to ensure he would not get in more trouble, as if having his soulmate pop in was better than his boyfriend. Though judging by the expression clouding the older man’s face, it did little to assuage his temper. His whole demeanor just made it seem like the room had dropped in temperature, it was so icy. He was gruff, saying, “Well say your goodbyes and be quick about your break, I want to get out of here more than you do, and can’t be waiting on your taking forever in order to do so.” 

Once his boss was gone, Chris nearly sagged in relief. “Sorry about that. He’s an ass, and I do have to help him, so I’d best eat this quick and you should probably skedaddle off before he comes back. Thanks again for the food, you have no idea how much I appreciate it.” He gave Darren a quick peck and shooed him off, wishing he was riding off with him instead of stuck here. 

Chris savoured the delicious food, trying not to inhale it even though he felt rushed to eat so as to get his work done and get gone. He wanted to do something nice for Darren, make it a date weekend. Goodness knew they both deserved it. Maybe he could convince Darren to get out of town for a night, go visit his parents so Chris could finally meet them. Or play tourist and go to Disney for the day, he knew they would both love that. Go on every ride they could manage, get the dorky mouse ear hats, get obnoxious pictures with each and every princess. Yes, that sounded like an excellent plan, and would be worth every penny if it would bring the smile back to Darren’s face. 

He looked at the clock and groaned, his break almost up. With a full stomach that was now queasy at the prospect of being stuck in close proximity with his gruff boss, Chris headed off to the main Anubis offices. He knocked at the door, seeing Mr. O’Neil’s desk piled high with manuscripts, letters, and absolutely no personal effects. The man himself was on the phone, grumbling to whomever was on the other end of the call while he was obviously scanning through something on his computer screen at the same time. He motioned Chris in and indicated for him to take a seat while he finished his call. 

Chris noticed a few stories that he had gotten to flick through on his breaks in the pile and was saddened to see them in the pile of rejections. It also made him nervous. If these talented people weren’t good enough to make it in this industry, what chance did he have? He could almost feel himself spiralling, a rare for him to experience first hand, but almost as soon as it started he could feel a sense of warmth and reassurance from Darren. It was a like a song washing over him, making him feel nurtured and believed in. He was so grateful to have someone like Darren to back him up, that the both of them could be there for each other. To have that support system so connected to him made even the worst days of self doubt better.

Chris decided to make himself useful and began pairing each manuscript with a letter and an already addressed and stamped envelope, feeling terrible about dashing the hopes of all that promising talent. He tried to keep those thoughts out of his mind, hoping that they had other avenues, would seek other outlets to distribute their passion. He knew getting no word was disheartening but could not imagine what getting a letter saying you just weren’t good enough would do to someone. 

Chris noticed that his boss had finished his phone call and was silently observing him as he worked. He motioned for Chris to continue as he began typing absent mindedly while sneaking glances at Chris every so often. Chris shifted uncomfortably at this, knowing Cyrus liked to leer, liked to say the occasional inappropriate comment. But never crossing the line enough to do anything but make Chris feel a slight unease. However, now that they were more or less trapped in a space together, Chris’ skin was crawling. He tried to speed up the process of work, but felt himself fumbling more under the intense stare being levelled at him. 

Chris was nearly finished when a voice broke the silence and startled him. “You know that Stanton sent me your manuscript, don’t you Colfer? It’s cute. Could be something.”

Chris kept his head down, a blush spreading on his cheeks. Even if the man was among his least favourite people, he was still a publisher, and having him like his work was still flattering. “Thank you sir.” 

“You probably also know that Stanton has a bet going for his word to get you to the top first. I’m not the type to pull favors like that. I’ll trust his word to get you here but no further.” Cyrus continued. “Plus the man is hilarious when having lost a bet.”

“Nor would I want you to sir. I want to get published on my own merits, not because you feel you owe it to someone,” Chris stated, voice adamant. 

Chris suddenly found his hands grabbed, not even noticing that his boss had come around the other side of the desk. “Good to hear. A leg up is always good in this industry, gotten some terrible schlock published as well. So if you want to get published, your work has to be honest enough to **earn** it.” 

Chris tried not to squirm as the grip on his hands tightened. “I would hope that my work would speak for itself, and that would be good enough.” He tried to extract his hands, almost struggling, and it only caused Cyrus’ grip to squeeze before letting go, one hand falling to his thigh as he let out a laugh. 

“You’re a character Chris, I like your gumption, if you’ll excuse the phrase. But I gotta tell you, you might not get far if you have... _baggage_ attached.” Cyrus continued, his hand creeping up Chris’ thigh, holding tight and making it hard for Chris to dislodge him. Chris gave him a questioning look at that, scowling at being touched. “I mean, if you’re soulmates with a nobody, no one will take your book seriously. Soulmates are always a waste of time, take away from the craft, drain your time and concentration. You’d be better off with something more casual, nothing and nobody tying you down.” 

Chris got indignant at that. “Being with Darren has given me more inspiration, more support, more confidence. Without him encouraging me, without his love, the book would be nowhere near as good as it is.” With that, he nearly yanked the other man’s hands off his thighs, attempting to rise, but Cyrus caught his wrist. 

“But you’re not bonded to him. Must be something wrong with him that you’re not. I can always tell when mates aren’t bonded. Whole system that makes you tied to another person when we’re meant to be free, all because of a stupid legend about some phony gods. Why adhere to it and him when you should be free to do who and what you want?” Cyrus continued, almost to an invisible congregation than to just an audience of one. He eventually realized where he was and released Chris’ wrist. “What I’m saying is Chris, if you want to get anywhere, let him go. I might be willing to pull a few more strings for you. Think about it. Now get out of here.” With that he pushed Chris away, giving a firm slap on the ass, and Chris could feel the bile rising. He ran for the bathroom and mourned Darren’s sweet gesture being a sacrifice to the sewers as he retched and heaved. 

God, had that man...actually propositioned Chris to get his book published? Even after saying he respected Chris for not wanting favours? Or was it all a line to get Chris to like him, to get him to say yes? As if he would. The thought was enough to have him heaving once more, ill that anyone could have so little respect for another’s relationship, soulmate or not. Chris feebly made his way to the sinks, noting his even more pale than usual face, splashing it with water and rinsing out his mouth as best he could. He was tempted to go back and give Mr. O’Neil a piece of his mind, but he decided he could not spend one more second in this terrible place. He gathered his bag, the only thing of his he cared about, and wrote a simple two word letter, pinning it to his time sheet. With that, he left the building in the dust.


	6. Chapter 6

_That's the pain, Cuts a straight line Down through the heart; We called it love. So we wrapped our arms around each other, Trying to shove ourselves back together. We were making love, Making love._  
~~

Darren was humming as he entered the apartment, a smile on his face. It had been a good night, gotten some pretty decent tips, and his boss had let him go early without docking his pay. He was looking forward to a night of snuggling with Chris and a whole weekend of just them spending time together. Maybe he should have picked up roses on the way home along with the groceries he was carrying in. He was trying to get better at the whole romance thing. Roses seemed like the type of gesture that Chris would like. Or better yet, he could shut his stupid brain up for five seconds and let his heart do the talking. Because Darren was so damn tired of doubting that those stupid three words would go badly. 

When he entered their home though, all the lights were off, which was odd. Surely Chris was not still at work? He would have texted if he was going out anywhere, so where the fuck could he be? He immediately started to panic that maybe Chris was hurt somewhere, and he’d never know. They had not changed each other to their primary emergency contact yet, and hospitals usually only let bonded soulmates visit after hours. God, Chris could be hooked up to an IV or lying dead in a ditch, could be...right there on the couch, nursing a healthy sized tumbler of scotch. Which was even weirder than him sitting alone in the dark, as Chris claimed to despise the stuff, usually sticking to a nice liquor with mixer if he wanted to drink, or even a beer every now and then. 

“Chris? Babe? What’s going on?” Darren asked as he flicked on a side table lamp, giving the room a soft glow. He left the bags of food on the floor, nothing perishable was in them anyways, but Chris would always come first regardless.

Chris took a large swig of his glass, letting the silence reign for a bit. “My boss offered to help get my book out there, pretty much said he would publish it,” he finally replied, his voice stoney and flat, not overjoyed like Darren thought it would be.

“That’s great! I knew that someone would swoop in and scoop it up eventually! But I am not getting why we’re not out painting the town and instead are being very morose in our living room,” Darren replied, rubbing a hand on the small of Chris’ back, feeling the tension radiating from there, almost an aura surrounding him.

“There was a condition,” Chris stated, and when Darren gave him expectant eyes, Chris sighed. “He wanted me to...well you can guess that it was a less than savoury task involving him, me and not a whole lot of clothing.” 

Darren was taken aback for a second. He froze his movements and a sense of dread overcame him. Chris would never...he knew the book meant everything, but Chris couldn’t have...Darren could feel himself shaking, his eyes welling up with tears. “Please tell me you didn’t…”

Chris almost looked shocked that Darren could even accuse him of such a thing. “Gods, of course not! I had already told him that I wanted to get it out there on my own merits, but he’s been looking all summer and I guess he decided to make a move. Probably has pulled this shit in the past and had it work for him, thought I would be all talk and no morals. I would never put you through that Dare.”

Darren hugged Chris tightly, both of them trembling in the other’s arms, relief spreading through them. “Gods, what a douche. How did he take it when you smacked him down?” 

Chris snorted. “Didn’t get a chance. Told me to let him know and then I ran out to puke. I was so disgusted.”

Darren shuddered, wishing he had been paying more attention to the vague feeling of unease he had felt earlier the evening. Chris had confessed that he tried not to project his emotions on nights Darren was working, so Darren could not for the life of him remember what had been so important to shrug them off when they came. “What are you going to do? Report him to HR on Monday?”

Chris gulped at that. “I quit,” he whispered.

Darren nearly leapt back at that, looking at Chris with shock. “You quit? I thought you didn’t say anything to him?” 

“Didn’t. Just left a note with my hours and hightailed it out of there. Would be my word against his anyways, no chance that HR would believe me, he’d probably spin it that I offered myself up to him in order to get that deal. I know I should have talked about it with you beforehand, but I couldn’t spend one more second in that place. Shit, I know this is going to make rent harder…” Chris trailed off.

“Screw the rent Chris! I mean, yeah it’ll be tough, but we can make it. I’m more concerned about him screwing you over in the future, spreading rumours, blackballing you from jobs or in getting your book out there. I don’t want you near the prick, but are you sure this is a bridge you want to burn?” Darren responded, wishing he could turn the logical adult off and just comfort his boyfriend. 

Chris just nodded. “Even if he hasn’t come on to me, he said some stuff that made me not want to work with anyone who had such a bleak attitude. He wanted things from me that I could not agree too in order to just get a push in the right direction.”

Darren scoffed. “What the fuck else could he have wanted aside from to screw you?” 

Chris looked away, mumbling something, his whole demeanor looking upset and also...regretful that he had broached the subject in the first place. Darren took hold of his chin and tilted his face so they could see one another. “Tell me what he wanted Chris. Please, it is obviously upsetting you, and I just want to help. So talk to me babe.”

Chris could feel the tears starting to run down his face, and hated the tiny part of him that believed Cyrus had been right. That he wouldn’t get far with Darren. With an unbonded soulmate. He so desperately did not want to burden Darren with his miniscule doubts, but he could tell this would not be let go. He took a deep breath, trying not to sob at how upset this whole thing was making him. “He told me...he told me there must be something wrong with us that we hadn’t bonded yet.”

Darren snorted. “Cuz that’s his business. And it’s not like he was radiating any aura of having a happy bonded soul match, so fuck that shit.” He looked at Chris, sensing there was more to it than just that. No way would that make Chris this upset. “What else?”

Chris knew this was it, and it would **not** go over well. “He said...gods it’s so stupid because I know he’s full of bullshit. He said that I’d never get anywhere with….baggage,” he nearly spat the last word for the vile taste in his mouth that it left there.

Darren near whispered, “I’m the baggage aren’t I?” not even having to look at him to get an answer. 

They both sat in the oppressive silence, until Darren spoke again. “He’s right you know. Your book is going to be in homes worldwide, read in classrooms. All I’ve got to my name are some silly YouTube musicals and a failed acting career. You’d be better off with with someone who is actually worth something, who will turn out to be somebody.”

Chris grabbed Darren’s shoulders, making sure they were looking each other in the eye. “You listen to me Darren Everett Criss. Your music deserves to be played on every damn radio station. Your name should be up in lights. And one day, I hope I get to be there when you sell out Madison Square Gardens for your first concert or backstage when you take Broadway by storm. Or even walk the red carpet with you when you accept the numerous awards I am sure we will have to make room on our mantlepiece for. So don’t you dare pull that worthless crap with me. I believe in you so damn much and no book, no fame, nothing is worth giving you up.”

Darren could feel the warmth exploding all over his body, not knowing if it was Chris sending it to him or his own natural reaction at someone having that much faith in him. “But why Chris? Why would you turn down everything you have ever wanted, something you have been working at for years...all for me?”

Chris levelled him a glare before softening to a look of pure adoration. “Because I love you, dummy.” 

Chris looked almost shocked by the fact that the words had finally come out of his mouth. But Darren? He felt like he could have been knocked over with a feather. He had always suspected that Chris had loved him, but to actually hear the words? That was what pure happiness had to feel like. Then he noticed that Chris was giving him an almost expectant look, and Darren finally just punched his brain into submission. “I love you too. So, so much.” 

“Gods we are such idiots.” Chris laughed as he said it, Darren joining him, too much snickering and giggling going on to really agree. They would seemingly get a hold of themselves before busting out again, loud guffaws, unattractive chortles and just deeply satisfying belly laughs erupting throughout the room. 

Chris seemed to finally get a grip on himself and gave Darren a small slap across his arm. “What the fuck took you so long you jerk? I was terrified to tell you thinking it would scare you away!”

Darren jokingly rubbed the spot he had been hurt before replying, “I was worried that the bond was creating feelings that weren’t really there. It’s stupid I know. Then it was my stupid brain wanting to protect my even stupider heart so every time I tried to tell you, the words would stick. I wanted to make sure it would be love between Darren and Chris, not just because we’re soulmates.” 

Chris sent him one of his very infamous looks at that. “Darren, you know that’s not how it works. But you are my soul mate. AND my boyfriend. I would love you either way. I am just so happy that you get to be both, because I am not sure I would ever want anyone else, even if we **weren’t** meant for each other. So suck it up, you’re stuck with me now.” 

Darren let out a watery giggle before tugging Chris into a hug, pushing them back onto the couch, laughing and kissing and continuously saying those three little words they had been longing to utter for months. Eventually they were just lying there, staring into each other’s eyes, smiles bright enough to light up the dim room. Darren nuzzled Chris’ nose with his own, their foreheads resting together as they just absorbed everything that had happened tonight. “So what happens now?” he whispered into Chris’ skin.

A peck that turned into a smouldering kiss was all the answer either man needed. They had been waiting for ages to really be together, what better time than now? Each of them were sure, and both just radiated the love they felt for one another. Wordlessly, they got up from the couch, going towards their bedroom, never letting go of each other’s hands. There was a low simmering heat burning in their veins, but they ignored it for now. There was a reverence when they disrobed, a sensual air as they lay on the bed, simply holding one another, absorbing the sureness in the other’s gaze. 

“Are we supposed to say something?” Darren asked, finally breaking the silence that had been reigning since they left the couch. 

Chris looked puzzled. “I’ve never heard as much, but maybe we should? Did you like, have something planned?” 

Darren shook his head at that. “I just know I love you, and I can’t wait to be bonded with you. Because I know it doesn’t mean we’re one, just that we are.”

Chris chortled at the cheesiness of that statement but simply replied that he loved Darren as well. “Should we just use the bonding ceremony vows? I mean, this was never covered in school.”

Darren smiled and they fixed themselves so they were facing each other on their knees, hands intertwined. “Can I start?” Chris nodded with a watery smile. “Okay, so I may fuck this up, but I, Darren Everett Criss take you, Christopher Paul Colfer as my soulmate. From now until eternity. No matter what storms we face, should the gods try to cut us down again. You are mine, as I am yours. Come what may. And...I love you.” 

Chris was full on crying by this time, sure this day would never come. He had been waiting for years to have a soulmate, to bond with them. And now, he got Darren, who also had tears streaming down his face, which was still bursting with a smile. He quickly repeated the vows, adding his own I love you. They both felt the warmth start in their middles, around their navels, the fabled place the original pairs had been sewn up. It travelled upwards, until it painted a faint eternity symbol above the names, still a dull gray. To turn it the proper red colour they could either sign a document; something usually reserved for platonic mates...or could ‘put themselves back together’ through an act of love. By the lust pulsing in their veins, it was fairly obvious which route they would choose. 

However, they did not rush to consummate their bond, staying slow, cherishing every second. Wordlessly communicating, as not to break the wonder of this moment, every kiss and caress was drawn out, every inch of skin touched and showered with love. Gentle fingers still felt like they left burning marks, like they were covered in each other’s fingerprints, bruised and scratched and uncaring if the whole world could see. Together they were slowly building the aura that all could sense, knowing they had bonded and belonged to one another. It was overwhelming in the best way possible. 

The moon was shining in through their thin blinds, highlighting Darren laid out on the bed, picking up the shine in his curls, making his eyes seem more golden than normal. Chris lay above him, almost reflecting the moon’s light, an ethereal glow about him, his eyes dark as he surveyed the man offering himself up, almost sacrificial in a way. Chris began to worship him, raining down kisses while he grabbed the lube in an unspoken question. Darren’s eyes were melted caramel, amber whisky and a touch of springtime sunshine when he smiled, pushing the lube into Chris’ palm, shushing him with a finger as if to prevent the millionth utterance of ‘Are you sure?’

Chris shimmied down the bed, his tongue carving a tortuous path until Darren could feel breath hitting his groin. Chris trailed his mouth along the path of his hips, nipping here and there, never enough to mark, just enough to possess. He licked and suckled at the head of Darren’s cock, tasting the tears it had started to weep, while coating his fingers in gel. That first touch at Darren’s entrance caused them both to pause, reflecting on the fact that yes, they were really doing this. Chris’ fingers were gentle and slow as they entered him, one at a time, stretching and scissoring, feather light touches to his prostate that Darren thought would drive him mad. He could feel himself panting, chest heaving and the sweat pouring off of him in buckets, heart pounding as every muscle started to tighten while his pleasure rocketed towards it’s climax.

“Chris...Chris please,.” Darren begged, his fingers clenching the bedsheets in a white knuckled grip, his eyes pleading. 

Chris finally seemed to take mercy on them both, and removed his fingers from Darren’s pulsing hole. He lathered himself in lube, so glad that they were both clean so this would be the most intimate way to bond. He was going to ask Darren one last time if he was sure...not just for the sex, but really to take that final step in their relationship, but one look at Darren’s face gave him the answer he needed. Darren looked so serene, so sure of everything. He had hiked his legs up to his chest, glistening with sweat and just had the biggest smile on his face. Chris shimmied forward, and started entering Darren at a snail’s pace, terrified he would hurt him. 

Darren for his part was vaguely aware he was being stretched, a mild burn, but the euphoria of finally having Chris overwhelmed all that. He contracted his muscles a few times and then tried to relax them all, knowing being tense would only make the pain intensify. After what seemed like an eternity, they were flush together, Chris in as far as he could go, both breathing rapidly, frozen as they adjusted to the feeling of finally taking this step. Chris raised one hand to lovingly caress Darren’s cheek while Darren looped his arms and legs around Chris. “Love you,” he whimpered, taking in their swirling emotions, not sure whose pleasure he was experiencing, trapped as he was in a whirlwind of feeling. Their connection had never been this intense, but it was as if it could sense they needed that extra level of being together. 

“Love you too,” Chris panted into the skin of Darren’s neck where he had nuzzled his face, inhaling the scent of his soulmate, something tangy and warm that drove him mad. He gave his hips an experimental thrust, causing them both to gasp. With a quick look to Darren ensuring it was a good sound, Chris began a punishing tempo, all tenderness from earlier in the evening dropping away. He kept one arm balancing him on the bed, but the other made it’s way up to tug Darren’s sweaty curls away from his eyes. That caused an obscenely loud moan, and Chris gave a wicked grin at this. He had forgotten how much Darren was into hair pulling now that Chris proved he could be gentle about it and gave another sharp tug with every meeting of their bodies.

Darren could not stop the sounds that were escaping from his mouth, as if the hair on his head was directly linked to his pleasure, and every pull caused it to build. In between loud gasps and moans he could also hear himself letting out expletives, cries to the gods and Chris’ name. Always Chris’ name. His nails were marking out a tapestry on Chris’ back, his heels digging in, sure to leave bruises while Chris’ hips were causing bruises of their own to bloom along his ass. The ecstasy was thrumming through him, already getting close to completion, but he needed more to finally reach that threshold. 

“More,” he gasped out, wishing he could articulate better, but as of right now he was reduced to monosyllabic begging. 

“More what, sweetie? You want it harder? Faster?” Chris teased, his breath coming out harshly as his hips continued going whip fast, his hands abandoning Darren’s curls to work between them in order to start jerking Darren off. “Or do you just need this?”

Darren could not even make words work, just continuing to gasp out his happiness at how right everything felt. It was then that Chris shifted, his angle changing ever so slightly that Darren all but screamed his name. There it was, the more he needed, the orgasm racing down the tracks, coming from the glorious friction he was receiving both against his prostate and against his cock. He tried to hold onto the glorious feeling, but his body was having none of it. He clutched at Chris’ shoulders, uttered that he was “Close...so close...gods I’m there, please baby, just come.” 

Then it hit. Sparks radiating from within, bursting into fireworks and explosions as the orgasm burst forth from him, surging from within him, covering them both in cum as he felt his body wracked with the overwhelming pleasure. He was sure he was screaming loud enough for the neighbours to hear them but couldn’t give as flying fuck as Chris’ voice joined in, his own orgasm cresting, filling Darren, both of them shaking, eeking out the last vestiges of this that they could. As they finally slumped together, they smiled at one another, tracing over the now red infinity marks. 

“...That...was...awesome” Darren said, still trying to catch his breath, his voice almost hoarse from how vocal he had been. Chris just grunted in reply, neither in much of a hurry to separate and clean up. 

Chris finally moved himself up and slowly extracted himself from Darren, both of them wincing slightly. “No regrets?” he asked as they wiped themselves down. 

“Just love,” came the cheeky reply, which resulted in laughter and a pillow to the face. 

~~

The next morning found them cuddled around one another, limbs indistinguishable, and marks shining bright as the sun filtered through the window. Chris was the first to wake, blinking for a few seconds before smiling at the mop of curls resting right over his mark. They had really done it. Darren was his for all eternity, and he was also Darren’s. Chris squeezed the man just a tad tighter, unable to hold back his happiness. It was then that he heard the distinctive buzz of Darren’s cell, and groped for it on the nightstand. 

_Chuck: Hey best man, wedding is in just a few weeks, put you and Paul up in a room since the parental units will probably take over our place. You had best come a few days early so your boyfriend meeting Ma and Pa does not overshadow me marrying my soulmate. Love ya bro._

Crap. The wedding. Chris had completely forgotten about it. Darren had mentioned it offhand back when they first started living together, but had not told Chris he had to come, since it was unsure if he could get the time off work. But now they were a bonded pair, everyone would be able to tell and would wonder what happened to ‘Paul’. Plus his parents would know the second they saw him for their weekly Skype call that night. Chris shuddered to think what would happen when everyone found out the truth. He prayed that no one would outright hate them for lying, and that Darren would not take their reactions too seriously or too hardly. He knew that the man would try to take the brunt of the blame, and it would only send him into a downward spiral. What were they going to do? 

“You’re thinking too loud,” Darren mumbled, his voice scratchy as he smacked his lips together, smiling before he noticed the panic in Chris’ eyes. “What’s going on babe?” 

Wordlessly, Chris handed him the phone, seeing Darren’s face pale as he realized the situation. “Well so much for _that_ afterglow.” He sat up in bed, running his fingers through his hair, a slightly disgusted look coming onto his face as he felt the remnants of all the sweating he had done last night. “Okay, this is going to suck. So I suggest that before we do anything we shower, eat and **then** come up with a game plan.” 

An hour later found both men sitting on their couch, hands held together as they tried to decide what to do. Darren was arguing that he would take all the blame, since it was his issues that caused the lying in the first place. “No way Dare,” Chris retorted. “I didn’t have to go along with it. I could have told my parents your real name, could have not ingratiated myself into your home and life with Joey as much as I did. So we face this together, united front and all that. Plus your parents have never met me, so that might make it easier to explain ‘Paul’ away.” 

Darren shook his head vehemently at that. “No way. They know the very basics of what happened before. They will probably get it, even if they won’t be the happiest about me lying. It’s your parents who will probably not get it. I don’t want to damage your relationship with them because I couldn’t handle the whole soul mate thing.” 

“They will be your parents too, one day. I mean, I hope they will. We don’t ever have to get married, I know a lot of soul mates don’t. But they will think of you as another son when they find out. They love you now Darren, they’ll love you even more when we tell them. Mom was even lamenting the fact that we weren’t soulmates the other day according to Hannah. So we’ll get them to hear us out. It will be okay. I promise you. We’ll tell them tonight, and if you want we can go visit your parents on your next few days off to tell them,” Chris said, hugging Darren tight.

“I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you,” Darren whispered into his shoulder. 

“Me either,” Chris replied.

Later that evening, they nervously awaited for the Colfers to pick up their Skype call. They had spent the day torn between revelling in their new connection and worrying about how everyone would take the news. Their parents would be the hardest, they both knew, but they owed it to them to finally come clean. 

Finally, the screen showed Karen, Tim and Hannah squished together on their tiny couch, all smiling at the boys. Chris could feel himself melting, knowing that even if this went badly, nothing could break his family apart for too long. His parents had told all their relatives about Chris being gay, and if they had a problem with it, then they could cut the whole family out of the fold. Chris’ beloved grandma had been the first to back them up, threatening to whoop anyone’s ass who did not show her Christopher the proper respect he was due. 

“Oh hi boys!” Karen exclaimed. “It is so good to see you again! Though...Christopher you look different. You too Everett, sweetie.” 

Both men exchanged a look, knowing their aura probably did not translate over Skype as intended, but it was trying its darndest to make itself known. So now or never, they had to tell the truth. Darren grabbed Chris’ hand, sending all the love he possibly could to give him strength. “Actually Mom...we have something we need to tell you. I need to introduce you properly.” 

Karen looked confused, glancing at Tim to see if he had any idea what their son was going on about. Hannah however, held in a gasp of delight, holding her hands up to her mouth so as to not blurt out what she was sure her brother had to say. 

“Mom, Dad, Han. I would like you to meet my soulmate, Darren. Darren Everett Criss,” Chris stated, his voice never wavering, proud to announce this to his family, even if his insides were screaming with how nervous they were for his family’s reaction.

Hannah could not contain herself any longer and exclaimed “I KNEW IT!” and began doing a little victory dance in her seat, causing both Chris and Darren to laugh a little. 

Tim piped up “Son I am not sure I understand. What do you mean soulmate?” 

Chris faced the screen front on, Darren snuggling into him, trying to look as calm and collected as he could. “Darren here is my soulmate. Always has been, and now, always will be. We bonded last night.” 

They heard a vague ‘Hurray!’ from Hannah, but were far too focused on Chris’ parents to pay her much mind. At least she was taking it well. Karen then interjected, “But sweetie...you told us he was your boyfriend and that his name was Everett. Which I guess was also true. But why didn’t you tell us the whole story?”

“The fault of that is mostly mine, Mrs. Colfer,” Darren said, his voice meek.

“Karen, hun. This whole thing doesn’t change that.” 

“Karen then. At first, we weren’t sure you would accept Chris having a romantic male soul mate. You know how nervous he was to come out to you. But in truth, it was because I wasn’t ready for the world to know I had found him. Don’t get me wrong, I adore your son! But I had a very bad experience in the past with a supposed soul mate, and I didn’t want to get hurt again. So please, if you’re going to blame anyone, blame me,” Darren said, his voice soft and full of regret. 

“Now Ev...Darren, I raised my son to always tell the truth. So you have to know that Christopher never lies unless he feels he really has to. Nor does he do anything he doesn’t want to. So if he felt keeping your real status a secret is what was best, we have to accept it. Bonds are different for each pair, and everyone can be as open or not about it as they so wish. However, we do **not** have to be happy about the lying, and I am sure you’ll both get an earful the next time you come to visit-- which had better be soon by the way son. But we do understand. And in the end, we are so pleased the two of you won’t be separated. That you’re together and bonded,” Tim stated, his voice filled with warmth, Karen nodding next to him while Hannah was still dancing away in the background. 

Chris gave a watery smile before speaking. “I am really sorry that we didn’t tell you the truth. One day I will tell you the whole story, and we can probably laugh about it. We never meant to hurt anyone...but we could have handled it differently. We love you all, and I’ll try to come out as soon as Darren has some time free.” 

Darren nodded. “We still have to tell my parents, so we’ll probably go up to San Fran first, but we can swing by Clovis one way if I can get enough time off.”

Hannah finally stopped her impromptu dance party. “I have an appointment in LA in like two weeks, we’ll just come visit you! I wanna play tourist with my favourite brothers!” 

No one said anything about Hannah acknowledging Darren as her brother, but both boys had bright smiles to balance out their flaming blushes. Darren spoke up first. “Sounds like a plan Squirt. You let me know the dates and I’ll book them off work, then we’ll get a game plan on the go. Sound good?” 

Hannah just squealed, all the adults bursting out into laughter with Chris the loudest of all. Yeah, his family would be fine. 

~~

Monday morning dawned early, and Darren was not eager to greet it. He was a bonded man, he didn’t want to get out of bed to work the lunch shift for the day. They had spent the weekend exploring the possibilities of bonded sex, relishing the shared bliss of joined orgasms that they hoped never faded with time. But his boss had asked him to work the lunch shift today and a few doubles this week, offering another weekend off as an incentive. He also reminded Darren about the leave he was giving him to attend Chuck’s wedding, and with them now being a single income household, he knew he couldn’t say no to shifts. Plus a weekend off would give them a chance to go visit his parents, something he was still dreading. No one lied to Cerina Criss and got away with it, regardless of the reasoning. He still had nightmares about her anger over the whole broken vase debacle. 

But when he looked down at Chris, snuggled into his pillow, breathing softly, he knew it would all be worth it. He had been worth everything he had gone through just to hold this man. All the pain and suffering, all the lies and loss. Chris was worth everything and he didn’t lose himself either. He was still Darren; a bundle of issues, working towards being better, a giant goofball who was hopelessly in love. He placed a gentle kiss on Chris’ brow and got up to shower, noting a missed text on Chris’ phone and figured it was his boss wondering where he was. Pssh, screw that douche, he could keep wondering. 

Chris was awoken by the sound of the shower starting, yawning and stretching, enjoying not having been awoken by his alarm. Speaking of which, he looked at his flashing phone, figuring he had better check it, knowing they would try to get him back since he did technically leave them in the lurch. 

 

_Ashley: Colfer I hope this ‘I quit’ note is a fucking joke and you’re just extremely late due to traffic or some such. O’Neil is gone out of his mind and calling you down to the dirt for not giving notice._

_Chris: Nope, completely serious. That douche told me if I wanted to get anywhere in life I could dump my soul mate or I could ‘get a leg up’ by sleeping with him. I choose option C: quit working for his ass._

_Ashley: Gods not again._

_Chris: ?_

_Ashley: Let’s just say that this is not the first time he has pulled this crap. You’re the first to quit though, most either give in or change departments after HR does shit-all. No one wants to give up a cushy internship despite their boss being a creep._

_Chris: I kind of figured they would be no help. But I don’t think I even want to be in the same building as him, not after he came on to me and bad mouthed Darren like that._

_Ashley: Yeah, I think his soulmate left him or some shit after he refused to keep it in his pants. Wish you would come back though, my offer to snatch you up for marketing is still open. Hell you could work from home if you want._

_Chris: Really? How the hell would I do that?_

_Ashley: Skype calls for meetings, otherwise it’s mostly contacting authors and their agents in terms of how to do tour shit right now. I’d keep it off the books so assface doesn’t know and I’ll sign off on whatever intern papers you need._

_Chris: Ash I don’t know what to say._

_Ashley: Thank you Ashley, you are a wonderful human being and I owe you at least 3 drinks because of your awesomeness._

_Chris: Seriously?_

_Ashley: Damn straight baby daddy. I like you, but mama is going to need some booze in order to recover from this shitstorm._

_Chris: I will so buy you many many drinks, oh hail to you Ashley, Queen of my Universe._

_Ashley: Hell yeah. Alright, you enjoy your day, we’ll get you started tomorrow, and I will be over tonight to get the whole story, kay?_

_Chris: I’ll have a margarita waiting for you._

_Ashley: Bless you._

~~

 

The drive to San Francisco was long, but neither of them could afford the airfare, so road trip it was. They had left as soon as Darren’s lunch shift was done on Friday, hoping to reach the Criss home before it got too dark. “They do know we’re coming right?” Chris had asked for what was surely the hundredth time.

“Yes babe. I made sure they would be home this weekend, told them I was bringing a guest. You can bet they rearranged their plans after that. Though apparently Chuck and Lucy are now visiting as well, because they refuse to meet ‘Paul’ at their own wedding,” Darren said with a slight twinge of annoyance. It was one thing to lie to his parents but Chuck and he were as close as any brothers could be. He knew that out of everyone, he was most nervous to see how Chuck would react. 

“Gods, I understand how you must have felt coming down to Clovis to meet my parents now. For which I am now very sorry that I made you do alone. I hope after the fires calm down that they like me. I mean, I know I’ll like them after hearing your stories, but they don’t know anything about me…” Chris rambled, which he rarely did and Darren found adorable.

“Yeah according to Chuck who heard this from Ma, I never shut up about you. So I am sure that after they get over wanting to kill the both of us, they will adore you. You make their son happy, which is really the most important part,” Darren replied, sending Chris as much of a smile as he could while keeping his eyes on the road. “Would you blast some tunes for me, babe? I need some driving music if we’re gonna be on the road for close to six hours.” 

Chris rummaged through the CD’s until he found a disc with the words ‘For Chris’ written on it in Darren’s distinctive scrawl. “What’s this?” he asked. “Did you make me a fricking mix tape Dare?”

Darren flushed at that, because he had totally been the type to make mix tapes for his grade school girlfriends. “Sorta? I re-recorded a few of your favourites and added a few of my own songs. Plus some new stuff that was going to end up on the eventual new EP. Kind of took a back seat with the StarKid tour prep this spring. I’ll get it done eventually. So this is a rough draft. I had intended to play you some of it around your grad, but you know how my brain screwed me over. So consider this a very late present.” 

Chris cooed before turning the music on and up, laughing when Darren’s voice rang out singing a Scissor Sisters tune, knowing how much Chris adored them. He even sang along, allowing Darren the rare privilege of hearing him. Chris was insecure about how high his voice was, even though Darren had told him what a rare gift he possessed and begged frequently for a chance of them recording a duet together. When the familiar chords of ‘ _Not Alone_ ’ played Chris promptly turned the volume up, allowing the words to wash over him. Even now that they were together, this song still meant so much to him. Maybe even more now that he had that person who was less alone due to him and made him feel the same.

“I want us to dance to this at our wedding,” Darren whispered. 

“Pull over,” Chris demanded.

“Oh crap. No rush Chris, and no promises either. I was just thinking out loud, I have always thought that about this song, even before I knew who you really were. Please don’t freak out,” Darren babbled.

“Darren pull over so I can make out with you,” Chris stated and Darren could hear the tires screech as he did so. Screw being on time, what his man wanted, he got. 

When they came up for air the last track was starting, both of them basking in the backseat of the car. “I wrote this for you. Started it back around Thanksgiving. Seems kind of fitting that you’re only hearing it now.” Darren stated as the [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOlyuv-Ptvk) began to waft through the air in the car. 

Chris had no words, just kissed Darren deeply, pouring every ounce of feeling he could into it, determined to let Darren know just how much he loved it. 

~~

They pulled up to the Criss family home as the sun finally winked out of sight, the light all but gone from the sky, but enough pinkish hues to justify calling it twilight instead of nighttime. They had their hands clutched together, not wanting to exit the car, even though they could see several smiling and expectant faces from the front window. “You sure you want to do this?” Darren inquired. “Say the word and we can turn around. Or well, find a hotel for the night and go home tomorrow.” 

Chris gripped his hand, trying to regulate his breathing, clutching at Darren like a supportive lifeline. “No. I can do this. We have to do this. I just need to remember that and maybe hope your dad is not the shotgun wielding type and I’ll be fine.” 

Darren smirked. “Nah, my dad is not really violent. But if my mom picks up her rolling pin with no dough in sight- **run**.” 

Chris’ wide-eyed face was enough to have him bursting out laughing, Chris eventually giving into the mirth, the tension of the moment finally broken. “Come on asshole, introduce me to your parents before they think we’re getting freaky in their driveway.” 

As soon as they came towards the door Darren was scooped up into a hug by his mother, which was a feat given how tiny she was. “Hello my sweet baby boy. I am so happy to see you!” It was then that she noticed Chris and the look on her face became almost feral. “And who is this? The _kasintahan_? Finally?”

Darren avoided the question by giving his father a quick hug, scowling at an amused looking Chuck who was standing in the hallway. He noticed his mother appraising Chris, giving him a pinch to the cheek, exclaiming about how happy she was to meet ‘Paul’. Chris didn’t know whether to panic or embrace this ball of energy that said so much about Darren. He instead sent a look at Darren signalling that they need to get out of this and fast. 

“Ma. Let him breathe. Come on, let’s sit inside. Or weren’t you the one who was always on about me letting the air conditioning out and the bugs in?” Darren snarked, ushering everyone inside, getting a relieved smile from Chris and a remark from his mother about his cheekiness. He greeted Lucy with a kiss to the cheek and gave Chuck a firm hug, asking about the wedding planning, getting a grimace from him as Lucy lit up at the chance to discuss their upcoming nuptials. Cerina bustled about, sitting everyone down and offering food to everyone, insisting on serving tea and cookies. 

Finally, they were all sat down, Cerina with an almost expectant look on her face, smiling so wide that Chris was afraid he would go blind if he stared at her for too long. Part of him was in awe of this tiny woman, loving her instantly for the sheer force of nature she was. The other half was terrified that she would chase him out of the house when she learned the truth. With the aforementioned rolling pin. Potentially covered in barbed wire.

“So Paul…” Cerina started with a sly tone to her voice. 

“Ma,” Darren said with a look to which she gave an innocent looking smile. “This...this isn’t Paul.” There was an eruption of noise from all there, only Lucy seeming to understand as she gasped and gave them both a questioning look to which Darren nodded, causing her to squeal before muffling her excitement. Thankfully no one noticed her reaction, but Chris was glad at least she was on their side. After a few minutes, everyone was quiet, as if waiting for Darren to explain.

“Thank you. Now as I was saying, this isn’t Paul, my boyfriend. This is my soulmate...Christopher _Paul_ Colfer. I mean, he is my boyfriend, has been for months. But last week...we decided it was time to make us more. And well…” Darren finished off, a blush painting his face, smiling at Chris with an adoring look on his face. 

“Oh my goodness you bonded!” Cerina exclaimed. At first she looked overjoyed, but then the realization of everything Darren had said fell upon her. “So wait, let me get this whole story straight. You met Paul...I mean Chris here, and I am guessing you figured out you were meant to be. Yet you told us all he was someone else, lied to everyone for months, and are just NOW telling me the truth once you’ve bonded? Am I getting this right Darren?” 

Darren had the grace to look sheepish as he whimpered, “Yes, Mama.” 

Bill could see the anger building in his wife, he laid a hand on her arm in an attempt to calm her, and though he too was deeply hurt, could also see how ashamed his son was. “I assume the reasoning behind this was to do with that nasty piece of work you dated a few years ago that shall not be named?” 

Darren nodded. “I know that it was stupid, but you got so excited last time, and I didn’t want to get hurt again. So we kept it to ourselves until we were sure. And ready to share us with the world. I am really really sorry.” Chris rubbed him across his back lovingly, placing a small kiss to his curls, sending him strength and love. 

“Christopher...Chris. Would you mind giving us a moment alone with Darren?” Cerina asked, her voice scary for how calm it was. Chris gave a swift nod and headed for the kitchen. “Charles, you and Lucy too. Play nice.” 

Once they were in the kitchen, Chris could hear vague yelling in a mix of English and a language he didn’t recognize. Lucy busied herself with putting away the supper dishes while Chuck looked at the closed door with a wince. “Oh, he’s getting it now. Mom usually only breaks into Tagalog when she is really really pissed. Like an odd word here or there is normal, but when she is speaking it more than English, you are in **deep shit**.”

Chris knew he would make things worse if he went out there, but he tried sending as much emotional support as he could, feeling the shame and guilt wafting off Darren in droves. “I shouldn’t have left him alone in there. Not to take all the blame. He already feels so guilty, and that just makes it all worse,” muttered Chris, wishing he could make out a phrase or word from the noise, but getting gently pulled away from the door by Chuck.

He sat them both down at the kitchen table, handing Chris the mug of tea he had the sense of mind to grab. “I know that bitch fucked my brother up, and I trust you won’t do the same. But it sounds a lot worse than I ever thought it was. What the **hell** happened? And don’t give me some bullshit about it not being your place.”

At times like this, Chris wished that the soulmate bond also gave him the power of telepathy. But he knew that for everyone to understand, the whole truth had to come out, no matter how painful it was. He was sure Darren was giving his parents a censored version at this very moment in order to justify their deception. So Chris proceeded to tell Chuck all the details that he knew, how Christine belittled and warped Darren, how she cheated on him and made him feel worthless. How Darren never fully recovered from having his trust and heart broken in such a way. How much the degradation that woman put him through haunted him to this day. The progress he had made due to therapy and actually finding Chris, though he downplayed his own impact, feeling that Darren deserved to be acknowledged for the work he had done and how far he had come. 

Chuck sat there, shocked and a little angry that Darren had not divulged all this to him, and even more murderous towards the woman that dared treat anyone so vilely as she had done to his brother. But most of all he felt just sad that Darren had to go through all that virtually alone, then was left practically broken; to pick his pieces up, still struggling to hold onto them all when he met Chris. But he could see one thing; Chris _loved_ Darren, was fiercely protective of him, and was making sure Darren know that he did not deserve even one iota of what had happened to him. And from how Darren had talked about ‘Paul’ in the past few months, Chuck could see the feeling was mutual. He got up and gripped Chris in a strong hug, whispering his thanks into his hair before extracting himself to go do the same with his baby brother. 

When Chuck walked out into the family room, he saw his parents and Darren in a huddle, Bill holding tight as if to protect Darren from the world. Cerina was murmuring quietly while running her fingers through his hair, giving him a gentle back rub. For his part, Darren was sobbing, continuously whispering that he was sorry. Chuck nearly leapt into the pile of comfort, talking quietly to Darren, letting him know how much none of this was his fault, how sorry he was for not being there for his brother. That none of them were mad, none of them blamed him. Over and over that it was okay, that Darren deserved every good thing in the world, and he had found it in Chris. 

“Chris,” Darren almost whined. “Where are you?” 

“Right here sweetheart,” Chris answered as he and Lucy came into the room, helping their respective partners up from the ground once the Criss’s were both sat down. Cerina wiping her eyes, Bill looking like he was using every resource not to burst out into tears himself. They all found their seats once more, everyone unsure of how to go on, Darren looking almost uncomfortable about the scene he had just caused. Chris gave him a small kiss to the forehead once more, quietly telling him how proud he was for being brave enough to do this. How happy he was to be with him, and jokingly claimed ‘not it’ for telling Joey, causing a weak, blubbery laugh. 

“So Paul...sorry Chris. I will get it right I promise you.” Cerina started, giggling a little at her mistake with a fake scowl on her face. 

“It’s okay Mrs. Criss,” Chris assured her. 

“Mom. I insist. I also want to know all about the man who has made my son so very happy,” Cerina said, leading to a night full of stories, baby pictures and for the first time in hours, a smiling Darren.


	7. Chapter 7

Though both boys had been a rush to tell their parents the truth of the situation, neither was jumping at the chance to inform their friends. Darren had the valid excuse of Joey not being in LA any longer, as he was touring around the country with the StarKid team, then settling in Chicago for some theatre work. It had been a tearful goodbye, though Joey had threatened to crash on their couch any time he had to come back to LA. Chris didn’t have quite as good an excuse for Nadia aside from conflicting work schedules and her most recent boytoy taking up her precious free time. So the boys luxuriated in the quiet, peaceful alone time they could have, blissfully enjoying all the ways they could bond without disturbing roommates, and hoping their neighbours had as good soundproofing as they did. 

It was one such afternoon that the world came crashing in on them. Chris had his knees bent up around his ears, Darren gripping the headboard bars as they slammed repeatedly against the wall. Their moans and shouts drowned out all other sound, nothing was more important than each other in that moment as their mutual lust and euphoria swirled around them. So it was not surprising that they did not hear the front door open or Joey calling out to them. Thankfully he did hear them, and had the presence of mind **not** to open the bedroom door. He had done that once at the old place, and saw far too much of a naked Darren than he ever wanted to see again. Sure college was fun and full of exploration, but they were bros now. 

Joey tried turning on the TV to block some of the noise, knowing the boys would be too caught up in what they were doing to notice him, especially if they had stopped when he had pounded on the door or called out. But even with a loud action movie on, he could still hear a creaking bed frame, huffing breaths and a keening whine that signalled it was about to get very loud in the apartment. One thing he had learned about while living with these two was that they were vocal, and Paul was a bit of a screamer. It was then that a voice cut in, letting out a very loud shout to various deities and numerous expletives. But what Joey heard next froze him; it was Darren chanting a name. But it wasn’t any deity, or even the name of the man Joey had assumed was in the room. It was ‘Chris’. 

Oh god Joey thought, dreading what he would find if he did indeed peek behind the door. Would he find Darren having crawl back to that...bitch? Would he find some nameless boy who Darren was roleplaying with? Or would he find a devastated Paul who had just been used as a substitute for Darren’s soulmate? Joey crossed his fingers for option two, which would hopefully lead to an explanation of why Paul was no longer in the picture, because above all, Darren would _not_ cheat on someone, not after it messed him up the first time. He recalled the nights staying up with him, worrying that Christine would say Darren was the perpetrator in her ‘affair’ and not that she had been cheating on him, with her soulmate or not. The law would always take the bonded couple’s side in situations such as these. 

Joey could then hear voices, soft and low through the door, and he muted the volume in order to hear what they were saying. “Love you so much,” came Darren’s voice, and Joey could feel his heart in his throat. Maybe Paul had consented to the roleplay? Pretend bonding was a teenaged kink, but why the heck not? 

“Love you too Dare,” came Paul’s voice, sounding sincere, and that confirmed Joey’s suspicions. He would probably still grill them on how dangerous their little game was if they wanted to avoid comparisons once their real mates came along, but he wasn’t one to judge what people did in the privacy of their own homes. He then heard more squeaking of bedsprings and the sound of a shower starting, so he flipped himself back onto the couch to catch the rest of his movie while the boys cleaned. He also prayed they didn’t decide to go for round two in the shower. They tended to get super loud when they did that, and Joey was already regretting letting himself in. 

Eventually Darren emerged in a plume of steam, rubbing a towel over his wet curls, sweat pants slung long on his hips, making his way out to the kitchen while Chris finished up in the bathroom. He froze however, when he saw Joey on the couch sporting a slightly judgemental look. “Hey bud,” he said with an audible gulp, flinging the towel over his shoulder “Didn’t know you were back in sunny Cali.” 

Joey was about the reply when Chris entered the room, slightly damp and still shirtless, wrapping his arms around Darren’s waist in a loving hug before he noticed their company. “Joey!” he exclaimed, rushing around to grab the other man into a hug. “You have to tell me all the stories from the tour. Darren told me some, and Lauren has been keeping me up to date, but I want more! Ooh and tell me about Chicago!” As Chris happily went on, Joey had to smile slightly, loving how big of a Star Kid fanboy Paul was. But then he glanced down and noticed something he had never seen before. Paul’s soulmark-a bright red eternity sign above an equally red scrawled ‘Darren’ which Joey knew very very well. He look at Darren, an accusatory look in his eyes, and Darren dropped the towel, showing the mark people only received when they bonded. 

“Your name isn’t Paul is it?” Joey quietly said, cutting Chris off, his tone deadly serious. “You’re Chris. And Dare’s soulmate. And you bonded.” 

Both men had the sense to look sheepish, Darren looking almost morose that his friend seemed to be having the worst reaction to it. But if Joey had known the truth, would he have even let Darren date Chris? He had been the one to get Darren through the disaster that was Christine, had become overprotective of him in the process. Would he automatically have trusted Chris to be different? Or would things have gone better, gotten Darren’s head out of his ass faster if Joey knew he was so hung up on his soulmate? Practical questions, but pointless to dwell upon. He had already lived so much of his life in regret, there was no point on spending his life regretting choices he didn’t make and chances he didn’t take. 

“Yes, this is Chris, my soulmate. We’re very happy to be together and bonded. Yes, I know I did a shit thing in lying to you, but after everything, can you blame me for not wanting to jump the gun and announce it to the world right away? You can feel free to hate me, or hit me or never speak to me again, and I will understand. It would suck, but it would be no less than I deserve for doing that to you. But I hope in time you will come to forgive me and understand why we did what we did.” Darren replied, voice and stance firm.

“Was anything about your relationship true?” Joey remarked, his tone seething with rage. 

“Everything but the names and our true status was real Joey. And you know it was no one’s business but ours about our soul match. We both hated lying to you, but it’s too late now to undo it.” Chris said, rubbing Darren’s back in a soothing manner, feeling him start to sag.

Joey turned towards the door, ready to storm out “I don’t think I can stay here tonight. I think I need time to process this.” He was almost at the door when it swung open wide, revealing a gorgeous woman that had Joey’s heart pounding in his chest.

“Colfer! I am here to steal you away for bff time! Get your pasty ass ready and...why is Darren Criss standing in your apartment half naked?” Nadia exclaimed, looking questioningly at Darren, then noting the bright red ‘Chris’ on his chest. “Boy do you have explaining to do.” It was then that she noticed Joey and did a double take as he gave her his infamous crooked smile. “...And some introductions to make.”

“Nadia, this is Joey, Darren’s best friend. Joey-- Nadia, my bff. And yes Nads, this is Darren Criss. He’s my soulmate. He’s also Everett, my boyfriend. I will explain.” Chris said, but by the glazed look in her eye, he doubted she heard anything after the name Joey. “Huh,” he said, exiting the room, pulling Darren with him in order to find shirts. “I think you had better put some coffee on babe, I am pretty sure this is going to be a long day. Also, we really need to start locking our door.” 

~  
_But I could swear by your expression That the pain down in your soul Was the same as the one down in mine._  
~

Weeks passed, and eventually, both Joey and Nadia forgave them for their falsehoods, but Chris suspected it was more so because they were just so happy to have found one another than actually holding any grudge over the whole issue. They had both spent time with their friends, both as a couple and one on one. Nadia had gotten it right away, revealing that her own parents had done something similar, though it was due to some race and class issues and parents who did not approve of their match. Joey had taken it a bit harder, and Darren never revealed what had happened during their conversation, but Joey seemed to have grudgingly come around and held no true ire towards either of them. 

Though Chris knew all was forgiven when he asked about what it felt like not to have matching eyes anymore and laughed as they both rushed to the mirror to confirm the fact. Also wondering how no one else had caught onto the fact that Darren’s eyes were now both a golden hazel while Chris sported a pair of glasz eyes. “I’m going to miss having us be such a part of each other,” Chris had remarked, to which Darren responded with a sweet kiss. 

Chris was currently finishing up his weekly report to Ashley while waiting for Darren to come home from his latest audition. They were heading off to New York the next morning for Chuck’s wedding the following week, so Darren had taken time off work, but he had also landed an audition for an indie movie that he could not pass up. His acting career had taken a bit of a backseat in the past few months, trying to concentrate on his day job and getting somewhere with his album but not getting very far. Chris could tell he was getting frustrated and down about the whole thing. He had texted Chuck to see about them having a bros day while they were in NYC, see if any of his connections might get Darren exposed to the right people in a way that his restaurant was supposed to and had just not panned out. 

Not that Chris was faring much better, as his internship would soon be over and as much as Ashley would like to, she couldn’t keep him on after the summer. She had ensured his name was not mud in the publishing world, but none of Dr. Harris’ contacts had come through yet, so his book was in a bit of a limbo at the moment. He had sent his manuscript into several New York publishing houses, and was hoping to have heard from one of them before they left, but to no avail. He supposed it would mean a waiter or barista job soon, but until he was unemployed, he would keep plugging away at getting his book out there. Only then would he even consider giving up his dream to search out a dreary 9-5 job that would keep a roof over his head. 

This was the part of adulthood that Chris was quickly learning to hate; dreams take a backseat to reality and sometimes die so that you can live. Sometimes love didn’t make everything better, and your soulmate isn’t the one who saves you. But he was learning to adjust, to settle for smaller dreams, and in the end, an even happier love life. Fairy tales were great and all, but his was nowhere near over now that they had shared true love. Sure there were days when he longed for huge romantic gestures, but he was also sure there were days that Darren thought he regretted their bonding, convinced he wasn’t enough. But they were honest with each other, so Darren tried to surprise Chris every so often with little tokens. And Chris was a constant source of reassurance, making sure Darren knew _he_ was loved, not some vague long dead fantasy. That Chris had never been happier with who his soul mate and love of his life turned out to be, and that if he wanted to go back to therapy more than once a month, he could. 

That night they lay in bed, discussing how the audition went. “Promising, but they won’t be able to let me know until they get through the rest of the guys and see how the chemistry test goes. Thankfully we will have the wedding to distract me from worrying too much.”

Chris worried his lip with his teeth, and when Darren tapped his chin to get whatever thought was bothering him out he all but blurted, “Do you want to get married?”

Darren was sure his eyes were comically bugging out. “Right now?” 

Chris stuck his tongue out a little. “No smart ass, but maybe one day? Is that a thing you might want one day?”

Darren thought about it for a second. In the past, he automatically would have jumped to say yes. “I don’t think it’s something we need? I mean, nothing about us will change, and it’s becoming so rare for soul mates to get married. I mean, neither of us would want to do it just to please the gods or anything. But if in a few years you wanted to do something small like Chuck is doing, I could be okay with that. Or if you never want to get married, I’m not going to regret that either. As long as we’re together, no piece of paper gained through ceremony will matter that much either way.”

Chris melted a little at that, as marriage had been a thing he had always wanted, but now, with Darren, he knew was not a necessity in life. “I’d like to get married, yes. Just to have the ceremony celebrating our love that we’ve always been denied. But I can wait until you’re ready to ask, and it had better be an epic proposal mister.” 

Darren laughed and vowed to blow Chris’ expectations out of the water. Being married to the man across from him? Yeah, he could live with that. 

~~

_Dear Mr. Colfer,_

_We are so pleased to receive your submission. Little Brown Books would like to request a meeting in order to discuss publishing your novel; The Land of Stories: The Wishing Spell. Please contact us at your earliest convenience in order to schedule this meeting._

_Sincerely,_  
_Kala Narine_

Chris didn’t hear his phone give off an email alert, as he was snuggled in Darren’s arms while they swayed to music in the small hall that Chuck and Lucy had rented out for their reception. It had been a lovely wedding, full of laughter and music followed by a delicious meal and now some dances before the couple went off for a small honeymoon. Darren had, of course, given an embarrassing speech, for which Chuck had vowed revenge when it was his turn. Darren had retorted he was totally making Joey his best man should the time ever come. Cerina just cackled at her son’s foolishness and hushed them both with an embarrassing story of her own. Chris just cooed at Darren’s red face and whispered a promise of wild hotel sex later that evening to make up for laughing. 

“So how many years is a few?” Darren questioned, his face buried in Chris’ neck while Chris smiled into his curls. 

“Two or three. Ask me then. You know what my answer will be.” Chris teased, “Unless I ask you first.” 

“No way. You have been aching for that big epic proposal all your life. No way would you deny me the chance to make a fool of myself making that dream come true. But you know what I would say if you asked me regardless,” Darren replied, kissing Chris lightly, letting the music carry them away into the night. 

The next morning was a lazy one, having nothing to do but luxuriate in sheets that were not their own, enjoy a breakfast from room service and potentially do some sight seeing, as they had few precious days left. No alarms or obligations, nothing to do except enjoy themselves, vowing that they need to try again for a vacation since they had never gotten further than the bedroom during Spring Break. 

Chris was mindlessly looking through his phone while Darren was in the bathroom, and upon seeing the email from Little Brown, he screamed in pure joy. Darren burst into the room, hands still wet, face looking alarmed. “My book! They want to meet and talk about my book!”

What followed was an epic bout of jumping, squealing and a shaky Chris attempting to respond to the email, hoping that they could fit him in before they left New York. Now too nervous to stay still, they decided to go for a walk in Central Park, enjoy the last vestiges of summer and their time away while they awaited the future. Chris was smiling bright, enjoying the sunshine and glorious greenery of the park, sprawled out on a bench next to Strawberry Fields. Darren had decided to be _that_ guy and was strumming some Beatles and Lennon tunes, starting a sing along and earning the ire of a few local buskers for taking their spot. 

“I love it here, you know. It’s only been a few days, but I already want to come back here as much as possible. Explore every borough, find all the hidden best spots. Live on Gray’s Papaya and Junior’s cheesecake,” Chris sighed, enjoying how the sun dappled the pavement, amused at the tourists milling around taking pictures of themselves at the [Imagine mosaic](https://notforprintmag.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/imagine2.jpg) memorial.

Darren hummed, having switched to just strumming around for a bit. “Yeah, write the next book in the park? What would I do, babe?”

Chris smiled. “Other than be my kept boy?” he replied with a smirk and a wink. “You would get the record out, maybe play a few clubs. Hopefully get in some plays until you take Broadway by storm. Then you’d come home to our little brownstone where I would be waiting with a cat curled up on my lap, ready to drop but always waiting up for you.” 

Darren grinned at the image, wanting that life more than anything. Honestly, if Chris said the word, he’d pack his bags and move here in a heartbeat. There was nothing really for them in LA, so maybe a fresh start would be nice? “You throw in a dog too and I’ll start looking for brownstones.” 

Chris beamed at him, hoping against everything that one day it would be a reality. 

A few days later, as he waited in the Little Brown Books lobby, he wished he could retrain that positivity. His leg was bouncing, his palms sweaty and he was sure he was muttering to himself. Maybe it would be best if he just left, they had surely confused him with another Chris Colfer, someone far more talented than he was. He felt his phone buzz in his pocket, and eager for any distraction from waiting anxiously, he whipped it out. 

_Darren: Babe, stop worrying. They already said they loved the book, they just want to ensure you’re both a good fit for the other. Deep breaths and we’ll celebrate when you get back. ;)_

_Chris: Gods I love you, you absolute dork._

By the end of his meeting, Chris knew he had worried for nothing. Kala had been a dream to work with, gushing about his book, demanding at least two more so they could make a proper trilogy out of it so at least she would know what happened next. She had no problem with him being gay or being bonded, had even demanded pictures of Darren and whistled when she saw him, claiming he had struck the lottery. They arranged for an editor to look over the book, and once a million contracts were looked over and signed, Chris had a book deal. Kala also told him he would need to attend more meetings, so she hoped his frequent flyer miles were stocked, as he would have to make a lot of trips to New York in the near future. 

_Chris: So...is brownstone a must or could we start out with a little apartment until my book actually sells?_

_Darren: You know I’d live in a cardboard box on the side of the road in Guatemala if it meant you were with me and happy_. 

_Chris: Sap._

_Darren: But I’m your sap._

_Chris: Yeah, mine. :)_

~~

The next few years were a whirlwind, and Darren just had to smile when he thought back on them. There were good times, like when he got picked up for the indie film, and it had done moderately well. Of course, he knew he would never be happy pursuing that chance in LA when Chris had his heart set on NYC. So when the company asked him if he wanted another bit part, no audition required, he had to turn it down, citing he was moving to the east coast and would not be able to film. Thankfully the film was set to be filmed in New York, so he had lucked out. That film had tanked, but critics had cited him as the only bearable aspect, especially since he had gotten to sing for the role. 

So he began playing in clubs, coffee shops and small theatres around Manhattan, making a name for his music more than anything, but going out for a few plays when he had the chance. He continued writing songs, and was steps closer to actually recording another album, even if he wanted it to be on his terms when it would come out.

Sure things were not easy at first, Darren feeling like he had given up so much to follow Chris and resenting being a kept man. Chris feeling the pressure of now having his work out there to be judged, as well as feeling guilty, like he pressured Darren to come or was not supporting him enough. Adding to the burden of having to live in a less than desirable neighbourhood, in a small and cramped space while looking for work in a new town added to their stress. Being constantly in one another’s space did not help, but once they learned to give each other space and to never go to bed angry, they made it work. Of course, once Chris’ book shot up the best seller’s chart, they hightailed it to a much nicer and larger place, even if Chris hated having to use a coin laundry and Darren missed California fresh ingredients.

But here they were, several years later, happy as they could be. Chris, finishing up his book series. Darren finishing up a off Broadway show and wondering how long he could tease his legion of fans about a third album. Neither of them were worldwide famous names, but they were happy, comfortable, and doing what they loved. Plus this way they could hang out in Central Park with their families and not get harassed, loving every second they spent with Rosemary, Chuck and Lucy’s daughter. Even if it meant a lot of teasing and questions about when they were going to settle down and have kids. 

Darren just looked at Chris, smiling in the sunshine as he chatted with Hannah about possibly hitting up the zoo for the millionth time and wanted nothing more than this. Though the ring burning a hole in his pocket and the way Chris was staring pretty longingly at the gay couple passing by with their stroller? Yeah he could get behind that as well. Chris turned to him, blowing a kiss and sending just a torrent of warmth towards him. Darren could feel the smile bursting forth on his face. The road had been long, bumpy and parts of it had been pure hell. But where he was now? To have his soul mate, his Chris beside him? Made every damn step worth it.

~~  
_It's the story of The origin of love. That's the origin of love._


End file.
